Great Britain isn’t Great for all!

Great Britain is not so great close up. What do I know? After all I am Black British, not just British straight up and certainly not the top of the crop; White British! Should I be greatful to have British in my tittle at all? That would be naive. Should I beg for all of man kind to open their eyes but close their prejudice, close their racist and just see and hear me, no preconceptions, no mask, no makeup no autosound. I’m lost, I have no identity because the truth is unravelling and I realise that I have been blind, I have misheard and struggled with understanding my entire life! I thought most of racism (at leat in the so-called developed country that I have only ever known as my home) washed out with the abolishment of slavery. My ancestors took lashings and so generations to come could be free. My beloved grandparents basically came to this country in receipt of an invitation, an opportunity to better themselves, to walk the golden patched streets of Great Britain, to be close to their Queen, to start a fresh and be the very best, but there was no mention of hardship, ungratefulness, social and racial disparity, brutality, beatings and rushes uncalled for, “No Black’s, No Dogs, No Irish”. My family took it, for the likes of me and the youngers and in my eyes, there was vast room for improvement still but The beautiful family orientated Christmas Sainsbury’s advert 2020; Diversity (dance group) BGT 2020 dance interpretation of the pandemic and murder of Mr George Floyd has opened up a war of complaints, hidden behind letters and computer screens, those cowards and trolls are catapulting society backwards. This was not Martin Luther Kings dream and it is not mine. My heads been in the clouds. I cannot handle the truth, I wish it was still there!
Black, Brown, Women of colour praying their babies will be a shade lighter to ensure their children have a better future, that is what it has come to!
So my black ass explains why I’m a failure, riddled with mental illness because all of the rejection and abandonment that I have endured/received/encountered. Turns out most of which was out of my control. My fate was sealed from conception. Two black parents. Ontop I was as dark as can be. So people have thought themselves better, me not good enough, I just could not think why, it appears I missed the obvious. I’m tuned in now, I feel the weight, I feel the pain. I am too crushed to fly the flag, ignite the torch and fight.
A few marches this year, does not cut it. A few news reports when nothing is resolved and the full truth is held back, undisclosed. An apology to me. There is an awful lot of work to be done to make things fair. We don’t want glitz and glamour, elaborate attempts of showing change. We just want it to happen, to be accepted as fellow mankind, out and proud and behibd closed doors too,but I’m personally loosing faith, not because it is too late but perhaps because it was never truely possible at all!

I Matter!

There’s a gun shot,
Everyone looks at me.
There’s a scream in the crowd,
Everyone looks at me.
There’s a riot,
Everyone looks at me.
I once thought that look was a look of care,
How naive I was!
My so called friends,
My allies,
Strangers,
Peers,
Mentors,
White faces,
Surround me,
Many times I am the one black face in the crowd,
I thought you stayed close out of loyalty,
Not to monitor me,
Keep your friends close,
But your enemies closer,
Yet whom declared that we are enemies at all?
No one told me.
Words unspoken,
Now are deafening,
As I realise the truth.
You never thought we were equal,
Always suspecting,
Always suspicious,
Always weary of me,
Just because of the exterior you see.
I am human just like you,
We breath the same air,
Share the same planet,
Yet you feel more entitled,
And act accordingly to enforce power,
Hold the reigns.
You only see me when you need someone to blame,
Take the rap.
If there is blame,
You blame and shame me immediately,
On no other grounds but as to what you see,
A black somebody.
If there is an altercation,
You blame me.
When there is wrong doing,
You blame me.
I was blind,
But now I see.
I strive to walk freely,
Proud of my identity,
I will stand my ground peacefully,
Stare straight back at you when you stare at me,
Keeping my dignity,
No longer oblivious to your suspicions,
Not allowing you to control me.
I still walk amongst you kindly,
But I will not allow you to ogle me everytime there is indecent activity,
Not knowing and all assuming,
As you are more likely the sinner than me.
Black Lives Matter.
This is not derogatory to any other lives,
But a reminder to those whom are ignorant,
Whom forget,
Whom haven’t figured it out yet.
Oppressed for years,
The punch bag to many,
I wondered what was wrong with me.
Microdosed insertion of power always looming over my head,
I lost my self worth.
Damaged goods from the lacerations of slavery,
Entrapment,
Poverty,
Does make me angry,
Has weakened me,
But not defeated me.
You need not fear me,
Just acknowledge,
Treat me and my Kin fairly,
Because they matter,
All black lives matter,
I matter.

