Rouge In Lavender Fields…

The gift you never asked for,
Never knew you grew,
Flourishes unapologetically,
Shines for all of you,
And I hope someday for me, Myself too!
A pool of darkness distorts my reflection.
I’m tainted,
Struggling to see what you do.
An undeniable beauty,
Mislabelled as an obscurity!
Difference seems to always be,
Unfairly tested,
Rejected,
Unprotected.
Stop and look for yourself,
Do you embrace or recoil?
Do you gaze upon?
This rouge flower,
Tis me,
Rouge in Lavender Fields.
Delicate,
Unique,
Favourable to the eye,
Honestly extremely hard to come by,
So underrated,
So many of you just cast me aside,
Or pass me by.
Yeild me,
Without protection I am weak,
Depression looms above,
I try to keep it out of reach,
But there’s alot of it,
Unapologetic and non discreet!
I deserve something different,
More worthy,
Something for me,
I share because I care,
But just a pocket full of integrity,
May protect me from exogenous negativity bestowed upon me,
And the lingering pain that consumes me.
Better off snatching love,
Than to give up or retreat.
It is happiness I seek!
Love,
Safe Home,
Marriage,
Children,
A family,
Humble dreams,
For me,
The basics bestowed upon you so easily,
That you therefore take forgranted,
I speak of blessings,
And they are not bestowed upon everybody!
Set backs left and right,
Forward and back,
When will the universe shower me,
With all the things that you have,
Given so generously,
That you acquired so easilly?
Leaps and bounds ahead of me,
I try to not compete,
Bow down in defeat,
Be bitter,
So I wait patiently.
But why?
Is it my ethnicity?
Background of poverty?
Did I sin?
So bad it weighs unforgivable?
The clock is ticking,
Time is running,
Seasons running out.
Trying to manifest,
At my best,
Forgive all lifes unpleasant tests,
But I will never forget,
Flipping loss and blazing trauma.
Somehow still defiant,
Gaining strength,
In hope of prospect of a shot,
Sharing my beauty,
We will be a team,
An army,
A family,
Leave nature be,
If I trigger you badly,
But I truely wish you no harm.
I need tending to,
To help me along,
Glow and flourish,
Not disintegrate into rubbish,
Leaving no trace amongst the Lavender.
If you embrace,
There is enough space,
For us to place besides one another,
Strong and together.
Only fate and destiny know what opportunities may present to me,
My pain is testament to my past,
But in this present day,
Please embrace me,
Acknowledge and accept me,
Reach out,
I do need help,
To transition,
And catch up at last.
Diversity shouldn’t be a curse for me,
My mental illness should not hinder me,
Ignorance should not be an opportunity!
Embrace with me,
I’m the rouge,
Rouge in Lavender Fields,
I welcome your acknowledgement,
Nurture,
Support,
Understanding,
And admiration.
I hope to blossom,
And spread seed,
Generation,
To generation.

My Prayer Is Strong…

Gently bathing her,
Intimately easing off the dirt,
It melted off like hot butter.
As I scrubbed,
Buffed,
And polished her.
With every layer of skin,
She released all within,
She revealed her true self to me,
Her tongue set free.
This old and frail shell,
Had many stories to tell.
Under the spotlight,
She spoke of all of her secrets kept.
To know them,
I understand why perhaps she has said and done things that she never should,
I think anyone would,
She is no saint,
But a goddess to me.
A strong and undeterred survivor,
Yet a fragile child within,
Tangled in webs of lie’s,
Deceit,
And sin.
It would not be easy to walk in the shoe’s that she has lived in.
Unpredictable,
Sometimes harsh and brash,
Mind games,
Inappropriate,
She could dismiss you like trash.
But time and time again,
No matter what,
Where,
Or when,
I will always go back to her,
Again and again,
Forgive her,
Again and again,
Because this frail creature,
With a sharp and snake like tongue,
Once independent and strong,
Is getting older,
Knocking on.
Many obstacles in life she has overcome,
But time is not one that anyone can run from.
I vow to be a shoulder for her to lean upon.
Unconditionally I love her,
And I will try to be there for her,
Our love and bond together is strong,
I want her in my life,
Not to be gone.
So the universe and angels,
It is you I call upon,
May it be selfish,
Or selfless,
My prayer is strong,
I do not want to loose her or for her to be gone!