A Diary From Noone

She spoke but no one heard, every scream seemed a whisper, and so she took pen to paper...

Tag: #poetry

Love!

Watching TV, seeing all of this freestyle spoken word got me thinking, I want to do that, give people substanance to chat. So challenging myself, I decided to freestyle. This clip came from the top of my head, No preparation, planning or pen to paper, no filter, nor fancy editting… if i did, i would have said inequality, I would have said racism over weighs love, hate over weighs love, vanity over weighs love… please share the love and check it out!? Xx
Please keep supporting me by sharing my posts, blogs, poetry and new chat show, “No One’s Lounge”. Follow, subscribe and feel free to contact me ‘re. Any mental health questions. I am just a self appointed mental health advocate, but sometimes you have to have lived, physically seen or experienced something, to get a genuine non bias foundation of knowledge. Chances are, I have seen it or experienced it first hand, when it comes to mental health, there for I have a huge amount of empathy. You shall not be judged by me. You will not be dismissed by me. I am No One, I represent everyone.
I believe that a fragment of inspiration for this piece transpired from the lyrics of the great, unfortunately late, “Amy Winehouse, love is a loosing game”. Sometimes life and unfortunate ailments and circumstances, stand between individuals and finding true Love, but to know it and taste it, like addictive poison, we forever seek more of it, but sometimes it cannot be found! Well you found it here… sending huge love out to You!
www.adiaryfromnoone.co.uk
YouTube channel noone adiaryfromnoone

Institutionalised

This song was written within the confinement’s of institutionalisation. They have sectioned me but they may never section my creativity. I thank my wonderful, generous, caring, patient friends for their emotional and creative support. They came with the tools to temporarily fix my wings and accompany them whilst soaring the sky. What a view, what a feeling, what an honour. I thank the five of you for your magnificence xxxx
Have a listen…

Listen to INSTITUTIONALISED WITH VISITORS by noone adiaryfromnoone #np on #SoundCloud

If you believe in the power of creativity and expression, have an interest in memtal health, please look at my fundraising pledge and share/donate xx

https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/jade-laurie-hart?fb_action_ids=10154847961099221&fb_action_types=og.comments&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=%5B1257924794295228%5D&action_type_map=%5B%22og.comments%22%5D&action_ref_map=%5B%5D

This was last year’s,it was amazing and with your help, it came be again.

DEMAND CHANGE…

Scroll to the bottom if you would prefer to listen, otherwise… happy reading. Please share this one, it means an awful lot to me. Thanks for visiting, come back soon!? XX

DEMAND CHANGE!

