Love

Love is an element,
Love is power,
Love is a gift,
Love can be the hardest addiction to kick,
Life is questionable without it.
Some people have all the love,
Some have never been without it,
Those without are in constant pursuit,
Society questions those whom claim to not know of it.
Love can be a blessing or a curse.
Love is a root.
Love can end all war,
But also ignite it.
I love others easy,
I love others hard,
I love when uninvited,
Most of my love is unrequited,
This is true even within myself,
But love is the greatest feeling,
That I simply don’t have the power to deprive from,
Nor would I ever want to stop from giving it to everyone else.
Love can wreak havoc,
Cause pain and strife,
But also empower,
Rejuvenate,
Accelerate,
Because…
Love is life.

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Seperately…

There’s no mistaking,
My heart is aching,
Tried to pause the breaking,
When I initially realised my mistaking,
In you not even contemplating how your actions might partake in,
The widening of the cracks,
Of our emotional and what I thought eternal,
And once seemingly unbreakable,
But now clearly tethered tracks,
I thought were forever attached,
To you.
Yet these cracks,
Cannot be patched,
Certainly not one sided,
I thought patience,
Forgiveness,
Tolerance,
Might awaken you,
Putting you first,
In silence,
Has only been more toxic to myself,
And hindered more than my emotions,
But my entire being and health.
Annoyingly so,
My love for you will never go,
As I learn and grow,
I realise more and more that sometimes in life,
You have to accept when people let people go,
As rejection and abandonment has always been the catalyst to my chronic pain,
It seems a turbulent conundrum to process this and practice being sane,
As I now feel like the procrastinator,
But letting you go is in fact not my choice,
But a last response,
To a false and perhaps subconscious ultimatum,
As following many predecessors you did the letting go,
Just wrapped in sheeps clothing,
You snaked me,
Forsaked me,
Cutting me off sneakilly, Somehow projected in complete silence,
The none verbatim,
Got me thinking I had a choice,
But this was never a puzzle,
Nor something I could resolve,
But what you silently controled,
I am a fool but not a troll,
And have come to the end of my mental and emotional toll.
Cast aside,
You let me go,
I will never understand why,
But now I get it,
That I don’t need to figure out how to now let you go,
That choice was revoked sometime ago.
You let me go.
You’ve gone already,
It pains me to contemplate the coward in you for not telling me so,
But words aren’t for everyone,
Yet your actions,
They make it clear,
You aren’t here anymore,
You’ve gone.
Left in your shadow is great sorrow,
But space for new life and love,
As seperately we dawn towards tomorrow.

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Explicit…

How must I interpret your silence?
To me it is a fierce and harsh temperament of violence.
No words at all,
Not even an utterance,
I refuse you’re ignorance,
To the harsh message you send,
As to what sufferance,
Your twisted back,
And sewn up mouth,
Bestows upon me.
You know of my insecurity.
You know of my fragility.
You know of my pain,
And yet you destain to intervene,
As if less real it all may seem,
If when in need emotionally,
You are not available to me,
Unless things are seemingly wonderful and happy.
Confront you I shall not,
I have tried and failed,
Which you will deny,
Or imply that you have forgot.
How you can walk with integrity,
Completely perplexes me,
But is a good lesson to me,
I shall never dismiss,
Deny,
Nor abandon so selectively,
Good or bad,
It is all or nothing for me.
I love you in my life,
I just wish you were explicitly!

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Inevitable Passing But Ironically Too Soon…

She lay as fragile and delicate as the salty tears that drummingly fell upon her aching chest,
Beyond her understanding she silently confessed the regrets of her passing,
Although it had not happened yet.
Knowledge,
Understanding,
Incomprehensible to the well and living,
Only accessible to those departing,
Still overwhelming,
Yet strangely accepting,
She accessed knowledge that her passing was on the horizon.
After so many years not wanting to live,
Ironic now she did not want to die,
But the ticking of the heart,
Knows not of the mind,
Has no emotion,
No pause,
Fast forward,
Nor rewind,
Only to grind on,
And on,
Until it stops,
Mentally or emotionally ready or not.
Immortality is not a reality,
And the only inevitability is that every living being,
Will become a corpse and rot,
No matter on how time is spent,
Ready or not.
A burden of a secret,
Too heavy to share,
She chose to be alone,
In her passing and despair.