Justice for George Floyd

What is it you see when you look at me?
I hope you see me,
All of me,
That I bare unashamed,
Unapologetically.
You may read between the lines,
There is no excuse at being blind,
I radiate my full truth,
And my black skin glistens,
Because of all the hardship that I have overcome.
My ancestors were slaves,
Beaten daily,
Working for free,
Treated like animals,
Trapped in captivity,
Stripped of all dignity,
Sold like property,
Fighting for freedom,
Fighting to be free.
Martin Luther King had a dream,
A dream as sweet as could possibly be,
Rosa Parks stood her ground for us,
These brave people would be outraged to see,
Just how cruel this white privilege has come to be,
What is concealed,
Hiding in plain sight,
Or uniforms,
So the world can pretend to be harmonious and full of equality.
A gentle giant was killed because of the colour of his skin,
Disregarded rights,
Abuse of power,
Still restraint,
Begging for his life,
A black man,
An innocent man was killed May 2020,
In Broad daylight,
By a man employed to keep the people safe,
A white man,
In the 21st century.
For no other reason but looking like himself,
Looking like me.
We cannot just let this go,
Start to resign to the fact,
That these things just happen,
Made to feel guilty for rightful accusations of racism,
We must pay attention to the people in charge,
The white man’s reaction,
And not be silenced due to our gender,
Sexual preference,
Or colour of skin.
We are calling you out,
If this world is ready for Me Too,
Then black people,
It should be ready for you.
Humans are wonderful creatures,
But greedy and savage.
I will not apologise for preeching that black lives matter.
Please don’t call me out for stating the obvious.
If white privilege does not exist,
Why is a murderer getting first class service in jail.
A life is a life,
No matter if black or white.
Am I expected to believe that this police man did not know the full power of his tool,
That he could not hear George’s call?
Murder in plain sight.
Abuse of power.
This has happened before,
What do we need to do to make sure it doesn’t happen again?
How can we get the people in charge to see reason?
Another life lost to ignorance,
Racism,
Prejudice,
Power,
Another life lost too soon.
May justice prevail.

Central Park Five

Five young boys,
In the wrong place,
At the wrong time.
Judged for being none other than being themselves.
Five young boys,
Doing what boys do,
Judged by others,
Accused of doing wrong,
What they weren’t supposed to.
A white woman attacked,
Verbatim hacked,
Accusations being thrown at,
Youth’s because they are black,
From a lower class.
Watch the interviews back,
Listen to the probes,
As white privilege is abused,
In order to frame these black Youth’s.
Running and hiding from the police,
Does not a criminal make,
They were scared,
Out a little to late,
Which was a convenient set up,
For the interrogators,
To twist,
Bend,
And manipulate.
Never in trouble before,
Strangers to the wrong side of the law,
Support was not put into place,
They were Judged for their race,
An easy way to “solve” the case.
Convicted!
Childhood lost,
Never to be regained.
There was no innocent until proven guilty,
They were framed.
Shame!

