A Diary From Noone

She spoke but no one heard, every scream seemed a whisper, and so she took pen to paper...

Tag: #unity

coconut

At school,
I was bullied.
Bullied by the people that looked like me,
But didn’t act like me,
It was not my intention to be different,
Not an act,
Just a fact,
I think it is important to be yourself,
Not just follow like sheep,
Nor act like playing a part,
But to be an individual.
I’ve always been quite colour-blind really,
Favoured people for their behaviour,
Their humour,
Personality,
And interior,
Our connection,
Genuine sparks fly,
Because of chemistry,
A connection of souls,
What people look like meant nothing,
Means nothing to me,
Why should it?
How shallow!
Materialistic!
I like genuine bonds with genuine people,
That is natural to me,
But with lashings of ignorance,
A splash of resentment,
Dollops of hormones,
A lack of processing,
And sprinkles of judgement off my peers,
I was custard pied,
Rated as poorly baked,
Not adhere to certain standards,
Cast aside,
Ridiculed,
Criticized,
And patronised,
Left on the harsh receiving end of bullying.
The girls that looked like me,
The Black girls,
My sisters,
The girls that had the reputation of being tough,
With their,
“Don’t Fuck With Me” attitudes,
In this huge all girls school,
They did not take to me,
They fucked with me,
But fortunately only verbally,
Which was lucky,
As keeping up appearances,
With anyone that stood in their way,
They would fight,
And they would scrap.
They commanded respect,
By sticking togethering,
Dominating threat,
And casting fear to all that were not in their favour,
A purposeful segregation,
Forced entitlement cast by fear,
So powerful that no one would dare dispute,
They would silently force their way to the front of the dinner line que,
Come from nowhere and get on the bus before you,
And no one would complain,
We didn’t dare to.
Picking on me,
Perhaps because the majority of my friends were white,
Thinking that was odd and not right,
But is was just per chance,
Not a purposeful decision for me,
I just took preference of personality,
Open to friendship with anybody.
They would call me Coconut,
It upset me.
They called me a Bounty,
It upset me,
Meaning I was fake,
Black on the outside,
But white on the inside,
Stripping me of my identity.
At a young age it really confused me,
I was just doing me,
But that was apparently not good enough!
Insincere,
Was something I did not want to be,
Nor did I try to be,
I was,
I am proud of my heritage,
But living in the modern day,
Why create segregation,
Ostracise me,
Try to embarrass me,
It was ignorance that I ran from,
The mentality,
Not ones nationality.
Now I am thirty-four,
I clearly remember it all,
But now being older,
Looking back,
Upon reflection,
If that is the only insult that they could cast against me,
Really and truly,
They had no insult at all!
Think about the fruit,
Coconut,
It’s nutritious,
And delicious,
So,
You want to be narrow minded,
Call me a coconut,
I’ll take it,
There are much worse and harsher words,
More personal,
Less generic words that you could have used to bully me,
But the truth is,
They couldn’t find any,
Because I wasn’t at fault,
They were,
And they were clutching at straws!
Their insecurities!
Their uncertainties!
Their jealousies!
Projecting irrelevance,
And their labelling,
And their declarations upon me,
It was all about them,
Weak people find themselves by putting others down,
And they never look back,
Seemingly nonchalant,
Because they cannot face their own wrong doing,
They move on,
Leaving victims with irremovable scars,
Tainted memories,
And incurable insecurities.
If someone today called me a bounty,
A coconut,
Or in these days an Oreo,
I would just take it on the chin,
And own it,
Because to me,
They are all nice things,
Just like I am a nice person,
Sweet,
And most likely good enough to eat,
I shall ignore your ignorance,
And deny you defeat.
My advice to them would be,
Don’t worry yourself about me,
You do you,
And I’ll do me.
I shall not fester in others negativity.
So come on and do your worst.
I am Black,
I am dark skinned,
I am proud of my heritage and history,
I am free,
And will befriend anyone who shares a genuine connection.
Within me,
Regardless of ethnicity,
Because I only associate with purity,
Honesty,
Sincerity,
Kindness,
love.
Love comes with any and every colour,
None more better than another,
Let spite,
Judgement,
And hate evaporate,
Instead,
Let us see beauty within the rainbows of this world,
And celebrate in unity.

You Know Me Mentally…

Some of you don’t know me,
Perhaps some of you do,
Perhaps some of you will,
Perhaps some of you won’t,
In a physical sense I mean,
Not sexual,
But sensual,
A strong connection,
Beyond face to face
Or rubbing shoulders,
We share mindfulness,
All of my readers,
You know me mentally,
You are on this journey with me,
It’s long
And tough,
But you keep coming back,
And I really appreciate that!
My honesty is for everyone,
To learn,
Share,
Connect,
And see,
How ill mental health can be.
My self appointed mission,
Is to share the stuff others don’t or wont say or see,
With you by my side,
I do not mind the vulnerability,
Of sharing what is happening to me,
Because I may inspire some,
But I am empowered by you,
You are my light in the dark,
My anchor in the sea,
You give me the gift of stability,
Communicating with you gives me clarity,
Our unity,
Helps me own up to being me,
Not the false person that society dictates that I should be,
This website right here,
I speak of nothing but the truth,
No sugar coating,
Filter,
Or honesty proof,
This is my story,
Who I am,
How you can really get to know me,
No time or distance can get in the way,
This website says all I have to say.

justgiving/jadelaurie-hart

Hit The Target with two days to spare!

A FESTIVAL FROM NO ONE RETURNS! May it be just as successful if not more so then last years…

I would like to publically thank all that have supported me so far this year, those of you that visited me in hospital, those that have stayed in contact with me throughout my mental health struggles, in person, via social media, phone calls, emails and texts, those of you that celebrated my birthday with me whilst I was released from hospital for a few hours and those of you who have shared, posted and donated towards my crowdfunding. I am now out of hospital. I am continuing my journey of recovery and my main priority right now is organising my festival, “A FESTIVAL FROM NO ONE RETURNS”! I am very proud to announce that I have hit my target of £1100!!! This would not have been possible without your help. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you and promise to organise the most inspiring, motivational, informative, creative and insightful day on July 22nd that I can and that the contributions donated to charity will be put to good use within the mental health system. This is a joint venture and I thank all that have helped once more. You are all saints! As always, this year has had so much sadness and disaster but so much so on our doorsteps of late. I am so sorry for the people that have lost loved ones in Manchester and London this year. I admire the vast amount of good people in my social media network who have come together and helped those in need. It proves that there is still goodness and that there are still kind hearted people in this world, and we must hold onto that in solidarity.
I focus on mental health because it is close to my heart and such a big part of my own life, my empathy for others whom struggle gives me strength to fight for the cause of mental health awareness. I have always cared about others more then myself. It is hard work but a great pleasure to try and create something positive for the greater good of others! This world without selfless acts and genuine good will is one that I do not want to be a part of, one person can idealise, a unity of people can actually make things happen. Together we are! Join me, and we shall! xxx

You Are Not Alone…

You are not alone when the darkness inside you outshines the good.

You are not alone when the words in your vocabulary fail to explain how you really feel.

You are not alone when you are stood in an empty room.

You are not alone when you feel judged, inadequate, patronised and criticised.

You are not alone when the difficulties in your life outweigh the good.

You are not alone!

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