Calm… Storm… Repeat… Defeat!? (but for whom)

Do you think it’s possible to loose weight through tears,
I’m chronically constipated and so the usual way may take me hundreds of years.
Isn’t it strange how I still care about my weight,
How is it still a priority,
A small part of me thinks that loosing the weight,
Gained from the medicine you gave me,
May just take the edge off enough,
To not worry about my exterior,
Allowing me to go all in on the interior.
All of my fears,
Together or individual,
They evoke floods of tears,
Come at me like a viper,
Too quick,
Too fast,
Even a sniper couldn’t erase what this is,
Too late,
The damage be did.
All at once,
And all of a sudden,
I’m bit,
Drowning in venom,
As the riot kicks off in my head,
The agony of depression,
Shots of anxiety,
Psychosis bullying me,
I’m transported to mind prison,
No windows,
No faces,
As this illness embraces,
Every ounce of me.
Just shake it off.
Just make it stop.
Your ignorance is like the cherry on top.
I don’t want to be in this head space,
This God awful place.
I cannot find the words to describe,
Just how undignified my mental illness is.
If you have struggles,
Please come to me and confide,
But when I’m down,
My silence should be enough for you to recognise,
That I might be a healer,
But you can’t use such your own gift and skills for personal wealth,
I cannot heal myself.
I heavily rely on a system that is crumbling to nothingness,
Full of wastefulnes,
A Web of lies,
They have only added to the thick of it.
I was happy,
Enough to ignore or side sweep,
The deepest secret I try to keep,
Now all is black,
As I crack,
And tremble anticipating where this one will go.
Now I don’t say it all out loud,
You’ve let me down to many times.
I am now aware,
That you ain’t listening,
You ain’t the one to confide in,
You choose what you hear,
Say all the wrong things,
You have ears but you’re not listening,
I told you the deepest,
The darkest,
And there’s still no help,
You were my one way out,
Defeated I have come to realise,
This only goes two ways,
And mine isn’t looking like a fairytale.

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