If the last four years are anything to go by,
Excuse me as I start to cry,
Because my psychologist told me that I will have this monster of an illness for the entirety of my life!
What!?
I see her every three months or so,
Go in,
Come out,
Who knows what the fuck we talk about!?
I am just another number,
Case load,
For her to box and shelf,
To prove to the bankers’ that I have been seen and “helped”,
But she hasn’t,
Helped me, that is!
Help ignites hope,
But she blew out my candle when she condemned me to an eternity of helpless misery.
I shout my woes,
Confess my sins,
Tell them all of the out’s and in’s,
But they neither see nor hear me,
Not one of all of the professionals that supposedly support me,
They just give me more pills to sooth me,
No,
Silence me!
People in my very small social and immediate family network ask that I at least communicate with them before battling with self-destruction,
But how can I purposefully burden my friends and family?
Firstly, If I disclose all the intricate details of my intense suffering,
I fear that they may section me,
And believe me,
I have been institutionalised enough times already!
The full truth,
The whole truth,
Nothing but the truth,
Will make people not want to speak or listen to me.
And so I write,
And I write,
And I write.
I may not be as articulate and witty as the professional’s,
Lack in vocabulary somewhat,
Be short of the spark that creates recognition and popularity,
A magnitude of followers,
The camera skills to go viral,
The voice of an angel,
Musicality like Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart,
But this is my art!
Speaking from the heart,
Everything that I say is true.
It may be a matter of preaching to the converted for now,
I see you nodding your head,
Taking in every word that I have said,
Thank you,
Give me an Amen!?
The budget cuts in the mental health system,
The up rise in mental health patients,
The increase in the number of people with mental health problems on the streets,
Scrapping for food to eat,
As if they don’t already have enough problems.
The black hole between help in the community and hospital admittance,
The loss of mental health control,
Less beds,
More med’s,
The increase in suicide!
I struggle to cope every single day!
I see and hear things that other people can’t,
Lucky them!
I don’t eat,
I don’t sleep,
I don’t shower,
Brush my hair or teeth,
Or I eat too much,
Sleep too much,
OCD kicks in and you could seriously eat off my dustbin!
I cry,
I panic,
I hallucinate,
I self-harm,
I hate myself,
And contemplate suicide most days!
If you have to ask why?
You haven’t been listening!
If you find my revelations a bit intense,
Then I am truly sorry,
But this is the reality,
My reality,
My life story forever more,
As my never ending diagnosis of;
BPD,
Depression,
Anxiety,
And Psychosis has been bestowed upon me for eternity!
I long for the times when I could distinguish the difference between bad days and good.
I once had the capability to actually believe in myself.
I have always had ill mental health,
First therapy session at twelve,
On pills since sixteen,
But there was still enough space in my life to dream,
Even moments when I conquered,
But I am no longer on this planet for me,
But for the people who love me!
Even though they may not fully know or understand me,
I can forgive them for that,
I do not fully know or understand myself,
But for some reason,
Some amazing people do actually love me!
And so I am very confused by this but recognise their love,
And therefor I am extremely thankful and lucky.
I fear and feel for those that have no one,
Those that receive no love at all and feel weak because of this.
Think about how isolating it is for those that have absolutely no one to share their experiences with.
There are people that have no one to aid their struggles with physical and psychological pain.
It is my pleasure and self-administrated duty to share with and represent my fellow Borderline’s,
Depressive’s,
The Anxious,
My neighbours The Schizophrenic’s,
The Bi-Polar’s,
And all of the above,
All of you,
The list is as long as my battered and bruised arms.
It takes personal experience to understand sometimes,
But you do not need a degree to practice listening or conjure empathy.
You do not need to be mentally ill yourself to acknowledge how integral mental health is in our society.
As a result of increased and continuous budget cuts in a financially deprived yet desperate area of NHS Health,
People are dying every single day.
This is a fact that deeply saddens me to say,
But this is an increasing problem that will not just calm down and go away.
We must unite and demand change.
Demand change.
DEMAND CHANGE!
With change we can help people very much in need.
With change we can potentially cut down the suicide.
With change tomorrow may not seem as grey!

Spoken Word & Song, No One Style!

2016 has been as crazy as ever for me, full of uninvited recurrences, showers of rain and glimpses of sunshine. The seemingly never ending tale of No One has been as dramatic 2016 as it has each year since 2013 when I had my breakdown. There has been love, love lost, death, institutionalisation and so much in-between.
Along side my ill health, the parallel opposite has been my forever blossoming interest in spoken word, poetry, creative writing and song. My anxiety doesn’t do me many favours when it comes to sharing my work live but I used to be an actor and I know that hard work and proper graft pays off! Essentially practice gives fuel to your craft and is the ultimate aid and tool to use and exhaust in order to aspire to perfection. As my confidence wavers and allies change, my health deteriorates and generates, it is hard to apply discipline. I am definitely on a journey though, my ultimate vision is unclear but the link below gives you a sample of what I got up to creatively in 2016. Please check it out, have no expectations and just take it for what it is.
Many Thanks and may 2017 be a good year for all of my readers, your friends, lovers and family. xx Love From, No One

