Ugly Mess…

Am I weak?
Do you disapprove of the approval that I seek?
Are you aware of your neglect,
And the emotional debt that you are racking up with me.
Can you not hear nor see?
The division between us is making me feel empty,
Worthless,
You have cut the string prematurely,
I do not feel free.
I do not want your sympathy,
But I would relish in your empathy.
How can you be so blind,
And not admit that you have left me behind.
It is your duty to fix and solidify the devide between us,
To eliminate any confusion or fuss,
By keeping us wholesome.
Once a pair,
Then an equal square,
Now a triangle,
Or a pentagon,
Where has my place gone?
Should I try one more time to let you know,
Or just keep the memories alive of the good times,
Be happy for you,
And let you go?
I have tried to articulate my feelings,
To orchestrate some emotional healing,
I am the outsider without the key,
No longer immediate family.
Each chapter of our story,
I appear less and less,
As you clear out the cobwebs of ugliness,
And release me,
The ugly mess.

No One’s Lounge

To my readers,

Just as you support me by following this website and staying up To date with my poetry and blogs. Please help me in the same way by watching/sharing/supporting/following and subscribing to my YouTube channel, noone adiaryfromnoone and enjoy the festive pilot of my new chat show, No One’s Lounge. Enjoy acoustic music, magic and chit chat about Christmas traditions and how the season often evokes ill mental health within people. Comment, have your say and ask me anything. This show is for you. Merry Christmas 2017,

From No One 🎅☃️🎄

Shadows Of Reflection

As I walk alone in the shadows of reflection,
The ceiling is my earth,
The ground my sky,
Snowflakes fall like flames of fire,
Each drop burns my skin,
As I breath I drown,
The oxygen texture is like water,
Alone and lost,
I am searching,
Not fully understanding who for,
Or where to begin,
Something,
Or someone,
Wants me,
Terribly confused,
Deterred by nature,
All odds stacked against me,
But I feel a strong pulling from my core,
Like a magnet,
I am connected,
Drawn in,
I do not understand this mad and lonely world that I am in.

Salvation…

I barely recognise myself,
When I look into the mirror,
The reflection is a stranger.
My body ages in line with time,
But my mind is stuck,
Broken,
Barely evolving,
No direction or motion,
Trapped in an unstraight line.
I am the garden without gas,
The fire without coal,
The light bulb without electricity.
Bewildered,
I try to fight,
Push through,
But the force holding me back is stronger than I or you,
There is nothing more that I can do,
But ride the waves,
And hope for salvation.

Destined For Catastrophy

They say that in life,
When we are born,
We are all on a certain path,
But what they don’t tell you,
Is that one decision,
One simple decision,
Can change and alter that path,
In some cases for eternity,
In others,
You may get lost for a little while,
As each path leads to another,
And another,
But the lucky ones,
They finally get back on track,
And fulfil their born destiny,
The luckier ones hurtle in their born direction,
From birth until their end,
But some of us get so lost,
And bewildered in the darkness,
That we loose a sense of self,
And without knowing ones self,
How can one know their own destiny?
I feel that I fall into the later category,
I feel like I am drifting out into the endless and bottomless sea,
And before I took sail,
I had lost every part of me,
Not misplaced,
But lost forever more,
And so I go on,
And on,
And on,
Drifting,
And drifting,
Not sure of my future.
I fear that I may have forsworn my born destiny,
But somehow know that it will be a lonely and bitter end for me,
Whoever, “Me” may be!
I dream and fantasise that one day,
Someone will come along and save me,
But as time passes,
Second’s,
Minute’s,
Hour’s,
Day’s,
Week’s,
Month’s,
Year’s,
That notion seems more and more improbable,
I just cling to it for comfort.
I don’t know what I was born to be,
What life could or should have had in store for me,
But I feel in my bones what will be,
What looms above me,
And it is not pleasant,
Welcomed,
Nor warranted.
It is disaster and catastrophe!

keeping up appearances…

Are distractions’ a type of remedy,
Or are they just another mask,
A cover up of my inner enemy,
A form of deceit and so people won’t ask,
The dreaded,
“How are you!?”
I admit there is some relief in distraction,
But it is not a subtraction,
I still feel so very wrong,
And like I am keeping up appearances in order to belong.

Left Sore…

Stranded and alone,
I felt scared,
All of my positivity disappeared.
Let down,
I could not fathom your mood,
Left as easy bate,
I was lucky to have not been pursued,
As I sat crying,
No idea where I was,
In the dark,
At an unfriendly time.
The truth is,
I am not well,
Even the slightest trigger,
Could send me to hell!
The incident plays and replays in my head,
Just a little hiccup for you,
Drove me to despair,
Nearly ending up dead.
And yet still no apology,
How very disappointing,
And unfair,
Did you even care?
Now safe,
Home at last,
Yet the memory of the incident,
I cannot put down to the past!
It will stay in my head forever more,
Emotionally bruised,
And very sore.