2020

Oh 2020,
You have taken so much from us,
And given us plenty,
Of unwanted inconvenience,
Pain,
Debt,
And misery.
This pandemic,
Has turned the planet upside down,
Dam it!
Covid 19 will go down in history,
Murdered many,
Attacked many,
Annihilated freedom,
Seperating everybody,
Causing global suffering,
As we have had to contend with you.
From where hence you came is still a mystery,
But my goodness you have evoked enormous tragedy.
The government does not disclose everything,
But if you think,
There isn’t too much of a mystery,
The death rates shared connect only to the virus,
Not the neglected terminally ill that have been passed a side,
And the medical emergencies cast aside,
The homicides,
The suicides,
All connected,
As in one way or another,
We have all been affected,
Had snowball effects to contend with.
My mental health has suffered,
The uncertainty of this year brings huge cruelty to those vulnerable mentally,
Contending with the day to day,
Without support,
In this current climate,
Is beyond hard.
When you have mental health difficulties,
It is not just the paranoia and fear,
But the mistreatment,
Inaccuracy,
Incompetence,
Inconsistency,
The inability to provide care,
Has really shocked me,
And taken its toll.
I worry for those with nobody,
And wish I could personally help everybody,
Because I have empathy,
Which this year has confirmed to me,
Is completely lacking in the mental health industry,
At least with those whom are connected to me.
As Christmas time dawns,
I worry for those whom feel forgotten and lonely,
If you cannot connect with somebody,
I welcome you to contact and lean on me,
Because I am genuine,
I care sincerely,
About you and your mentality,
It’s not about job targets and a salery,
My kindness comes freely.
You deserve hope and Christmas cheer,
Just as much as anybody else,
I value your existence,
And want you to have a happy new year.
If not adiaryfromnoone,
As I am only one someone,
Try sane,
Mind,
The semaritans.
Your existence is a blessing,
So please fight to stay here with us,
Better days are ahead of us,
And I don’t want you to miss them.
It is OK to struggle,
You need not justify,
This year alone,
Is answer enough.
Just don’t keep it all in,
Lips buttoned up,
Release and be rid of your pain,
To stay healthy and sane.
Let us remember those we have lost this year,
Be weary of more deaths to come,
As the end of 2020 dawns,
We can leave it alone with its prickly thorns,
And be hopeful for better,
Safer,
Less isolated,
Happier days in 2021.

Blame

You say it isn’t fair.
I would agree,
but this isn’t all about you.
I say, it was not for you to decide.
The lies and deceit,
The mask,
I fooled you to protect you.
I lived my life for you.
How is that unfair?
It is unfair that you never saw the cracks.
You allowed me to hide.
I was not a slave to pride,
I was a slave to you.
You could have helped,
supported me,
but it is not your fault.
I blame it on the black dog,
the black dog that followed me,
that I tried to run from.
I blame it on the black cloud.
The black cloud which hung over me,
despite my efforts to run or hide.
Consumed with sickness,
rotten to the core.
I tried to scream,
I tried to shout.
You never took the time to ask what I was on about.
I was left with no strength.
Defeated I succumbed.
It killed me,
I died alone.
They called it suicide.
“A desperate attempt for attention that went to far.”
I call it homicide.
It killed me.
I had no choice.
Don’t call me names,
selfish,
cruel.
Don’t seek something or someone to blame.
I only ask that you be more aware.
If next time,
someone needs you,
perhaps you can be there.
Shed no tears or worry for me,
finally I am free.
Finally I am happy.