Sleep is my hobby and escape,
A personal skill of perfection to the nine,
From which I acquired so naturally,
From the get go,
And yet tonight,
Despite being dosed up on my sanity medication,
Being fully prepared to escape reality and ill mentality,
I hoped to dream of unicorns and cotton candy,
Blissfully bobbing along on my all inclusive Mr Sandmans lullaby vacation,
Alas love is a powerful creation,
That has stirred something within,
My need to escape has shrunk,
As everyday has been a holiday,
But now you’ve gone away,
And the bitter side affect is insomnia,
As tonight my lover lies with me not,
And loneliness has returned,
A feeling I had unknowingly forgot.
I want to reach more people. I want to help more people. I want to make the topic of mental health more socially acceptable. I want to reach those in need. I want people to feel less alone and alien. I want people to accept their ailments. I will share my story and experiences of ill mental health time and time again, because I believe doing so sets an inclusive atmosphere for us all to share. I am no one, no one special, no one in particular, just a being like you, that is happy to share, providing my truth helps others contend with their own woes.
I will always write, but I am trying a new avenue of exposure. Visable documentary! Yet I need your help to do it properly. Please check out my Christmas 2017 pilot, both in trailer and/or full, via noone adiaryfromnoone on my YouTube Channel and please subscribe as well as share.
#shoutouts for those with #insomnia #Depression #anxietyproblems #worries #troubles #bpd #personalitydisorders #schizophrenia #ptsd #pnd any and every ill mental health #MentalHealthMatters & knowledge should be shared not silenced, please help me reach out to make more https://youtu.be/4mC_l48Ixkc via https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/noone/dashboard asap
When you wake up in floods of tears,
Because you have just had to face your deepest fears,
You realise that, “Queen Mab” has been to see you!
Inserting pricks of poison into your heavenly clouds of sleep,
To purposely unsteady your mind,
Trick and fool you,
Whilst comatose and blind,
Conjuring bad thoughts that are most unkind,
Leaving you emotionally spent and weak.
My dream may as well have been true,
You may think my inability to distinguish slumber from truth makes me a wuss,
But I argue that if this black magic had happened to you,
Even you would kick up a fuss.
My pillow soaked with puddles of tears,
My bed sheet’s soaked from fearful sweat,
Short of breath,
My mouth sore from holding in my secret.
Dishevelled and uneasy,
I feel like I have had no rest at all.
A nightmare conjured from demons of Hell,
How I wish that you don’t come true,
That I can somehow rid of you before you do,
May I banish all connections to the darkside,
Somewhere far away and so they cannot harm either I or you,
Blocking access to the venomous creatures of the night,
And welcome the sandman to evoke only light!
Or else I shall get no rest,
And the exhaustion and distress,
shall haunt me both day and night,
Stripping me of my armour,
Leaving me hollow and too weak to fight.
Leading me to consistent pain and misery,
Yet all that I want is to feel right and safe,
With some reassurance that all will be OK!
My nightmares run strong and deep,
Affecting my awake time,
Not just my sleep.
I banish you,
To fully take my control back someday.
You sleep alot don’t you!?
Don’t you want to wake up,
And breath the next day?
Sleep for you,
It is simply what you are obliged to do,
Something you have to get through.
I have a different relationship with sleep.
Days awake are something I am obliged to do,
Each a task that I have to get through,
And that might not make much sense to you,
But it is one hundred percent true.
Sleep is my oxygen,
A place to escape my painful reality.
Each waking day a nightmare,
Each sleep affair,
Like a little prayer,
Sleep saves me from despair.
It pays no bother to depression,
Does not acknowledge my anxiety
I can breath and it sets me free.
I know I cannot lay dormant for the rest of my life,
But I am addicted to sleeps powers of avoiding pain and strife.
Some sleep’s are bad,
When my brain shuts down with disassociation,
Loosing all consciousness and concentration.
I cannot awake from.
Or dreams that make you sad,
As you wake up sobbing into a soaked pillow.
Drunk with lethargy,
Eyelids glued shut,
I have no energy or motivation to move,
I feel sick to the stomach,
Have an aching head,
Crazed with a continuous mental and physical haze.
It is less pain then seeing the next day.
I sleep to keep my demons at bay!