2020

Oh 2020,
You have taken so much from us,
And given us plenty,
Of unwanted inconvenience,
Pain,
Debt,
And misery.
This pandemic,
Has turned the planet upside down,
Dam it!
Covid 19 will go down in history,
Murdered many,
Attacked many,
Annihilated freedom,
Seperating everybody,
Causing global suffering,
As we have had to contend with you.
From where hence you came is still a mystery,
But my goodness you have evoked enormous tragedy.
The government does not disclose everything,
But if you think,
There isn’t too much of a mystery,
The death rates shared connect only to the virus,
Not the neglected terminally ill that have been passed a side,
And the medical emergencies cast aside,
The homicides,
The suicides,
All connected,
As in one way or another,
We have all been affected,
Had snowball effects to contend with.
My mental health has suffered,
The uncertainty of this year brings huge cruelty to those vulnerable mentally,
Contending with the day to day,
Without support,
In this current climate,
Is beyond hard.
When you have mental health difficulties,
It is not just the paranoia and fear,
But the mistreatment,
Inaccuracy,
Incompetence,
Inconsistency,
The inability to provide care,
Has really shocked me,
And taken its toll.
I worry for those with nobody,
And wish I could personally help everybody,
Because I have empathy,
Which this year has confirmed to me,
Is completely lacking in the mental health industry,
At least with those whom are connected to me.
As Christmas time dawns,
I worry for those whom feel forgotten and lonely,
If you cannot connect with somebody,
I welcome you to contact and lean on me,
Because I am genuine,
I care sincerely,
About you and your mentality,
It’s not about job targets and a salery,
My kindness comes freely.
You deserve hope and Christmas cheer,
Just as much as anybody else,
I value your existence,
And want you to have a happy new year.
If not adiaryfromnoone,
As I am only one someone,
Try sane,
Mind,
The semaritans.
Your existence is a blessing,
So please fight to stay here with us,
Better days are ahead of us,
And I don’t want you to miss them.
It is OK to struggle,
You need not justify,
This year alone,
Is answer enough.
Just don’t keep it all in,
Lips buttoned up,
Release and be rid of your pain,
To stay healthy and sane.
Let us remember those we have lost this year,
Be weary of more deaths to come,
As the end of 2020 dawns,
We can leave it alone with its prickly thorns,
And be hopeful for better,
Safer,
Less isolated,
Happier days in 2021.

Covid and BPD

2020
You’ve given us plenty,
Of crap we could have done without,
But if I scream and shout,
Who exactly would I be helping out?
The elderly,
The vulnerable,
All brushed to one side,
As corona we prioritise,
But I am struggling mentally,
Given up on grounds incapability,
The lack of care,
No one there,
The blame they dish out,
But never admit,
No apology,
For the strain on my mind and body,
A drought of the drugs you so-called critically prescribe,
Termination of support being beside me,
Disregarding my disclosure,
Of suicidal thoughts,
Paying no mind to my plans,
I know I am a lucky one,
Because I have love,
And all that terminates my plans at this time,
But I fear for those whom have no one to keep them about,
Because no matter how much you scream and shout,
The help seem to babble alot of nonsense,
Have no moral conscience,
Promise the world,
And when it comes down to it,
They have no inclination of how to help,
Despite it being in their favour,
Because this abandonment way means,
Less traffic,
Less demand for beds,
We’re no longer a problem,
And so they are released of our burden when we are dead!
There has been no intervention,
Because suicide prevention,
Means more bodies,
More fuss,
More voices,
Popular advice,
Just shhhhhh!

Mr Speaker

Dear Mr Speaker,
I am a vulnerable adult,
My mental illness has been rife,
Since way before this Pandemic strife,
Ergo this is my life.
You say no people are allowed around my house,
But the gas man just called me up to say his entitled to visit,
So now I have to accommodate a person who is in and out of bubbles for a living,
If Corona hasn’t affected him,
Still God only knows what he might be carrying,
What he may bring in with him!?
I have many rights,
But apparently this I cannot fight.
Just one phonecall for them,
An unrequited large dose of stress for me,
I’m shaking to the extent that you can see visibly.
I tried to explain,
Back up,
Maybe they felt unappreciated and like I was going to complain,
They threatened to turn my gas off completely,
Pressing my buttons,
I did not give in,
It’s lock down and I’m not in,
I’m elsewhere self isolating.
I know you don’t mess with gas,
But you cannot just impose,
And force your way in,
To properties that already vulnerable people live in.
No empathy,
Just pressure on me,
When I am just trying to be stable,
As bad news in 2020 just keeps on flooding in.
I don’t want a stranger in my house,
It’s not the right time,
I’m in a fragile state of mind,
Just a job for you,
This phonecall alone has me stressing,
Physical interaction with a stranger at this time,
At mine,
Has my head spinning,
Do I really have to let them in?
Put myself through mental times of testing?
I am left physically shaking.
Thanks for such an unpleasant awakening,
I am stressed to high heavens now,
And the days just beginning.

Boys In Blue…

You have my undivided attention,
I want the facts,
Not to ride on speculation.
So why so much tension?
I have shown no signs of hesitation,
Only fluidity,
When it has come to communication.
So I got angry and threw my shoe aimlessly,
It never hit you,
Because I didn’t aim it at you
And your blazing condemnation.
Hold fire,
So you’re vex because I’m apparently irrational,
Mentally incapable,
For dismissing your allegations.
You came to my yard,
Sirens calling,
All lights blue,
Interupting my safe time,
In my safe place,
With all your rights and privilege,
Knealing on me with supremacy,
Taking hierarchy,
Invading my space,
Curtains twitching all over the place.
I still don’t know what’s been said,
Or by who,
Only that moments ago I was mellow and chill,
Until your disruption,
Interigation,
Unsent invitation
Now your insinuation that I must come with you.
No!
On what grounds?
What was it that I did to anybody?
Did to you?
I have suffered,
But I am slowly getting through,
Without being a threat to society,
Or a menace to you.
I suggest you save this arrest for someone who has committed a crime,
Not for me because I am a black female,
With mental illness,
That struggles from time to time,
In all honesty
Until you came,
I was coping just fine.
Someone has stitched you right up
Wasted your money and time,
Prejudice and nine, nine nine.
Well.
I won’t be coming,
So with the greatest respect,
Up and out,
Turn off the arrest cherade,
And disappear please,
Where from hence you came,
The longer I am in your presence,
The more shame I will obtain,
Be gone,
I am neither Swan,
And want my spotlight turned off,
Let the blue fade away,
The scent of pork diminish,
Disinfecting every square meter you defecated on,
Leave me as i was,
Alone in my bubble of isolation.

NHS

I want to say thank you to the NHS,
For all of the time that you have had to invest,
Not once have you complained about political stress,
How The Tories were plotting to sell you and how they lost interest,
Knowing many politicians prior to this would have left you sacked and jobless.
Now everyone is singing the same tune,
As they clap and swoon,
Over those very same hero’s that you wanted to ban,
Cut ties and sell you off without a damn.
Well now Borris has had front row seats to the front line,
Surely he can no longer be blind,
We cannot afford to loose you,
Patriots of the Red White and Blue,
And all the outstanding work that you do.
NHS we need you,
We appreciate you,
We would be lost without you,
We are lucky to have you,
If your recent top game and sacrifice do not save you,
Then we do not deserve you,
We are indebted to you,
We thank you.