Whatever Makes You Happy (even if just for a moment)…

I was christened Methodist at birth but most of my foundations and early beliefs of religion came from attending and being educated in a Catholic Primary School named, St Martin De Porres. My nan still says, “Say your prayers” everytime we speak. Yet after primary school, religion wasn’t ever really part of my life. Like most western people my age, growing up, family Sunday dinner (even if just Mum, the dog and I) was a ritual, not going to Church. I was always curious about religion though, I guess it was more about understanding my surroundings rather than looking for a saviour. Birmingham, England is and always has been extremely multicultural, I wanted to understand what my peers were upto, believed in and committed to. I was just curious and therefor Religious Studies was one of my favourite subjects at secondary school. There was so much to learn about, it made me question how all of which fit together, who was I to say what was fiction and none fiction, that one religion or another made more sense or not and so I vowed that until I found the time to study every single religion, it would not be fair for me to side with any which one without all the information. To this day I have never found the time to do so and so I stand by the tittle Agnostic, which for me means… I believe in some sort of higher power but as to which exactly, I do not know. Most of the people that I know are Atheists. The truth is I don’t mind what religion anyone follows, as long as they do not force it upon others.
I consider myself to be rather spiritual. Believe me or not, I have no reason to lie, I have psychic dreams, I have had three encounters with angels and I am still figuring it all out but this year I started to attend a spiritualist church. It is my saviour. With the nature of depression, I am down more often than not, whether it manifests out of me as suicidal or manic and many complex shades in between, I find it hard to be still, calm and have a free mind, but spiritual healing enables me to explore being zen, even if just for a moment every week which I attend. Hands on healing is extremely powerful. At its best, I can only explain the transaction between the healer and I with this metaphoric description; before healing I am a battery controlled object in an inanimate state, when I am touched the very first contact is like being plugged in on super charge, my body hair pricks up and a wave of cold hits me from head to toe and then heat is transferred to the areas in which I am touched, I am physically and mentally awoken, walls are broken down and restored. Sometimes I cry, sometimes my head hurts, sometimes I feel sea sick as I tend to be gently rocked both forward and back, side to side by the comforting powers that be. There is nothing human that I can compare it to, nothing that I have personally experienced, but please take my word for it, it is wonderful.
Healing/Church/Religion/Spirituality may not be for you but I urge you to try something substance and toxic free to help clear your mind and recharge, life is hard and with no you time, to reset, self reflect and self focuss, life can be an unpleasant, continuous and seemingly pointless cycle. I do not insist but encourage you to experiment if you have not yet discovered your happy place to reboot, maybe explore with yoga, meditation, mindfulness, any activity that focuses on self attention and reflection without the aid of distraction and find your happy place. You deserve it. We all deserve to feel wholesome, even if just for a moment in our fragmented lives. You might not find your thing straight away, it took me 35 years to connect the dots but we are all fragile and all deserve to be healed.
I just think everyone deserves an occasional worry free, float in the clouds, lifted, supported, enabling energy/feeling every now and then because we all fall down sometimes and it is so nice to be helped back up.

Dark Mind…

The most scary place that I have ever seen,
Is far worse then you can imagine,
Way beyond your darkest dreams,
Because you are not confronted with how real it seems,
But a reality most revealing,
Where terror brews not from paranoia,
Fear of the unknown,
But simply,
And unmistakably,
What is,
I have been,
I have witnessed,
I have been imprisoned,
In the timeless,
Commonly never opened,
Nor revealed,
Vermin infested part of the mind,
Where what we commonly know as darkness,
Is light,
Leaving nothing out of sight,
No boundaries,
No filter,
All monsters roam free,
There is nowhere to hide,
And they are all after Me,
If you don’t believe,
Stay blissfully in denial,
If intrigued,
I warn You,
Stay away,
You are free,
This is a place of horror,
That you do not want to visit,
Or see,
Because there is no coming back,
It has a hold of many,
And has brutally captured Me,
Life now,
Will never be the same as it used to be.

Always And Forever…

Sat in Costa drinking my extra hot,
Please don’t think that I have forgot,
The way you smelt,
Imperial Leather,
The way you dressed,
Ancient but smart (ish) trousers and an open shirt,
The way that you spoke,
An amalgamation of St Kitts and Birmingham,
Your telephone number,
01214406244,
How you would always call,
You were always there for me,
You only said it once,
But I know that you loved me unconditionally,
And I loved you too!
I still do….
I miss looking at you,
Talking to you,
Laughing with you,
But I still can feel you,
Whether you visit me in my dreams at night,
Or I feel your presence,
Sometimes when I don’t feel right,
Or within the breeze of the wind,
Or heat of the sunlight.
You are the brightest star shining at night,
If I could reach you,
I would hold onto you so tight,
I know that you aren’t physically here now,
But you have a special pocket in my heart,
And with this unique bond,
We will never part.

Always and forever,

Your Jade xxx