Stuck between the sheets…

Stuck between the sheets,
Unable to reach out,
Masked,
Hidden,
And unseen.
Floating in white space,
Sinking into the dark and bottomless sea.
Wanting to rise up to the clouds above,
Far and beyond to the stars in the glowing night sky.
I deceive you,
You may physically see me,
Once me and I,
Are now what was.
Now empty inside,
I cannot own such tittles.
Withered in rot and decay.
With dismay I now lead an empty life.
Throw rocks and stones to break my bones,
But they cannot hurt me anymore then I am hurting.
The pain lingers on.
As does my existence.
But there is no light.
No life.
I am now only a shadow of what was.
Trapped in the maze of my mind,
Where things are most unkind.
Blind,
I cannot see past misery.

Tonight you may sleep with the stars as tomorrow you will embark upon a new adventure xxx

A baby is born,
Thus begins the circle of life,
We celebrate.
Like fireworks we struggle and stumble,
Fall and get up again,
Make our journey through life.
We die,
We commiserate,
The never ending circle of life.

As I stare at the moon and and the stars,
Feel the breeze gently brush against my skin,
I try to connect and be with you somehow,
Feel you somehow.
Like lit lanterns floating up into the sky,
My memories escape me with each exhale that I take.
Connected,
I share them with you tonight because I need to be sure that you both knew and know how much I loved you.
Tomorrow we lie your body to rest,
Set you free to roam the galaxy and far beyond,
Whether it be heaven, the white place reincarnation or some other place unimaginable,
Don’t hang around to long for us.
We set you free.
Be free.
And one day, we shall meet again.
Until then,
with all of the love that we have in our hearts for you.
Please take comfort and pride yourself in knowing,
Our love for you will never die nor shall you ever be forgotten.
Rip, my Grandad John XXX

Blame

You say it isn’t fair.
I would agree,
but this isn’t all about you.
I say, it was not for you to decide.
The lies and deceit,
The mask,
I fooled you to protect you.
I lived my life for you.
How is that unfair?
It is unfair that you never saw the cracks.
You allowed me to hide.
I was not a slave to pride,
I was a slave to you.
You could have helped,
supported me,
but it is not your fault.
I blame it on the black dog,
the black dog that followed me,
that I tried to run from.
I blame it on the black cloud.
The black cloud which hung over me,
despite my efforts to run or hide.
Consumed with sickness,
rotten to the core.
I tried to scream,
I tried to shout.
You never took the time to ask what I was on about.
I was left with no strength.
Defeated I succumbed.
It killed me,
I died alone.
They called it suicide.
“A desperate attempt for attention that went to far.”
I call it homicide.
It killed me.
I had no choice.
Don’t call me names,
selfish,
cruel.
Don’t seek something or someone to blame.
I only ask that you be more aware.
If next time,
someone needs you,
perhaps you can be there.
Shed no tears or worry for me,
finally I am free.
Finally I am happy.