Is it me? Is it my fault?

If you are diagnosed with depression, is it because you have an inability to control your emotions or is it because you don’t understand them? Is it weak to confess? Surrender to the heavy pain in which depression brings.
I sit here and I wonder… why am I unable to just get on with it like everyone else? My brain goes into replay mode where I shuffle and playback bits of my life, the memories contaminated with false ones, hallucinations and psychosis leave me spinning.
I can’t breath.
I can’t remember.
I am not sure.
All the while I want to scream out but no one will hear.
I reach out but no one is here.
It passes… or does it?
Just pushed deep down, burried.
It hasn’t gone anywhere.
Not so deep down, I am still a mess,
And I wonder,
Is it me?
Is it my fault?

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