Be Humane

My life has been an unenjoyable rollercoaster of ups and downs from the beginning of my time.
In order to get your attention,
I usually write in rhyme,
Instead of flicking past me,
The rhythm and melody of my words carefully sown together,
It seems to attract you,
Gives me time,
Time to speak freely,
Honestly,
About the highs and lows of human mentality.
This is my reality,
No filter,
No script,
Or set up scene’s,
But the brutal truth of living with bad mental health as a human being.
I cannot raise awareness or demand change,
If you are not fully aware of the vast and delicate intimacy of mental health.
If you separate yourself,
Believing the subject doesn’t matter if it is happening to someone else,
And not you yourself,
You can live in denial,
You can ignore the facts,
Leave my words to rot on your dusty shelf,
But these issues won’t solve themselves!
We all have mental health,
Bad mental health is a disability,
However it bestows upon thee,
Often a result of inequality,
Poverty,
A result of nurture,
Or nature,
Simply the way God made ya,
Whatever!
You have to remember that in our entire lifetime,
It can happen to one in four,
Which means we cannot ignore it anymore!
Why is there so much stigma?
So much hate?
Open your eye’s and ears with me,
And contemplate.
No one wants pain,
To suffer,
Don’t be ignorant and brush it off because it is happening to another,
We could be talking about your sister or brother.
Don’t be selfish,
No one is immune,
If it is not you now,
It could be you soon!
Now,
I don’t mean to patronise,
Or antagonise any of you,
Mental health is not the common cold,
Or flu,
It is not something you can catch,
But as a matter of fact,
It can be genetic,
And being conscious of this isn’t pathetic.
Living with mental health problems,
It is really hard,
And if you are dealt that card,
Less judgement from others would allow us to still feel valid.
Open your minds and be empathetic,
Learn, know and understand,
Before casting us all off as contraband.
Prejudice and ignorance does not a problem solve,
It divides us,
Encourages segregation,
Our kind has had enough of that,
Let us not go backwards,
May we move forward,
And stop standing still.
Hold my hand and help other’s learn and understand,
That being ill,
It’s not a choice,
It happens against our will.
We are all still Human,
And so please,
Be humane!

Cupid and His Arrow….

Is it possible that the well known master of enforcing romantic and undeniable love, Cupid, had siblings with opposite traits? Born from Venus, his mother who represented love, beauty, desire and fertility, and his father Mars who represented war,weapons and battles. It seems clear who Cupid got his traits from, his mother. Should there have been another child, born to the same parents, could his/her traits be quite the opposite of Cupid? Spreading heartache rather then love? I think it possible, as such a curse has been bestowed upon many a people! Equal, if not more than those who have found love!

They say that Cupid and his bow and arrow,
Match make,
Connect,
And bestow love upon you and another!
Be it a blessing?
Or be it a curse?
The myths suggest that The phantom known as Cupid,
Did indeed exist and conquer love.
Be his arrow infused with natural and herbal remedies,
Much like those used by Native Americans.
Dipped into Titania’s fairy made potions from the forests.
Blessed by the ritual of blood from those sacrificed,
Like in the times of Egyptian worship and offering’s to God.
Leaving the targets absolutely spellbound,
Hit by love,
Straight in the heart!
And thus is Cupid’s job.
Please contemplate the inevitability of there being an opposite being.
Like there is a high and there is a low,
There is an up and there is a down,
Big and small,
Love and hate,
There is always an opposite,
Did Venus and Mars,
Another creature make?
A being with a dark side,
Like the grim reaper,
Waiting in the shadows for easy prey,
Good,
Loving,
And vulnerable hearts to break?
I have been hurt,
Abandoned,
And rejected,
Far to many times.
It cannot be bad luck,
Cannot be a coincidence.
Something other then I and my prey,
Must play a part in this dismay.
Perhaps voodoo,
Or the Devils art,
I seem destined for a broken heart.
Yet it is the core of my art.
Fairy-tale’s and Rom Com’s may not be for me,
But I do feel that poetry is my destiny.

A Festival From No One, the first!

Scratch Night

Tonight I got to see,
What spoken word can potentially be,
Rap in true form,
Words and music fused together whilst the artists perform.
I felt really old,
It was so new for me,
The artists were undeniably bold,
But the pace was to fast you see,
I prefer simplicity.
I like to hear each and every word,
Even if full of profanity’s,
And simply absurd.
The talent was unbelievable,
Unimaginable,
And seemingly inconceivable.
They called it a scratch night,
Where all types of rappers unite,
There was no battle or fight.
Pure love and appreciation,
Mutual respect,
Not at all what you would stereotypically expect.
The vibe was perfect,
And all of the performers earned my respect.
It’s a taste thing I expect,
Not at all a hate thing.
Rapping is a skill to be reckoned with,
And if I tried,
I would look like a div!
I went to drama school,
I am no literacy fool.
Perhaps my deliverance is somewhat classical and boring,
Like a teacher at school,
But I never professed to be cool.
I’m just old school.
I fixate on feelings,words and rhyme,
Rather then time,
But I must stress that I appreciate the rapping skill,
And undoubtedly always will.
Whether I personally take to rapping or not,
Thus far,
Spoken word is as far as I have personally got.

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