Whatever Makes You Happy (even if just for a moment)…

I was christened Methodist at birth but most of my foundations and early beliefs of religion came from attending and being educated in a Catholic Primary School named, St Martin De Porres. My nan still says, “Say your prayers” everytime we speak. Yet after primary school, religion wasn’t ever really part of my life. Like most western people my age, growing up, family Sunday dinner (even if just Mum, the dog and I) was a ritual, not going to Church. I was always curious about religion though, I guess it was more about understanding my surroundings rather than looking for a saviour. Birmingham, England is and always has been extremely multicultural, I wanted to understand what my peers were upto, believed in and committed to. I was just curious and therefor Religious Studies was one of my favourite subjects at secondary school. There was so much to learn about, it made me question how all of which fit together, who was I to say what was fiction and none fiction, that one religion or another made more sense or not and so I vowed that until I found the time to study every single religion, it would not be fair for me to side with any which one without all the information. To this day I have never found the time to do so and so I stand by the tittle Agnostic, which for me means… I believe in some sort of higher power but as to which exactly, I do not know. Most of the people that I know are Atheists. The truth is I don’t mind what religion anyone follows, as long as they do not force it upon others.
I consider myself to be rather spiritual. Believe me or not, I have no reason to lie, I have psychic dreams, I have had three encounters with angels and I am still figuring it all out but this year I started to attend a spiritualist church. It is my saviour. With the nature of depression, I am down more often than not, whether it manifests out of me as suicidal or manic and many complex shades in between, I find it hard to be still, calm and have a free mind, but spiritual healing enables me to explore being zen, even if just for a moment every week which I attend. Hands on healing is extremely powerful. At its best, I can only explain the transaction between the healer and I with this metaphoric description; before healing I am a battery controlled object in an inanimate state, when I am touched the very first contact is like being plugged in on super charge, my body hair pricks up and a wave of cold hits me from head to toe and then heat is transferred to the areas in which I am touched, I am physically and mentally awoken, walls are broken down and restored. Sometimes I cry, sometimes my head hurts, sometimes I feel sea sick as I tend to be gently rocked both forward and back, side to side by the comforting powers that be. There is nothing human that I can compare it to, nothing that I have personally experienced, but please take my word for it, it is wonderful.
Healing/Church/Religion/Spirituality may not be for you but I urge you to try something substance and toxic free to help clear your mind and recharge, life is hard and with no you time, to reset, self reflect and self focuss, life can be an unpleasant, continuous and seemingly pointless cycle. I do not insist but encourage you to experiment if you have not yet discovered your happy place to reboot, maybe explore with yoga, meditation, mindfulness, any activity that focuses on self attention and reflection without the aid of distraction and find your happy place. You deserve it. We all deserve to feel wholesome, even if just for a moment in our fragmented lives. You might not find your thing straight away, it took me 35 years to connect the dots but we are all fragile and all deserve to be healed.
I just think everyone deserves an occasional worry free, float in the clouds, lifted, supported, enabling energy/feeling every now and then because we all fall down sometimes and it is so nice to be helped back up.

No One needs Your help!?…

I want to reach more people. I want to help more people. I want to make the topic of mental health more socially acceptable. I want to reach those in need. I want people to feel less alone and alien. I want people to accept their ailments. I will share my story and experiences of ill mental health time and time again, because I believe doing so sets an inclusive atmosphere for us all to share. I am no one, no one special, no one in particular, just a being like you, that is happy to share, providing my truth helps others contend with their own woes.
I will always write, but I am trying a new avenue of exposure. Visable documentary! Yet I need your help to do it properly. Please check out my Christmas 2017 pilot, both in trailer and/or full, via noone adiaryfromnoone on my YouTube Channel and please subscribe as well as share.

#shoutouts for those with #insomnia #Depression #anxietyproblems #worries #troubles #bpd #personalitydisorders #schizophrenia #ptsd #pnd any and every ill mental health #MentalHealthMatters & knowledge should be shared not silenced, please help me reach out to make more https://youtu.be/4mC_l48Ixkc via https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/noone/dashboard asap

Mental Health “Care”

I am by no means a veteran of mh hospitals but I have stayed in four, both in London and Birmingham, over the last three and a half years. In regards to atmosphere, Oleaster’s Melissa suite is by far the best. This time I found, “The Venue” extremely beneficial, it is basically a room and court yard off the wards, all inpatients are welcome and they provide varied entertainment all day, everyday. On the ward, I kept myself to myself, from experience making friends in a mental health environment is not wise, if not eating in the communal area, I would be in a side room playing guitar ? or in my room blogging, www.adiaryfromnoone.co.uk but I met some very like minded people in the venue, people that also carried note books everywhere, people who also wrote poetry and lyrics, people who played musical instruments, people who wanted to sing and jam with me. The staff were non judgemental, accommodating, non invasive, helpful and detrimental towards my crisis recovery. Since being discharged, I would have loved to continue going for support and something positive to do. It was not explained to me that once discharged from home treatment, I would not be entitle to attend, if I knew, I would have been lots of times by now, I would have taken advantage of the opportunity. My options were not made clear. I asked for a referral, thinking that I could enjoy the venue as the next step to recovery after home treatment. Unfortunately because of where my general doctor’s is situated, I am not entitled to attend the venue, I have to go to the day centre at the Zinnia Centre instead. Logistically the decision completely makes sense but my feelings and well being have not been taken into account. I found a place of Zen and it deeply saddens me that I can not go back again! The decision has left me feeling angry and emotional, especially as it wasn’t made clear and explained to me these last few weeks, I could have at least utilised a bit of time there. My only other complaint is that staff need to be trained up on how to sensitively yet professionally handle people with BPD. I think that the illness is completely misunderstood and therefor handled incorrectly. If you have been admitted to a psychiatric hospital, it has not been decided lightly, there is a national shortage of beds, if you have been allocated one, you definitely deserve to be there and should be treated accordingly. I was told, “People like you should not be here”. That statement was an inaccurate matter of opinion. My time in hospital definitely helped me get through crisis.It’s all over the internet, people with BPD, feel Ike they are dismissed and not taken seriously by mh professionals, but BPD is often not the only illness that people suffer from and if you have been allocated home treatment or admitted into a psyche ward, it is mostly because of the patient being depressed or under heavy psychosis or a danger to themselves or all of the above, therefor acute admission is beyond necessary.

Like you…

I wish that I could be like you,
know how to feel and express like you do.
You have this light about you,
and like a magnet both people and animals are drawn to you.
Is it really as effortless as it appears?
The art of being happy,
Accepted and fulfilled.
Or do you also cry at night?
Occasionally get cocooned in darkness rather than light?
I mean you must do?
You’re human right.
If you do you conceal it well,
seriously no one can tell.
I lost that art of deception,
nothing is hidden now that I am unwell.
If I am upset,
You definitely can tell.
Whether it is some kind of mind control strategy,
or you are just happy,
I hope one day to be like you,
Put my game face on and just get through.