Lingers…

She’s standing on her own two feat,
Air in her lungs,
A healthy heart beat.
Looking good,
Painted Nails,
Face and hair,
But don’t get mislead by the hood.
Cobwebs in the brain,
Unstable in the mind,
Insane.
Trying so hard to fit in,
Suffering in silence,
As the weight of mental illness lingers within.

When The Curtains Close…

When the curtain’s close,
And the applause dies down,
I enter another dimension,
Spinning dizzy on an irrational Merry Go Round.
My mask scrubbed off,
Costume neatly hung,
Lines stored for tomorrow,
I cannot pretend anymore,
And I am left in sorrow.
My hands shake,
Arms ache,
As I try to embrace myself,
Rocking back and forth,
Backwards and forth.
Most people get nervous when the stage lights go up,
Yet for me,
It is when the lights go down.
My heart sinks.
There is no platform to pretend anymore.
I loose my voice,
My heart heavy and sore.
Weak in the knee’s,
Unsteady feet,
The magic fades,
Leaving me weak.
The star has gone,
I am No One,
Someone,
Anyone,
Everyone,
No sense of self,
Or belonging,
Alone,
Just me!
Whoever that may be!?

My Iron Mask

Like the man in the Iron Mask,
I have on similar attire,
Worry not about the bolts and staples attaching the painted and heavy mask to my face,
It is what lye’s underneath that hurts.
Not the painted smile.
My hands shake,
But you do not see.
My heart aches,
But you do not see.
My body trembles,
But you do not see.
Tears fall,
But you do not see.
You don’t really see me at all.
All you see is the fake smile on my cast iron mask,
Yet truthfully,
I cannot remember when I smiled last!