Destined For Disaster…

Staring at the wall again,
Trying to remember when,
Everything was so good back then,
Looking back at photo’s,
Trawling through social media,
The filtered photo’s deceive ya,
Me and the Girls,
Me and the Boys,
Cocktails,
Mocktails,
Endless joys,
Youth,
Freedom,
Expression,
Creativity,
Power,
Sexy,
Sassy,
PARTY!
Those years were golden,
I now understand the phrase,
But gradually everyone has grown,
Moved on,
Progressed to the next phase,
Transitioned in only the best ways,
Detached from the old days,
And the only one left in pain,
Sad and angry,
Is me!
Stuck in a rut,
The door hammered shut,
I am so far removed from them,
They don’t bat an eyelid,
But even if they did,
They don’t see,
They don’t recognise me,
I am the lone soldier,
That basks in the memories,
That they did leave.
How is it fair,
That those who have done me wrong,
Have moved forward,
Happy and strong?
I was insignificant then,
And I am insignificant now.
Staring at the wall again,
Straining to remember when,
There were no voices.
What shall I do?
Take some pills and end it?
Make myself bleed to control it?
Talk to someone?
I cannot.
If things don’t mend and positively change,
I just don’t think I can go on.
Anchored by trauma,
Separating me from old dreams,
Repelling dreams a new,
I loose my desire to push for a break through,
I cannot foresee anything,
I feel so weak,
Not strong,
Perhaps I was destined for despair all along!?

We Can No Longer Deny it, December 1st Is Here…

As Christmas is nigh,
I look up at Santa’s map,
The starlit sky,
Where he shall sleigh his mighty sack.
December is here,
I feel nothing but cold,
The young ones full of cheer,
Ba Humbug I am getting old,
But as Christmas is near,
Children write their lists,
In hope of getting many gifts,
To be bestowed upon them December 25th!

Happy Christmas 🎅 one and all. December can be a lonely time for anyone and everyone, be Kind and make it known that you care for the good people in your life. From a mental health point of view, I have struggled, relapsed and been in Crisis over many Christmas periods. I was in a mental health hospital through the Christmas period a few years back, I remember being permitted hospital leave on December 25th and relaxing with my Mum, Step Dad, Sister and late Grandfather, it was magical. While the lucky ones enjoy lavish gifts, the even luckier ones enjoy friends, family and festive cheer. Enjoy your Christmas but be mindful of those on the streets, the elderly who are lonely and feel forgotten, the sick children in hospital and their parents and families, the lonely, the suicidal and unwell. Please share this link, it is easy to forget the unfortunate during the hustle, bustle, preparation and celebration of Christmas. A little acknowledgement and a smile may be small and effortless to you but mean the world to another.
Merry Christmas From No One xxx

I wrote this for my Great Grandma just before she passed away… She has left us now but in our hearts she will always stay!

My Great Grandma,
You are like a star,
Shining all through your life from near or far,
Spreading light wherever you are,
You’ve packed your bags,
You’re going away,
It’s time to leave,
You can no longer stay.
We love you so much,
We don’t want you to go,
From the bottom of our hearts we love you so,
Because you are my Great Grandma.
We’re turning off the lights,
That you have shined so bright,
We’ll throw you in the sky to now spread your light,
And we’ll look up at you,
And always remember you,
Because we love you.
My Great Grandma.