For My Mother…

When you look into the eyes of a loved one after a mental health episode, it is emotionally suffocating. You see the pain that you have caused them reflect from their over dilated pupils. The stains from tears upon their cheeks and heavy bags from lack of sleep. They look worse off then you do. Not being a mother myself, I cannot fathom the pain that I have put her through and only hope that she knows causing her pain whilst suffering from a poorly brain, is not what I intended to do. Nothing that you can say or do can cancel, delete or take away the emotional scarring that you have lasered upon them. All words of apology, any type of explanation disintegrate before they reach her ears because you have awakened her deepest fears. Unintentionally or not, the damage has already been done. Once in a state of clarity, I now see and acknowledge the wrongs that I have done and apologise whole heartedly. Please know that I love you and accept the damage that I have done. You are my Mum, my home and where I came from.