A Diary From Noone

She spoke but no one heard, every scream seemed a whisper, and so she took pen to paper...

Tag: #neglect

Ugly Mess…

Am I weak?
Do you disapprove of the approval that I seek?
Are you aware of your neglect,
And the emotional debt that you are racking up with me.
Can you not hear nor see?
The division between us is making me feel empty,
Worthless,
You have cut the string prematurely,
I do not feel free.
I do not want your sympathy,
But I would relish in your empathy.
How can you be so blind,
And not admit that you have left me behind.
It is your duty to fix and solidify the devide between us,
To eliminate any confusion or fuss,
By keeping us wholesome.
Once a pair,
Then an equal square,
Now a triangle,
Or a pentagon,
Where has my place gone?
Should I try one more time to let you know,
Or just keep the memories alive of the good times,
Be happy for you,
And let you go?
I have tried to articulate my feelings,
To orchestrate some emotional healing,
I am the outsider without the key,
No longer immediate family.
Each chapter of our story,
I appear less and less,
As you clear out the cobwebs of ugliness,
And release me,
The ugly mess.

Mental Health Awareness Day

There is no shame in admitting that you are suffering,
Impatient and unempathetic people may tire of hearing,
Struggling to recognise what you are feeling,
None believing because they are not seeing,
Ill mental health may appear to be invisible,
Some people need to see scans,
Broken bones and bleeding,
Or they suspiciously cross you off as deceiving,
And that is why we need to raise awareness,
There are other telling truths then seeing to believe in.
Struggling to get out of bed,
Find joy and motivation,
Psychosis consistent,
Becomes dominant,
Especially when support off others is infrequent,
Or none existant.
When your hallucinations are more common,
Than the occurance of communication off others,
Life is bleak,
You are a prisoner to darkness,
Unable to see any light,
Each day is a fright,
And there is only one way out.
Your friends loose interest.
Your family turn their backs,
The help is infrequent,
Your lover feels trapped,
It seems like you mean to push them all away,
But just like you don’t know what to do or say,
Neither do they.
Social media is false representation,
Liking a post is not interaction,
Real acknowledgment,
Or appreciation.
Choosing to not discuss life depending issues,
Does not make them disappear.
Invitations become less.
Not one text.
You are living your life,
Avoiding the mess.
Not grasping that your neglection interjects even more stress.
So instead of being strong
Firm,
Consistent,
You just slip away,
Awkwardly as you know not what to say,
Until one day it happens to you,
And you get it,
But it is all just a little to late.
Take responsibility in knowing the basics of understanding the power of the mind.
We all have mental health,
And therefor we can and most likely will,
All experience ill mental health to some degree,
So take the opportunity to understand and be prepared,
We are not all hero’s,
If you can’t,
Or don’t want to help others,
At least help yourself.
Once you understand,
Pass the baton,
The more we know,
The more that know,
The less stigma and exclusion,
More respect and inclusion,
Hopefully leading to saving lives.
We loose too many to suicide.
Rip to those that have gone,
In your memory may we be strong,
Join forces,
Learn healing,
And live on.

YOU STRIKE ME WITH EVERY QUESTION MARK!!!!

Is it really appropriate to intimidate me?
To interrogate me?
I am being polite,
Trying to comply,
And somewhat realise,
That any help you may offer,
It will only work,
If I also help myself.
But when I say that your questions are to much,
Why do you pretend not to hear me?
On and on,
Probing,
Pushing,
Pulling,
Squeezing,
Shaking,
Triggering,
Beating out a response.
Like a tight knitted rope,
Doused in petrol,
Lit with fire.
You strike me with every question mark,
Repeatedly until you get some kind of answer!
The truth is…
I,
Just,
Don’t,
Know!!!
This notion does not seem to satisfy you,
So seemingly with annoyance,
You keep disturbing my rest,
Which is baffling to me,
As ultimately the more interruptions,
The less I will be able to process.
Many a new faces,
From all sorts of departments and places,
Parade in and ask me the same old questions.
I respond,
But in all truth,
I have no recollection of what I have said.
Every time you ambush me,
Instead of pushing,
Reasoning,
Explanations,
Accounts,
And recounts,
To the forefront of my head,
You push them back,
Deep down,
And I fear,
To the point of no return!
To you,
It is all about,
Text books,
Rules and regulations,
Case loads,
Just another name,
Another number to file,
All the while I am suffering,
And no one understands.
I don’t kick off,
Throw things around,
Swear,
And dish out verbal abuse,
Because that is not my nature,
But believe me,
I feel it all inside.
It may look like I am content,
Taking it all in my stride,
But read between the lines,
Communicate on my level,
Make it known that you understand,
Because thus far,
You have only weighed me down,
And without assistance very soon,
I know that I am going to drown!

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