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Secondary Level

Some born with it,
Some hexed,
Some damaged,
Accidents,
Fate,
Philosophy still contemplates,
But manufacturers still in business,
Pharmaceuticals playing God,
Selling down the chain,
To proclaim man even understands,
Let alone can manipulate such intricate parts of the brain,
Now that’s egotistical bullshit and insane!
But force and desperation can turn dust into gold,
Roll it out,
Sedate at the very least,
To people suffering in pain,
But it’s the disappointing false hope and promise that cuts myy throat,
Cause you’ve been a lab rat,
In the rich mans game,
But it’s so cleverly done,
You can’t even complain.
Take it with no understanding of consequence,
Your in crisis,
They say,
You do.
But I got your number,
Even though for me,
I fear it’s too late,
Ten years of poison,
Has squashed my game.
But I’ll help others,
How could I not,
These powerful individuals,
Your extinguishing the lot.
You stole my dreams,
Destroyed relationships,
And aren’t to keen on me parting ways from your toxic.
Instead of hearing me,
You hear what you want to,
Instead of listening,
You talk over me.
Are you reciting script?
At least put some emotion into it,
But of cause that would require compassion.
If I get detained on my entitled mission to hapiness,
Because you disapprove of my insight,
Or too admit that I am right.
If I no longer have the voice to complain,
And you have any integrity or ownership,
Please fight in my name.
I have repeatedly disclosed my vulnerabilities and that therapy is what I need,
But that such services drain the jackpot,
Special and for the elite,
Not the challenging of your deceit,
Who have the inclination of what they need,
Punishment is cruel and reluctant,
How dare I insinuate anything other than medication,
Not even for elation,
Just for a chance,
To reset,
Refresh,
Clear up the old mess,
Before the wall gets too high,
Tops over and I die.
Your resilience suggests you don’t want to fight for me, Rather look down on me,
Like I need go learn my place,
And no longer disgrace your intelligence,
My having the audacity to think outside the box of my catastrophe.
Help should be the common denominator,
Pay cheque now,
Deal with me later,
What if later never comes?
You’re resistance to my entittlements,
Lack of acknowledgement to my strength and want to battle,
Must be documented,
With you there is still the minimum hope,
Without you I will choke.
I have a dream,
But I am living a nightmare,
I need assistance to transfer in safe passage,
But am petrified you have other plans,
And will stampeed on my light,
Block the tunnel,
Throw me back in hospital,
And steal another decade from me.
You ask about sleep hygiene?
After all I have discoosed,
The tears,
Chronic pain,
Lethargy,
Nausea,
Insomnia,
Lack of bodily functions,
Self-harm,
Psychosis,
Disscociation,
Just a few off the long list.
Could you sleep,
If those mountains of troubles you had to keep?
There is no on or off.
Just holding on to dreams,
Whilst stuck in this nightmare,
Less bothered about the unfair,
More the urgency in which I need crisis care.
I won’t shut up and put up,
I won’t take your crutch,
I seek more of a remedy,
I beseech you for this opportunity.
If I don’t qualify urgently,
The injustice will crush me,
Permanently.

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Soul Quest

In every soul we should invest,
And treat as a conquest,
If you have any interest,
In the pursuit of happiness.

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Scared and Selfish

I am unable to ignore the catastrophe,
It alarms my concious and vibrational energy,
Clawing at my empathy,
In tears I am so very sorry.
I try to be ignorant to this worlds endless brutality,
Due to my susceptibility of being overcome emotionally,
But this current war and tragedy,
Evokes unimaginable pain in me,
And that’s selfish but essentially how and what I try to express is truthfully me being sorry,
Dumbfounded by the powers that be,
I think of the innocent people and their loved ones and family,
Kids dragged into this misery,
How this nightmare is their waking reality,
The last images of those taken already,
What they have had to endure and see.
In these modern times how can this be?
Honestly I don’t understand,
My intelligence capacity is not equipped enough for this,
To be ignorant to the sheer disaster,
Of this murderous catastrophe,
Would be sweet bliss,
But there is no option of being oblivious,
Disaster has struck serious,
Blood struck,
Lives took,
And for what?
Fuck celebrities and reality TV,
Awards and dinner parties,
For recreatimg stories,
Wake up,
This is history,
Real time documentary,
With conspiracy,
And contraversial commentary,
But outside opinions are not necessary,
That’s not the people’s story,
The people are fighting,
Or flighting this brutality,
Without consent or a fair warning,
Turn on mute,
Those horrifying images we see,
Are currently,
The heart of the brink of world war three.
I’m sending love you cannot see,
I know you cannot hear me,
I have no skill to help,
No bravery to shout out,
This is unfamiliar territory,
I will work on projecting spiritual energy,
Send love and light with positivity,
That you may escape and find refuge,
Safety and security,
Immediately.

