How to loose weight?

Think…”Thin”!
Well how do you do that?
Where do you begin?
Chuck all of your junk food in the bin!
Loose the fat with a good balanced diet and consistent exercise combat,
Stay on top and don’t let what you loose come back!
Try that.

Healthy body, Healthy Mind!?

A healthy body may ignite a healthy mind, perhaps healthier mind is more realistic, but a healthy body will most definitely make me less self conscious, lighter on my feet to suit my petite hight and quite possibly enable me to feel hott again!
Of cause with my mental health, sometimes I am bed bound. I become physically and emotionally redundant and no fighting spirit can set me free but I have lost so much of my inner self these past few years, it would be nice to recognise the reflection staring back at me when I look into the mirror, currently I am repulsed and it makes me feel sick!
So… a round of applause please!? Despite the stress of having to find a new home, family being unwell, my usual manuscript of problems and the bloody snow… I got my ass back to the gym today. I have exercised the last ten days out of eleven and been strict on Calorie intake. I really hope to see a new (perhaps also old) version of me by the end of the year. Its not all about vanity and bucks, it is more about feeling like 100 bucks!

Botched Up Bodies…

I have always hated my breasts. They have always been large in size but the bigger the natural breast, the less kind gravity can be. That is a fact. I have always blamed my mother for encouraging me to sleep without a bra on as a teenager, whilst developing. Truth be told, I doubt that notion made to much difference, but it is easier to blame your mum then an anonymous God or fate!
I have always said, that if I win the lottery or come into money, I will be straight down the plastic surgeon’s. Boob uplift, liposuction, laser cellulite remover, the list goes on, the whole shebang! People say just exercise more or eat less. People say an awful lot! The reality is, I can honestly say that all of my ailments are not self inflicted. I do exercise. I eat rather well. Looking back at my pictures in my twenties, I looked fabulous, but even then I was body conscious. People have always picked on me for my weight, even as a child. Those voices are never silenced and will haunt me to the day I die. My issues are not just physical but mental because of being traumatised by criticism about my shape, size, appearance, looks, being dumped by partners or nagged by family members. I never got to truly and confidently enjoy my size when it was rather good. I used to have a natural four pack! I doubt that is ever coming back. One can wish, but actually, I would rather four kids.
Age has of cause played it’s part, like it does upon everyone else, but also depression has ignited comfort eating in the past, I used to sleep eat, sleep walk to the cupboards, snack and wake up feeling sick from poorly digested food and crumbs in my bed. Thank goodness that stopped, but now with BPD, depression, anxiety, psychosis, I have to take an awful lot of medication to steady my mood and weight gain is a side effect.
It is no secret that I self harm. I believe this makes me a little less screamish then most, but watching the inspiring weight dropper Josie Gibson under the knife on celebrities botched up bodies, the surgery really made me feel sick. Josie was asleep through all of it and woke up looking great but I am now in two minds. Not like I can afford surgery anyway but it has definitely opened my eyes to the seriousness of cosmetic surgery. Surgery is surgery and always life threatening.
I suppose that if I was fortunate enough to truly make a decision, under the knife or not under the knife, I am single and thirty-two with suicidal tendencies, if I am going to die, I wouldn’t mind dying whilst trying to look hot. I would wake up hot or wake up not. Chances are, it would be the first, then maybe I could find a man to love me, in this cruel, judgemental and shallow world that we live in. Most importantly, after thirty-two years of failing, maybe, just maybe, I could learn to love myself. I have a lot of love for everyone else but have never loved myself. If nothing else, it would be great to embrace that feeling.