A Diary From Noone

She spoke but no one heard, every scream seemed a whisper, and so she took pen to paper...

Tag: #shame

You Can Turn Me Off…

When is it that you stopped loving me?
Did I push you to far?
When did you decide to not accept my illness?
Blame me from your distress?
I look to you for comfort,
Dream of being in your arms,
Being held,
Being hugged,
Being kissed,
Being loved.
You’re no longer in my life as much,
That tells me that you no longer care,
That I am stuck all alone out there.
If I were younger,
Would you be more involved?
Do you believe that age affects what is in my control?
Tough love is not for me.
Your silence is killing me.
Always know that I love you,
But I cannot be the strong self sufficient person that you want me to.
Seperating yourself works for you,
But let’s not pretend that you are doing all that you can do.
It is disappointing,
You are turning a blind eye,
Racing forward as a separate unit,
And have left me behind.
I don’t want you to be in pain,
For me to be a strain,
I think you have had people in your ear,
That separation has given you that uplifting shift in gear,
But if you leave me for too long,
I cannot promise that I will always be here,
This is not a threat,
But a declaration of my constant fear,
You can turn me off,
But the only way for me to,
Is to completely dissappear.

Kween Like Lizzo…

Wish I could be a kween like Lizzo,
Looking fly,
Throwing shapes at the disco.
Instead I am lying low,
Locked up in the dark,
Not living my best life,
And letting my juices flow.
Don’t judge me because I ain’t a size zero,
Thick thighs not out,
But covered up,
Not alfresco.
Think you know me,
Well I don’t think so,
You just assume,
But I ain’t filling trollies full of junk in Tesco.
I’m sick so I’m full of medication,
Instead of healing,
I’m feeling ashamed because of society’s pushed and unrealistic misrepresentation.
My weight should not be the topic of conservation,
Put your energy into some other dedication,
Hold back and have some reservation.
If my weight is a worry for the nation,
You’ll need to get a life and take a vacation.
Word vomit,
Throwing hate,
No hesitation,
Girls got feelings,
You just assume,
With zero investigation.
Don’t judge me,
Don’t comment,
If there is no invitation,
Keep your obnoxious judgement to yourself,
It should be you in isolation.

Face The Music

Tis time to face the music,
Cha-Cha-Cha,
Kiss my teeth,
I’m not wining,
Connected,
Or in sync,
The rhythm is off beat.
I feel the heat,
Let rum punch quench my thirst,
Loosen me up just right,
Don’t want to be to weak,
And have to admit to defeat.
I don’t mean to let anyone down,
I don’t want any competition,
I smile in your direction,
You scowl at me and frown,
Turning blue,
As I approach you shyly,
With a step by step,
One,
Two Three.
It seems you despise my company,
Aware of this I was not,
But now I’ve got the message,
Loud,
Clear,
Fast,
Direct and hot.
As I leap towards you,
You two step back,
I waltz around you,
Try to entice you with a spell,
You swing away from me,
You’re jazz hands say no way and goodbye,
Leaving me alone on the dance floor,
I watch you saunter off and sore,
Me bruised and broken,
No moves left to chase you,
I’ve been through them,
Did you ever love me at all?

The thorny crown,
Heaviness on my shoulders,
Weighing me down,
Imprinting a crown,
That I force upwards,
Away from the ground,
To fool you all,
And appear sound.
Drip,
Drop,
My tears fall,
Consumed with worry,
I want to bang my head against the wall,
Caught consuming negative emotions,
Like catching a ball.
My picture fell,
As I dwell upon my worries,
Is this a sign from hell,
Telling me what is to become,
I am definitely unwell,
History suggests that this won’t end well,
Poisened I am cursed in this endless torturous mental health spell!

You Fat Cow 🐮

Do something about it!
I know all about it,
I don’t need you to speak of it,
Or shout it!
I got scales all over my body,
That’s why I ain’t with nobody.
A skinny girl in a fat woman’s body,
My reflection is distorted,
I don’t know this body.
I fantasise all day long,
About physically changing from what I am now,
Which is wrong.
It’s the tablets that have changed my physicality,
But taking them is essential,
A practicality.
I got fat stashed,
Like a millionaire has cash,
Five foot two and nowhere to hide it.
From my head to my chest and my knees and feet,
Weight has conquered,
I admit my defeat.
They say beauty comes from within,
But we know that’s a lie,
Who are they kidding!

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