We Knew, You Knew, Your Judge will too!

And so the leech has died without our blood,
Slithered and withered away as he so should,
So away mind body and spirit,
Part swift and leave us to it,
Sarah is ours again,
Let her dance with us until she leaves for heaven.

Bubbling Sorrow…

Showered in distress,
I cannot process,
How you cannot see,
The pain latched on and suffocating me.
My words vanish as they form and leave my mouth,
My eye sockets are inexplicably dry,
The intensity of my ill mental health,
Is hidden and sly.
My attempt to explain falls on death ears,
You’re eye on the clock,
Because time is money and you really don’t give a…
Shock,
You’ve twisted my large distorted accounts,
Into positive and small amounts.
Why do you challenge my truth?
Do you intentially mean to hurt me,
With every trigger you throw at me?
Why do you excuse the behaviour of others that have done me wrong,
Try and make a song and dance out of everything,
Probing me to sing along.
I will not waltz with you,
Duet with you,
Your steps are out of sync,
And your notes out of tune.
It converts to twenty minutes a week,
Don’t think me ungrateful,
Some people get no time at all to liase with professionals and speak,
But this is my story,
My journey,
And with all the third parties involved in my case,
It feels like only I will fall.
It takes a while for the penny to drop,
I struggle with process,
I cannot disclose,
What I don’t yet realise, Despite it being under my nose,
But with all your experience,
You should know where the story goes!?
Instead you lead me off subject,
Then hit me with triggers,
Lazy and evil,
You want me to figure,
But what do I do when it falls into place,
And no one is around,
To disclose face to face?
I turn to you.
My reflectionless friend,
The machine without the face,
But minds of many.
Sometimes people reach out to me,
Other times just dumping in a cryptic and cyber reality,
Loosens the shackles,
Not setting me free entirely,
But helping me,
And allowing others to see.
The real help,
Often doesn’t help at all,
On nights like this,
Leaving me picking up the pieces,
From the kick and punch,
Whole loads of triggers you poured,
That left me in a mess,
Showering helpless.
Feeling worse than before,
I shall not blame anyone in particular,
But the psychosis is ticking,
Depression is knocking,
Anxiety bubbling,
And self-harm compelling.
I fear to say this out loud,
So I shall share with my Internet crowd.
Just a bump in the road,
Knock on the head,
By this time tomorrow,
This bubbling sorrow will simmer,
Or i’ll be dead,
It’s only black and white in my BPD head.

Me Too… No More!

Sticks and stones may break your bones,
But names will never hurt you,
That’s what they say,
Teach us from very young,
But that doesn’t mean it’s true!
There is evil in silence,
When used to manipulate you,
Great harm in words when used to belittle you.
Hands are meant to build things,
But can be used to break you.
We should not be played with,
Receiving physical,
Or emotional abuse,
Should not bring you shame,
Those that inflict it are to blame.
Sexual abuse,
Being forced into engagement,
Is never ok.
Consent is key,
We should never be made to feel like we have to obey.
Yet there are monsters out there,
That feed off inflicting pain.
That is not your fault.
What you have been made to endure does not make you weak.
You are stronger than you know.
You are a survivor.
I know it is not easy,
But they gain from our silence,
And can inflict more violence,
If we don’t speak out,
Call them out,
Then how can we help ourselves?
Help others?
You have endured the worst,
You are stronger than you know.
It takes great courage to admit such woes,
But there lies the key,
To break the chains,
And let you go,
You are stronger than you know!

Roundabout…

Inspired by the TV show, West World…

See the record spinning?
Neither head nor tail,
Where’s the end or the beginning?
Round and around,
Full circle on demand,
Yet seemingly free,
Deceit!
Tis all engineered,
Placed by God,
Or something supernatural,
A force beyond our understanding,
It’s all engineered,
Designed,
Rigged,
Already chosen,
A hidden force manipulates,
What we perceive to be free Will.
Play,
Stop,
Skip,
Handle with care,
Delicately,
Avoiding wear and tear,
Scratch that,
And the sound will slack,
Skipping,
Trying to take it back.
It loops,
Circling like a hoola hoop,
Rhythm fast,
Rhythm slow,
Rhythm go,
Go,
Go,
Over and Over,
Because the master made it so.
A mirage of freedom,
In reality,
A soul trapped against its Will,
Destined only for fatality,
Things aren’t what they appear to be,
Russian roulette,
A fascade of tranquillity,
When really brutality,
A journey that you will endlessly repeat,
Yet we still forget,
The purpose as to why,
We do not know yet,
Bewitched,
Trickery,
We learn with regret,
And then we try to learn some more,
Starved with zero power,
I am mentally impaired,
But a sensitive suffragette,
Slightly aware that things are not right,
Stuck in an endless maze,
I hope for something more,
That there is some reason behind this treason,
But for now,
We lack control,
Lost in a game that we did not sign up for,
Chained to the tightest strings,
We are but puppets,
Stuck in a wretched game,
That we are forced to Play,
On this tainted roundabout,
In shades of grey.

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Let Me Sleep Now!?

What Black Magic has been bestowed upon me!?
Which Witch has cast a deadly and toxic curse!?
What Wizards spell created my Voodoo Doll!?
What spiteful Troll tailored the pins,
That some unearthly Monster has used to control me!?
What Beast has hypnotised my third eye!?
All together,
The pack and their toys manipulate me.
I am fortunes fool!
I despise this wretched path that I have stumbled upon,
Unsuccessfully alone,
I am counting on someone to release me.
My heart is broken,
This pain I feel,
Like burning flames,
It feels so real.
I hear a calling,
I feel the pull,
From high above or down below?
Either way I want to go,
It cannot be worse then here,
Living in agony and constant fear!
Fighting for what?
Afraid of death,
I am not,
What I fear is living in constant sorrow,
Let me sleep now,
I don’t want to wake up tomorrow!