A Diary From Noone

She spoke but no one heard, every scream seemed a whisper, and so she took pen to paper...

Tag: #sanitynotVanity

Rainbow

All stories come from stories,
Fables and tales of old,
Get twisted,
Torn,
Pulled apart,
And made a new.
The art is to refurbish and tell like never before,
Leaving hints of familiarity,
Subtle enough for you to question the clarity,
Yet get you hooked,
And entertain you once more.
Words pour out of my mouth like water,
Vivid,
Fast and pure,
Never preplanned,
Or to mine ears been heard before,
I must have been a muted poets daughter,
Kept back by prejudice,
In a life before,
Now reincarnated I am still kept back with not much more to gain,
So much time has passed,
Yet judgement and exclusion remains the same,
My gender now not to blame,
But this time my brain,
Some lable me as insane,
Making publishing my work a gamble,
Excusing the discrimination with health and safety,
Keeps me at the back of the line,
Instead of the front where I deserve to be.
I want to open my mind,
Open and let you all in creatively,
I’ll keep you entertained with many a story,
Some real,
Some fantasy,
Some as dark as reality can be.
Yet people don’t want to take a gamble on me,
Be it the colour of my skin,
My battle scars out and showing,
My mental health diagnosis,
My fragility,
Potential crisis.
If I was a celebrity,
Publishing offers would fly to me,
Which is something I cannot fathom!?
I am no one imparticular,
Which makes me all the more spectacular,
Because I represent you all,
Anyone and everyone,
The masses.
I could be you,
Or the girl next door,
You’re daughter,
Best friend,
Or cousin.
Instead of allowing me to rise and connect with you,
You step over me,
You do not see me,
You will not listen to me,
Despite with all of my experience,
For the curious,
Those in the dark that need a guiding light,
Someone other to hold their hand,
To understand,
I am the connect to help you through.
The one without private health care like you,
The one who has to wait like you,
The one they medicate like you.
There is no personal Doctor on call,
Nowhere to just check in,
Thats the world of your celebrity.
I will not discriminate fleeting moments of ill mental health that others have indulged,
So why discriminate me.
My illness is longstanding,
I’ve been institutionalised,
Penalised,
Accosted,
Persecuted,
Snubbed,
Ignored,
Ganged up on,
Disrespected.
I have been to Hell,
I could tell you about that,
Demons and Psychosis,
Hallucinations,
Manifestations,
Paradise,
Euphoria.
I’ve been down to the darkest place.
I’ve been up to the highest and brightest.
I’ve spoken to the people that movie characters are made from.
My eyes and ears have explored every crack and crevice of the mind and beyond.
I could tell you a tale or two,
Some you may have heard before,
Some familiar,
Some brand new,
But I refuse to speak to buttoned up ears,
Lost in translation,
Focused on fame and vaneers.
I worry I may loose,
Or confuse what has been
As my memory looses stability,
Due to medication,
And emotional sensitivity,
And so I share snippets on here,
Both to remind and for those that support me.
One day I shall tell my full story,
Awake my imagination from slumber,
Mix everything together,
And share a rainbow of novels to suit everybody,
When the world wakes up and sees my potential as an endearing literature somebody,
Fueling books,
Theatre,
Television,
And film.
My stories,
Honest and brave,
Timeless.

Sanity Not Vanity….

Good Health is prayed for by many but those prayers are not always answered in a straight forward way and we need a little extra man made help,but that help has unpleasant side effects. Sometimes you got to take the rough with the smooth. I take medication every single day, to keep the demons at bay and maintain some kind of “normal” existence, but the pills aren’t magic, it’s not like just pop one and all will be well;it is a long and monotonous ritual that I must endure to function. Yet the weight gain makes me question the worth of my sanity over my vanity. I am an isolated recluse because I cannot bare my reflection, the pictures that others take of me, the way people look at me, perceive me, think of me. I see disgust in people’s eyes. I have to much junk in my trunk, stubborn bowels that barely function and despite water fasts, diets, juice detox, exercise… The weight won’t budge because of my sanity medication. An awful lot of people are prescribed a lifetime of meds for one health reason or another and will relate to this ongoing issue of mine and so I am experimenting, should the results show, I will undoubtedly share with you all. #sanitynotvanity is mostly an experimental diet, avoiding as much processed food as possible. It is all about DIY and prep but hopefully the time and effort put in will produce some worthy results. Thus far I can categorically say that starvation and limited calories just does not work long term, especially for pill takers, we need fuel and energy to burn, burn burn. I am on a food journey to combat my feacle impaction, ill mental health, physical ailments and self confidence. Join me via my Instagram as I begin this experiment #adiaryfromnone where I will try to find the right balance of food and exercise, the right types and kinds to make a healthy, positive difference. Currently showing taster snaps… ingredients, methods, instructions, bio’s soon to come, so get involved now xx
instagram.com/adiaryfromnoone

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