coconut

At school,
I was bullied.
Bullied by the people that looked like me,
But didn’t act like me,
It was not my intention to be different,
Not an act,
Just a fact,
I think it is important to be yourself,
Not just follow like sheep,
Nor act like playing a part,
But to be an individual.
I’ve always been quite colour-blind really,
Favoured people for their behaviour,
Their humour,
Personality,
And interior,
Our connection,
Genuine sparks fly,
Because of chemistry,
A connection of souls,
What people look like meant nothing,
Means nothing to me,
Why should it?
How shallow!
Materialistic!
I like genuine bonds with genuine people,
That is natural to me,
But with lashings of ignorance,
A splash of resentment,
Dollops of hormones,
A lack of processing,
And sprinkles of judgement off my peers,
I was custard pied,
Rated as poorly baked,
Not adhere to certain standards,
Cast aside,
Ridiculed,
Criticized,
And patronised,
Left on the harsh receiving end of bullying.
The girls that looked like me,
The Black girls,
My sisters,
The girls that had the reputation of being tough,
With their,
“Don’t Fuck With Me” attitudes,
In this huge all girls school,
They did not take to me,
They fucked with me,
But fortunately only verbally,
Which was lucky,
As keeping up appearances,
With anyone that stood in their way,
They would fight,
And they would scrap.
They commanded respect,
By sticking togethering,
Dominating threat,
And casting fear to all that were not in their favour,
A purposeful segregation,
Forced entitlement cast by fear,
So powerful that no one would dare dispute,
They would silently force their way to the front of the dinner line que,
Come from nowhere and get on the bus before you,
And no one would complain,
We didn’t dare to.
Picking on me,
Perhaps because the majority of my friends were white,
Thinking that was odd and not right,
But is was just per chance,
Not a purposeful decision for me,
I just took preference of personality,
Open to friendship with anybody.
They would call me Coconut,
It upset me.
They called me a Bounty,
It upset me,
Meaning I was fake,
Black on the outside,
But white on the inside,
Stripping me of my identity.
At a young age it really confused me,
I was just doing me,
But that was apparently not good enough!
Insincere,
Was something I did not want to be,
Nor did I try to be,
I was,
I am proud of my heritage,
But living in the modern day,
Why create segregation,
Ostracise me,
Try to embarrass me,
It was ignorance that I ran from,
The mentality,
Not ones nationality.
Now I am thirty-four,
I clearly remember it all,
But now being older,
Looking back,
Upon reflection,
If that is the only insult that they could cast against me,
Really and truly,
They had no insult at all!
Think about the fruit,
Coconut,
It’s nutritious,
And delicious,
So,
You want to be narrow minded,
Call me a coconut,
I’ll take it,
There are much worse and harsher words,
More personal,
Less generic words that you could have used to bully me,
But the truth is,
They couldn’t find any,
Because I wasn’t at fault,
They were,
And they were clutching at straws!
Their insecurities!
Their uncertainties!
Their jealousies!
Projecting irrelevance,
And their labelling,
And their declarations upon me,
It was all about them,
Weak people find themselves by putting others down,
And they never look back,
Seemingly nonchalant,
Because they cannot face their own wrong doing,
They move on,
Leaving victims with irremovable scars,
Tainted memories,
And incurable insecurities.
If someone today called me a bounty,
A coconut,
Or in these days an Oreo,
I would just take it on the chin,
And own it,
Because to me,
They are all nice things,
Just like I am a nice person,
Sweet,
And most likely good enough to eat,
I shall ignore your ignorance,
And deny you defeat.
My advice to them would be,
Don’t worry yourself about me,
You do you,
And I’ll do me.
I shall not fester in others negativity.
So come on and do your worst.
I am Black,
I am dark skinned,
I am proud of my heritage and history,
I am free,
And will befriend anyone who shares a genuine connection.
Within me,
Regardless of ethnicity,
Because I only associate with purity,
Honesty,
Sincerity,
Kindness,
love.
Love comes with any and every colour,
None more better than another,
Let spite,
Judgement,
And hate evaporate,
Instead,
Let us see beauty within the rainbows of this world,
And celebrate in unity.

