Poorly Chest…

You want me to take full responsibility for smoking, yet you will not listen to my reasons why, the symptoms of my concern or anything that I say. You expect my respect because you are a qualified, ” DOCTOR”. In my opinion, this tittle does not warrant such expectations. I respect people who have the patience to converse and not just dictate. I respect people that give equal opportunities to all. I respect people who listen and not just assume. I respect people who have the ability to empathise.
The NHS BSMHT and I assume many other regions, have issued a smokefree ban, the reasoning behind this, I would like to believe had all patients best interests at heart but an organisation that exists because of vulnerable people, designed to provide help for such people, should still not have the authority to dictate what leagul habits may and may not take place in people’s lives. The environment of institutionalisation is stressful enough as it is! Quitting smoking is an intense challenge to engage in, most affective when the individual wants to. Forcing people who may be sectioned or detained by the mental health act is a barbaric strategy. In my case, the ban and all of it’s generic and outdated reasoning and nicotine replacements, have actually sent me backwards and I will not take full responsibility for this!
I have Spoken about this a few times now, shared my story re. Smoking. In short I had willingly given up and replaced the habit with vaping, and had managed to succeed in this without medical aid. The mental health hospital that I am in (Oleaster, Queen Elizabeth, Birmingham) would not let me vape, even pure ejuice with 0 nicotine! I was not allowed outside, and so I accepted all of the nicotine replacements available. 50 hrs later, upon release, I discovered that my vape no longer did the trick! Once satisfying, it had lost its kick. I then felt like I needed to go back to cigarettes for satisfaction. I now have a cold and some kind of chest infection.
I have been physically ill the past few days. Unable to stop coughing and wheezing . I have been hot and cold. This morning I threw up straight after medication and could not stomach my breakfast, only to be told that I shouldn’t flush and show a nurse next time! I had been asking for the doctor for days, he finally came and said that my observations were fine! Well they hadn’t been checked in twelve hours and although my temperature was high the night before but fine this morning, he didn’t check himself. He just said smoking is bad for you! Really!? I wonder how many years he trained to discover that theory!?
My point is, smoking may well be the cause of my symptoms but the symptoms need remedy regardless. He offered none. I am cross at him, the system, the ban and myself. Yet I am the only one who is suffering.
The mental health trust says that it supports patients in giving up smoking with NRT’s (Nicotine Replacement Therapy) such as inhulators and patches but also talking therapy and hands on support. In my experience, they just load you up with replacements and send you on your way. This layed back approach seriously needs to change before the patients protest and riot for their rights!
With the right support, I would be happy to quit again! Smoking stinks, is bad for your insides and outs, and ridiculously expensive. If I had, had the right support, the kind of support that the NHS Mental Health Trust says that they provide, I would be richer and healthier at present. All the while, patients without leave are absolutely climbing the walls.
Some staff smoke themselves and some don’t. Some staff show empathy and others don’t. Regardless of opinion, smoke withdrawal should be treated as sensitively as drug withdrawal, when in the confinement’s of hospital!

Healthy body, Healthy Mind!?

A healthy body may ignite a healthy mind, perhaps healthier mind is more realistic, but a healthy body will most definitely make me less self conscious, lighter on my feet to suit my petite hight and quite possibly enable me to feel hott again!
Of cause with my mental health, sometimes I am bed bound. I become physically and emotionally redundant and no fighting spirit can set me free but I have lost so much of my inner self these past few years, it would be nice to recognise the reflection staring back at me when I look into the mirror, currently I am repulsed and it makes me feel sick!
So… a round of applause please!? Despite the stress of having to find a new home, family being unwell, my usual manuscript of problems and the bloody snow… I got my ass back to the gym today. I have exercised the last ten days out of eleven and been strict on Calorie intake. I really hope to see a new (perhaps also old) version of me by the end of the year. Its not all about vanity and bucks, it is more about feeling like 100 bucks!