I have experienced quiet but…
It’s never truly quiet,
There were moments before,
Like deep in slumber,
But not anymore!
The concept of silence,
I would associate it with sleep,
Something hand in hand with when the lights go out,
A time to let your brain sleep.
A time for peace, quiet and still,
That was before I got really ill!
I long for it now,
The ongoing noise is haunting.
I liked busy sounds,
They were a circumference of comforting energy.
Contending with traffic,
The hustle and bustle of people,
Was once all I knew,
Living in the over populated “London Town” zoo.
The clink and clank of cooking to the west,
Such was the noise and audio reality of flat sharing.
Even when growing up and back home,
Just mum and I,
But still plenty of sound,
The dog barking in the garden to the north,
Mum singing out of key to the radio in the kitchen to the south,
Television on in the living room to the east,
Me chit chatting on the landline to the west.
All of this,
It is what I knew,
The noise of my life,
Content in the sound cloud,
Bubble wrapped within the comfort of what I knew,
The humbling sounds that I was used to.
The noises pacified me,
I knew that I was never alone.
It is not quite the same.
I dislike the sounds that I hear,
They seriously generate fear.
And all of the noises in-between,
My ears are more sensitive now,
To the less obvious sounds in life.
I hear the lights buzzing,
The clock ticking,
The radiators whistling,
The voices of those that you can neither hear or see.
I liked noise,
It didn’t restrict me,
I felt free,
But now it’s different because I cannot escape it you see.
Whatever label you want to stamp on me.
Once pacified by the comforting sounds of home and life,
My ears now ache,
And I cannot shake the discomfort which these noises make.
A voice in my left ear,
Another in my right,
Trying to ignore them,
As to correspond with you and seem alright.
All the while my strength implodes,
Because balancing it all,
It is a tough fight.
The idea of complete silence used to be a fright,
Now it is all I dream of,
Everyday and every night!