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Legacy…

Sometimes I feel so debilitated that I am stuck in the same spot,
Watching people pass me by,
Effortlessly,
They’ve hit the jackpot,
I try to walk, swim, run or fly,
But cannot,
I wonder why,
As they drift further and further,
They shine brighter and brighter,
As I stand nighy,
They all leave as I am stuck and stay,
It seems to them I merely fade away.
I am full to the brim with love,
Empathy,
And compassion,
Ideas of creativity,
Fall endlessly from me,
But ultimately amount to nothing,
Because I’m stuck,
After too frequently being pulled apart and ripped,
My fragile heart,
The cruelty in this world,
For it I’m not equipped.
I can’t be a travelling star,
Follow my loved ones wherever they are,
Oblivious with innocence they leave me behind,
Each leaving lacerations that scar,
So bright to the eye I can see them all,
Near or far,
Travelling at great speed of light,
The science doesn’t spark or work if you are stood still,
Weighted with being ill.
“Just Move”,
You say,
Because you don’t see the force around me,
The cause of my fragility,
Ill mental health holds me in captivity,
A fooling powerful force cloaked with invisibility,
Holding firmly to the key,
Of any possibility that I may be set free,
And share the phenomenal me that I know I could be,
Yet it knows and relishes that the world will never see.
Perhaps invisaging my art as powerful and healing is delusional,
My twisted tongue of metaphor,
Is not transparent enough to be relatable,
Or even palatable,
Because I’ve been sharing for a while now,
And no one seems to hear me clearly,
But the words keep coming,
So I gots to keep regurgitating,
I may not shine in this lifetime,
But the way my pain turns into verse,
Chorus and rhyme,
Has to connect somehow with this universe,
A blessing or a curse,
This misery,
Perhaps will be understood in time unknown to me,
And left in legacy.

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Withstand…

I can hear the devestation loud and clear,
It bellows through your silence,
Whistling high pitched in my ear.
The magnitude of misconstrued perceived projected pain has boomeranged,
Smacked me as the target,
The sentiment of rage and pain reciprocated.
Both blood and entourage have misinterpreted sickness as purposefully projectile,
Yet in clarity I acknowledge the repercussions of self sabotage,
Whilst unclear it seems a worthy sacrifice.
You interpret the honesty of pain as manipulation and violence.
The reality of mental instability,
Is dark with turbulent misery.
I can see your lack of understanding,
From the silhouette of your back.
Whispers of ignorance tornado around us.
Bonds broken unintentionally,
Left to mould,
Unresolved have stripped away our alliance.
I fear permanently,
Whom I have lost may never come back,
Receiving rejection and abandonment are not new to me,
But I won’t stop loving you,
It’s a blessing and a curse,
But the majority of my anatomy.
Illness of the mind is invisible to all whom choose to be blind,
Mistaking symptoms for being unkind.
I will not keep chasing you,
It is clear you don’t want me too,
So we must drift,
With an unresolved bitter rift,
But if you turn around again,
I’ll be open,
To remedy what has sadly been broken.
I take accountability,
For the pain I have caused,
With hope that you will realise that it was not intentionally,
That the cards dealt to me,
Were not chosen by my hand.
I accept that I cannot make you understand,
And that it is easier to bubble wrap with withdrawance and practice withstand.

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Weightless Enlightenment

Freedom of speech,
I beseech,
Please do not strip me of my gift,
No scam can warrant a ban,
On art,
Creativity,
I extract mental captivity,
When the words on this site leave me,
I access the key to the euphoria of spiritual release and cleansing,
I am free,
Momentarily.
That’s my slice of heaven,
So please don’t question or take this access to weightless enlightenment away from me,
All else I know,
Is suffering,
Darkness,
And misery.
Like without a plan,
Just removing heroine from a junkie,
Please don’t restrict me from my ecstasy,
My writing is healthy,
And not hurtung or killing anybody,
Not damagingly known by or out there for everbody,
Globally.
Synchronisity,
Only those that need or seek,
Find me.
Infact this safe space,
Allows me the freedom of expression,
As I work through process and reflection,
To learn from and execute personal correction,
Exploring vocally,
On a small platform which is welcome to eberybody,
Through my footsteps I welcome you’ll to heal with me,
We all need to identify,
With someone brave enough to share their demons,
What keeps them up at night,
Tears them apart and makes them cry,
So you can rest and think,
“Me Too”,
I’m not alone in this fight,
Perhaps today I don’t have to die!

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