Who do you turn to?

Just had a wobble,
A relapse,
Takes me back,
Like no time has passed,
Like I had never moved on,
Turned a corner,
Learnt to manage my self in a civilised order.
I can’t bring myself to pick up the phone,
To ask for help and support,
Because I am terrified of rejection.
I often feel like a cock roach,
Vermin,
Never ending,
Drowning,
Burning,
Noose,
Pills,
Sharps,
I’m indestructible,
I just keep coming back.
So many times I have intended to take flight,
When I am all out of line,
I cannot bare not feeling right,
Yet time and time again this feeling reoccurs.
What would I gain from sharing my pain?
I will just end up loosing people again.
So in silence I pour my heart out on this page,
As I try and navigate silently away from self destruction,
I think of my angels,
The comfort of burning sage,
As I try to flush out this internal sadness,
Pain,
And rage.