Nanny’s Nursey Rhyme

My Nanny Sarah is a character and a half. Perhaps one day I shall write her story and share her range of tales from bitter to sweet and all that is in between, as my Grandmother has had a very eventful life. Now eighty-eight years of age, with the beginnings of dementia, often happily she repeats the following Nursery Rhyme. A rhyme that represents promise, hope and excitement. Now a days with global warming and the threat of Brexit, the wrongful shenanigans re. The Windrush era and threat of British entitlement being removed from those that gave up everything, their homes, loved ones, history, brainwashed and promised that England and their Queen across the sea’s would welcome my ancestors with open and welcoming arms, permitting them to walk the streets pathed with gold, bathed in equality, flourishing with employment, good wages, better opportunity, happiness and freedom. Groomed from a young age, with nursery rhymes such as these, how shocked they must have been at the cruel, ignorant, brutality that they were showered with once stepping off the great ships on voyage to glory, but strength and perseverance, resistance and determination carried them through the horrors first endured, “No Blacks, No Dogs, No Irish”! Now myself being 2nd generation British, be it swept under the carpet, I must not forget, we must not forget, the fight that was had and sadly in many ways still is, for the entitlement in which I am in receipt of today, I am a Black British Woman with Caribbean heritage, we have come a long way, but we still have a long way to go.

“When I leave school,
I means to go away,
To see how other people work and play,
I need to take a trip across the sea,
Of cause I mean the ship must take me,
And then I’ll go to England,
France,
Germany,
And Spain,
And even then,
I won’t come home again!”

Was that rhyme so embed into my Nanny’s head, that some years later she indeed took a ship to England? She did go home again, but only to holiday. I am one of the fortunate grandchildren that got to go back to Montserrat with my Nan, but England for better or worse became her home and Birmingham City, the place of birth to my Mother, her siblings, many of my cousins and I. I wonder what my life would have been like if she stayed overseas!? Now in reverse, the Caribbean is the destination across the sea and has a place in Nan’s heart, full of memory and she most likely will never go home again. Although she has actually spent the majority of her life in England and so Great Britain is her home, now the only one dreaming about across the sea, is me, I don’t know to much about the living lifestyle in the Caribbean today, but I do know that Great Britain disappointingly isn’t so Great!

Colour

The, “N” words,
Nigger or Negro,
Shot, Shot!
The, “B” word,
Black,
Shot!
The, “C” word,
Coloured,
Shot!
Words are just words,
Yet the intension of how they are said,
Delivered with clarity,
Doused with…
Venom,
And…
Spite,
They are as powerful as a bullet to the head!
Shot, shot, shot shot!
Is this what you see when you look at me?
What you think I am?
How you describe me?
Yes,
I am black and proud,
If asked to describe me physically,
Is colour the first thing that springs to mind?
Surely you understand that such language and choice of words like those above,
That is derogative and uncalled for!?
You can pretty them up,
In songs or rap,
Say them about me behind my back,
Hurl them at me in a racist attack,
But such strategies are wack,
You have to understand that I am black,
And I am proud of that,
Because the colour of my skin is part of me,
I was born with it,
It is part of my identity,
But not everything about me.
Prejudice and racism has not ceased it is still very much here,
Not just a part of our past or old tainted wives tales that you may hear,
But if you open your eyes and mind,
You will soon discover that the colour of my skin should not trigger fear.
Despite the colour of our exterior,
Our skin,
We are all just human beings.
I look in the mirror and just see me,
Not my colour,
I look deeper then that,
Trying to find the overall beauty,
Outside and in,
Strip off our skin,
We are all the same within,
So why fight one another?
There is so much cruelty, trauma, hate and sin in this world,
I want no part of it.
I don’t want revenge for those tortured, mistreated and killed because they look like me,
But I do want mercy and reconciliation,
Or it was all for nothing
I acknowledge the past,
And I will always remember those that suffered for equality,
I recognise that the scale of injustice and mistreatment has decreased dramatically,
But I shudder and weep when I study black history,
Rage when I think of all of the lives lost to death and slavery,
Just because of biology and anatomy!
I want to hold my head up high,
In silent protest,
And make the most of this life given to me.
I am privileged,
Lucky to have been born in a more equal part of the world,
Lucky to have been born at this time,
But that luck does not help starving babies in third world countries,
Black children getting less education,
Black teenagers peer pressured into gangs,
Black men being put into prison for just being black,
Black women being raped for just being black,
Just because the devil only see’s their colour,
Forgets that their lives matter,
People even up to now,
They don’t acknowledge that black lives matter.
For those of us with sight,
We are fortunate to see colour,
What a beautiful gift,
Only to be spoiled by the need of power,
Tainted,
And bruised,
Wasted due to inferiority.
Freedom,
That was rightfully ours,
And when I say ours,
I mean all of ours,
But was taken away,
Oblige or die,
Commands and decisions made by self appointed radicalists,
Every knock,
Every bump,
Every push,
Every whip,
My ancestors got back up
And they fought,
And they earned their freedom,
Tested again and again!
I would not be here if it were not for them!
I thank them,
And carry our torch with pride.
When I look at you,
I don’t see colour,
When I look at myself,
I just see me.
I hope that one day,
It can be like that for everybody.
If you pass me on the street and you think my life does not matter because of the colour of my skin?
Do yourself a favour,
Keep your thoughts within,
Button up those lips,
Clench your fists,
And just keep walking,
Because this world is not yours alone,
And my life is not yours to take,
Black lives matter,
Whether you agree or not,
Keep those racist and hurtful thoughts to yourself,
They are your thoughts of harm and pain,
Your problem to contend with,
This planet is for all of us to share!
Join us all,
Or quietly go elsewhere.
This is not a dictatorship?
But a vision to rule out segregation,
An invitation for all of us to be united as one in civilisation,
To include,
Not excluse,
Because of what you look like,
Or where you come from!
Man or Woman,
Black or White,
Gay or Straight,
Christian or Muslim,
Anything goes,
As long as you have a good soul,
Practice in acceptance,
Then there should be no grievance.

