A Diary From Noone

She spoke but no one heard, every scream seemed a whisper, and so she took pen to paper...

Tag: #live

Talk To People…

So the caption and advice of, “Talk To People” is an endless trending message re. Mental Health these days and I thank those with a platform whom are willing to discuss ill mental health, as we live in a follow fashion society and celebrities posts are listened to, influence, motivate Joe public more than The Royals/Politicians/mental health specialists and survivors in recovery like myself these days, especially for the young ones, whom inevitably are our future.
I like that mental illness is being discussed rather than shunned and hushed, it’s on the radar and people are getting more acquainted with mental illness and what it may mean. Yet there is still an ambience of being sugar coated, polished, filtered, watered down and cut. Ill mental health has a vast spectrum and many, many layers. It is complex, it has no cap or guaranteed time limit. Each experience is personal. Most experiences have a domino effect and the pain unintentionally ripples through our nearest and dearest. Some people just aren’t equipped to help and support people in immediate/impulsive/high risk/sudden/long standing crisis and that is OK, often there needs to be professional intervention. Unless someone has been through something similar personally or knows of someone and how the mental health system works, therefor having empathetic ears and memorised go to responses, hearing that someone is suicidal is a huge responsibility that may have a knock on affect and cause detrimental damage to the chosen someone, making them feel guilty, some part responsible, to blame and then mentally unwell due to the strain and guilt. Not everyone is equipped to deal with another in a mental breakdown/psychotic episode/crisis and that is OK, but something we must teah and preech before sending out a global message to those that are unwell, saying just tell someone/anyone when not everyone can handle the responsibility and then the rejection could make the ill more sick.
Not everyone has empathy and emotional common sense. Generation’s/Religion/Nature/Nurture/Upbringing/Exposure may sway our minds in response to comprehending the magnitude of seriousness mental health issues obtain.
Many people turn to social media for help, not understanding that social media is simply smokes and mirrors, people are more into putting out than even giving attention to what comes in. The ill persons message and cry for help may not be seen until too late, maybe just not even at all. People love to post messages of love and heartache after lives are lost rather than being around to comfort when people are on the line. It is all rather insincere.
Clueless people yet my own loved ones have said, “Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling like that”, “Do you think you are the only one”, “If you’re going to do it (commit suicide) hurry up and get on with it”, “We are all fucked up, not just you”, “You know we love you” post suicide attempts and so that is why I do not reach out to anyone, because abandonment and rejection are two heavy symptoms of my Borderline Personality Disorder, if I am feeling suicidal, reach out to friends whom never check in, family whom say the above, my impulsivuty will be the final straw. If you reach out for help and don’t receive it, it will make you worse, so being advised to just confide in anyone is poor advice, it’s a goal but we are not all there yet! Maybe that someone is great the first time but flash forward three years, they are over it with a call my bluff attitude or tough love, or even nonchalant way of thinking, distancing themselves from you, purposefully excluding you, segregating you, not realising that the sick persons actions are not a choice and cannot be switched off for respite. I guarantee that the strain they put on you does not even contend with what they are going through. Please don’t neglect your duty of care to your daughter/sister/mother etc. External support can be critical but love is a powerful medicine!
Sometimes when in need, I haven’t even been able to get in touch with my mental health team and two-five hours later when I do, the advice is nothing more than common sense, which is not a remedy for someone out of their mind.
If you cannot call anyone that you know, please call the likes of the semaritans.
If you don’t like talking or even know where or how to start, please call 999 or 111 and they will act accordingly.
Please think about what options you have and try them all before attempting the final straw.
Flashback a few months to a year before you hit rock bottom. Please go to your GP and disclose your ailments, they will refer you accordingly. Figure out what distraction techniques work for you when you are having a bad/hard time. Even if without detail, let someone you are close to (family/friend/colleague/partner) know and so they are in the loop. Remember mental illness is more common than you would think and therefor the stats of ignorance and ridicule are slowly dropping.
If you cannot talk face to face or via text, please write a letter or blog or poem, you don’t have to send or post but it may be an easier way for you to share your vulnerability.
Someone out there loves you or that someone is coming. You deserve love, kindness, patience, understanding and happiness.
Who knows what happens when we go, I guess in this lifetime we will never know and so please hold on, it’s a bumpy ride, but try not to check out before the end, it will come, so please wait and let it, this suffering may have a purpose but only time will tell, if you keep defying and reaching, don’t let the darkness eat you! ❤️ ;

