You make living look so easy…

I used to be a dreamer. There was no limit. I believed in myself. At least I think I did. Perhaps I was living in denial, acting out on pure fantasy.
Was it the bullies throughout my entire education (4-21), the people that attacked me, the people that rejected me, did they knock the desire out of me?
Is it knowing that I was unwanted as a child?
Was it the sexual assult that I encountered?
The substance abuse?
What about the massive knock on my head that I encountered as a child? The horror of having my head sown back together?
I recognise that I am lost but where did that begin? Why is it so? Can I control it?
Perhaps it is the result of not one but all of the above. I am lost and I want to understand it. Perhaps with clarity, I can finally find myself and begin to live.
You all make living look so easy. I must admit that for me, it is prooving very difficult.

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2 Replies to “You make living look so easy…”

    1. Tonight has been hard. I am alone, apart from the voices. I have tried to distract myself with tv, movies, chatting on social media. I had some wine to take the edge off. I have taken a couple a sleeping tablets, yet I am still awake and suffering. I just want peace and to feel content. Please explain how spies works? X

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