So This Is Me…

If I am honest, I have been really down and quite unwell, plastic smiles and posting pouts’, are just ways to distract myself. Paramedics, nurses, appointments and the rest. I feel that every time that I confess, I loose the little bit of control that I have left and life is a never ending, unpredictable mess. I try to do everything right, but sometimes I feel like that is where I go wrong! Hospital, home or in-between, I want hope and dreams but am stuck in a forever circulating nightmare of a dream.
I had an appointment with a psychologist today, I thought this might give me some positive inspiration and some long waited for clarity. To my shock and horror, not said once but three times, “You will never get better, this illness is your personality and character and will be a constant factor for the rest of your life!” It is fair to say that I was in shock, coming out worse then when I went in! My patience is wearing thin and my pain pours out from deep within. For my sake, I hope this relapse will quickly descend and this doesn’t result in a sticky end.

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