No One’s Lounge: Christmas Pilot Trailer

For those of you that suffer from ill physical and/or ill mental health and just cannot get out and about.
For those of you with restrictive anxiety that holds you back from communicating with friends or family.
For those of you with crippling depression that holds you captive in your own home.
On behalf of those that are homeless and on the streets with no security or food to eat.
On behalf of the elderly whom are lonely and seemingly forgotten.
On behalf of children and young people in foster care with no loyal, loving and supportive family.
On behalf of substance abusers that cannot break their cycle of bad habits.
On behalf of the mentally ill whom are institutionalised, suicidal, lonesome and feeling insignificant.
I spare a thought of kindness for you all.
I empathise.
I recognise.
I accept and do not reject you.
This pilot is mostly about Christmas,yet I acknowledge that the above does not only exist at this festive time, in fact things for these people probably escalate at this time! I have been institutionalised at Christmas, unwell at Christmas and my eyes are open to all of it. I acknowledge you.
No One’s Lounge is a chat show for people whom feel like they miss out on going out and being entertained, and miss out on meaningful conversation. From my lounge, directly to yours, I want to discuss the vast spectrum of ill mental health whilst also enjoying live entertainment.
I need a producer, financial support and public acknowledgement. Put all three together and we will have a very good season on our hands 🤞 please watch the pilot, subscribe and look out for the full episode, December 24th 🎅❤🎅

Me Live on The BBC… Please Listen & Share if you also care about Mental Health Awareness…

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p056ffm2#play

Tonight I spoke about mental health via spoken word; the subject is still considered a taboo and carries a lot of unnecessary stigma. This is my opportunity to initiate a bit of clarity and prove that mental illness is not always something to be scared of.
Everyone has mental health; it is the cognitive part of the brain, therefor absolutely everyone has the potential to acquire ill mental health. One can argue that some people are even born with it, genetics do play a part, as does ones environment or lifestyle. Ill mental health affects one in three people in their lifetime, Therefor it needs to be a subject that is known and understood as general knowledge, not just if it hits you close to home.
As a self-appointed mental health awareness advocate, I go by the name, “No One”! This is not a derogative term but one of inclusion; I represent anyone and everyone, no one in particular.
I feel that I know the Mental Health system very well, I’ve been in it for more than half of my life, especially since my breakdown in 2013, I was then subsequently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder or Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, depending on where you are in the world.
I have to deal with severe symptoms like psychosis, hallucinations, depression, mania, numbness, dissociation which can, and do often lead to impulsive self-destructive and suicidal behaviour, on a daily basis, in rapid cycles; it is exhausting, terrifying and isolating. I have been in and out of psychiatric hospitals for years. No one would choose this lifestyle.
Lately the media has been talking a lot about mental health and celebrities have been speaking up and out about their experiences, encouraging all, to communicate their problems with friends, families and peers. Yet this is not always an option for everybody. Religion, ethnicity, culture, sexuality may discourage vulnerable individuals. Not everyone has someone! I agree that it is good to talk, to offload but most of, “Jo Blogs” (which is understandable due to the lack of general mental health education) they often don’t know what to suggest or how to help. Sometimes friends and family get overwhelmed and seemingly turn their backs, emotions, love and fear often results in them not wanting to hear and makes them take a step back. So if able, you turn to the professionals and you still get nothing! Many of the mental health working practitioners that I have encountered, they simply don’t know how to react to confessions as complex as mine own, because they have not personally experienced it or been trained on how to handle it, a generic text book will only get you so far. The NHS mental health system is struggling and literally cannot expand their care to help all that need it.
My website, www.adiaryfromnoone.co.uk has a purpose. Inclusivity! My writing allows others that are unwell to identify and not feel alone, also their connections to understand what they may not be able to articulate or express themselves.
I am organising my second festival to bring families and the community together in a creative environment with mental health at the heart of it. Saturday 22nd July, 12-5pm @ 123-125 Showell Green Lane, B11 4JD Please come along and support the cause. Donations are welcome but this is a free event. The majority of money raised is going to, “Caring Minds Charity” whom distribute donations between The Birmingham And Solihull Mental Health Trust. I specifically want it to go towards training.

Spoken Word & Song, No One Style!

2016 has been as crazy as ever for me, full of uninvited recurrences, showers of rain and glimpses of sunshine. The seemingly never ending tale of No One has been as dramatic 2016 as it has each year since 2013 when I had my breakdown. There has been love, love lost, death, institutionalisation and so much in-between.
Along side my ill health, the parallel opposite has been my forever blossoming interest in spoken word, poetry, creative writing and song. My anxiety doesn’t do me many favours when it comes to sharing my work live but I used to be an actor and I know that hard work and proper graft pays off! Essentially practice gives fuel to your craft and is the ultimate aid and tool to use and exhaust in order to aspire to perfection. As my confidence wavers and allies change, my health deteriorates and generates, it is hard to apply discipline. I am definitely on a journey though, my ultimate vision is unclear but the link below gives you a sample of what I got up to creatively in 2016. Please check it out, have no expectations and just take it for what it is.
Many Thanks and may 2017 be a good year for all of my readers, your friends, lovers and family. xx Love From, No One

Hope

Without hope what are we?
Without hope we are nothing.
Without hope, leaves us only with darkness.
Without hope, why bother at all.
Hope allows us to dream and achieve.
Hope allows us to live another day.
Hope helps clean the cobwebs away.
Hope is something that we have to learn.
Hope inspires us.
Hope allows us to turn nothing into greatness.
Hope can prove to be disappointing.
Hope can be misguiding.
Hope can be forgotten, but cannot get lost.
Hope is always there for you.
Hope is pure and true.
Hope.
Be hopeful.

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