Health is health and often shall mental and physical cross paths, if you go into nursing as a career, perhaps remember that!

When did I become such a danger to society?
Four people they sent for me!
It was extremely intimidating,
Slightly humiliating,
Most certainly overwhelming.
As people carted me off,
From a general hospital to a mental health hospital,
I could hear their thoughts,
“Hip Hip Hooray”,
“The mad lady is on her way!”
The stigma alongside mental health,
Rings loud and clear in The Q.E,
Queen Elizabeth Hospital,
Birmingham.
I encounted some terrible behaviour this stay,
Stuck on The CDU Ward.
Not easily offended,
Yet I received some,
Offence that is,
Off fellow patients,
Family and friends,
Staff!
Subjected to racism,
Sharing a bay with supporters of none other than,
Donald Trump.
Words exchanged were outspoken and brash,
They spoke absolute trash,
Not even quietly,
But loud and proud,
As if to offend me!
“I only want a white doctor!”
“Well I don’t like the black nurses!”
If they are so high and mighty,
Open your purse,
Leave quietly,
And seriously do one!
Get care privately!
Perhaps then they wouldn’t have to deal with,
“People like me”.
The NHS is supposed to represent,
GREAT BRITAIN.
As citizens we must appreciate it’s assets,
And embrace the unity of every nationality,
Because that is supposed to be what puts the,
GREAT,
In Britain.
Not only racism,
But prejudice too.
Patients making remarks about funny farms,
Categorising others as mental,
Like mental is a dirty word!
Staff complaining about being pushed out of their job description,
“FUCKING MENTAL HEALTH PATIENTS,
THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE GENERAL!”
Well welcome to the real world,
Idiots!
Mental Health and Physical Health are few and far between.
What happened to compassion?
Empathy?
People can really be so mean.
Some staff were Angels,
Don’t get me wrong.
I thank them for saving me,
Helping me,
And looking after me.
Sincerely.
The likes of Cat,
Chelsea and more,
But the good ones,
Like I said,
Were few and far between,
And the majority,
Unnnecessarily mean.