For all girls and boys that appreciate toys, but mostly for my favourite child, my little sister, Madame Cleo B-M H Holloway?

Santa Clause;

Santa Clause lives in a spectacular and wondrous land,
Where there is glorious, cold, white and fluffy sand.
He works hard all year through,
Making magical presents for children like you.
He eats brandy mince pies,
And drinks full fat milk,
His beared is as soft as silk.
Spoil us all!?
He would if he could,
But he knows if you have been naughty or good.
He sneaks into your house when you are asleep,
And leaves a gift that you can keep.
Such a celebrity,
We all know his name,
But he is not one to indulge in fame.
He is the Christmas Spirit,
Full of festive cheer,
And if you’re quiet,
You may just hear,
The jingles on his sleigh,
This Christmas holiday.

I just cry…

When you’re lying flat on your back,
And the room keeps spinning like that,
Making those memories flow back,
And you don’t know how to handle that.

Why didn’t I shout?
Why didn’t I scream?
It’s so hazey right now,
Yet I can’t handle it,
I don’t know how!?

Pinned down and I struggle,
But the force is strong,
It doesn’t last long,
Although the fractured memories seem to last forever.

Hands on my skin,
Breath to close,
Moaning and groaning,
Constantly controlling.

Stronger then I,
Heavier then I.
More powerful then I.
You do your thing.
And I,
I just cry.

Mr Blackbird

Hello Mr Blackbird,
Black, sharp and sheen,
Your entertaining walk,
As you skip across the green,
Pecking at bread and leaves,
Then you fly off,
Off into the tree’s,
Leaving nothing but a gentle breeze!

The Beautiful Me…

I visualise,
And hypnotise,
What appears before your very eyes,
I think thin,
I think slim,
And project that image before you,
Wide eyes,
A full smile,
Complimented with an open heart,
I focus on projecting beauty.
Under my spell,
And mesmerised,
You see what I want you to see,
Believe what I want you to see,
The only one not fooled is me.
I witness my reflection that bounces from your eyes,
Yet the person that I see,
I do not recognise.
I’m sorry for all of the deceit and lies,
And I wish that the façade was true,
More then you could ever realise,
Perhaps one day you will see the real me,
Or I can become,
“The beautiful me”
That you see.

I don’t want to hurt you…

Sometimes I just want to scream,
My head starts pounding in advance,
As if I had just smashed it on a wall,
Thump, Thump, Thump,
Bang, Bang, Bang,
I try so hard to be clear,
To make sense,
To be alliterate whilst trying to be considerate,
Yet it is like I am talking a different language,
Accusations such as childish, sensitive, self indulgent,
They are thrown at me,
When all that I am doing is trying to be the opposite,
Trying to be good,
Do right,
Say right,
Most people wouldn’t care,
Disconnect from those who don’t accept,
There lies the problem,
In constant pursuit of acceptance and acknowledgment,
I seek approval where most don’t bother,
Attempting to be the good guy,
Whilst being honest with no lie,
I seem to offend you all,
Which is the opposite to my intention,
I have always felt so open,
Once perceived as emotionally intelligent,
Now apparently emotionally unstable,
I open my heart to you all,
I get put down,
Challenged and shut down,
Accused and abused,
Ridiculed for being socially inadequate and slightly insane,
Time after time, after time, after time,
I pick myself up and hold out my hand in constant pursuit of love and happiness,
Only to be slapped down,
You shut down and leave,
I cannot comprehend,
I do not understand,
Does my illness make me blind where others can so clearly see?
I don’t want to hurt you,
If someone out there does,
It isn’t me!
I am aware that my desires are considered a typical cliché,
But I just want everyone,
To just be,

You Are Not Alone…

You are not alone when the darkness inside you outshines the good.

You are not alone when the words in your vocabulary fail to explain how you really feel.

You are not alone when you are stood in an empty room.

You are not alone when you feel judged, inadequate, patronised and criticised.

You are not alone when the difficulties in your life outweigh the good.

You are not alone!