adiaryfromnoone declares you have nothing to prove…

Started off as a dream,
So possible and real it tasted,
I devoured that cream.
Manifested into a nightmare,
A brutal scare,
My thrown now a rusty chair,
My crown,
Now made of thorns,
Slicing my scalp and cutting my hair.
Prayers silenced,
Praise scorned.
All this pain and suffering,
Viscously corrupting,
Emerged so abruptly,
As I lost everything,
Relentless and unsubtley,
Never saw it coming,
Never heard a sound,
Just all of a sudden I couldn’t cope being around,
Not long term,
Short term,
Day by day,
I wanted to permanently disappear,
One way,
To go away,
And I tried so hard,
A number of times,
But the Lord never took me,
Perhaps punishing me for my crimes,
Equality is not what it seems,
Poverty,
Racial disparity,
A black child dared to dream,
Nightmares a reality,
Made me feel unclean,
Unworthy,
Undeserved,
Untalented,
I then understood the world I live in,
Why I never made the final cut,
Got the guy,
Got the part,
Never had good luck,
But I,
Got bullied,
Ridiculed,
Rejected,
As injustice has found me over and over again,
I cannot remember now,
The last time when,
I felt entitled to dream,
And able to start again!
Perhaps in another life,
A reincarnation,
Unless a higher being pardons me,
Grants access to fair accessibility,
Maybe I will reach that destiny,
Eventually,
The greatest achievements,
They never come easily,
A blackbelt in combat,
Battling all things bad,
All things sad,
Maybe one day I’ll make Mumma glad that she had me,
Make her proud,
Maybe the end of my story wont be so bad,
I’ll amount to something,
Use my pain and suffering,
To help others when they get angry and mad,
When their tears keep pouring and they can’t shake the sad,
When they make poor choices and do something bad,
adiaryfromnoone won’t judge,
adiaryfromnoone does not exclude,
adiaryfromnoone declares you have nothing to proove.
You are good enough,
There is no spell,
Nor magic pill,
But with patience and skill,
You can do better,
I believe you will.
I am no Messiah,
Miracle maker,
I have my limits too,
But self belief,
And the blessing of another,
Is a secret super power,
To clear the self hate and clutter,
Making room to get better,
Together.

Not For Me!

Four walls here,
There,
And everywhere,
Imprisoned,
Tinned up,
Marching Penguin’s,
No space to be,
Nor room to be free,
Manufactured,
We must follow suit,
Leaving no room for true self discovery!
I wish that they would disintegrate,
The designed walls,
That keep us confined,
And leave us alone,
To absorb the fresh air,
Breaking free from the dictatorship and despair,
With every inhalation,
We could process and compose ourselves,
With every exhalation,
We could simply be,
Free,
Have a shot at fulfilling our true destiny,
Not just succumb to what society wants us to be!
I dream of not being confined by wealth,
Highrachy,
Class,
Race,
Gender,
Sexuality,
And history,
Of not being told who and what I can be,
No spotight,
Audience,
Or poker face required,
Because I would be free,
If the bars came down,
No shackles,
Nor walls,
Would have a hold on society,
Perhaps then I could discover,
The real me!
They call me a dreamer,
As I long for freedom and equality,
For wishing that blood, sweat and tears would evaporate with the mist,
For peace not war,
For no exploitation,
To rid of all cruelty and man made ugliness,
If longing for a world like this,
And believing that it could exist,
Puts me at risk,
Hightens my lable of insanity,
Then insane I shall be,
Because this ugly world that we live in,
It’s not for me!

A Wrongful Slumber…

When you wake up in floods of tears,
Because you have just had to face your deepest fears,
You realise that, “Queen Mab” has been to see you!
Inserting pricks of poison into your heavenly clouds of sleep,
To purposely unsteady your mind,
Trick and fool you,
Whilst comatose and blind,
Conjuring bad thoughts that are most unkind,
Leaving you emotionally spent and weak.
My dream may as well have been true,
You may think my inability to distinguish slumber from truth makes me a wuss,
But I argue that if this black magic had happened to you,
Even you would kick up a fuss.
My pillow soaked with puddles of tears,
My bed sheet’s soaked from fearful sweat,
Short of breath,
My mouth sore from holding in my secret.
Dishevelled and uneasy,
Waking up,
I feel like I have had no rest at all.
A nightmare conjured from demons of Hell,
How I wish that you don’t come true,
That I can somehow rid of you before you do,
May I banish all connections to the darkside,
Somewhere far away and so they cannot harm either I or you,
Blocking access to the venomous creatures of the night,
And welcome the sandman to evoke only light!
Or else I shall get no rest,
And the exhaustion and distress,
shall haunt me both day and night,
Stripping me of my armour,
Leaving me hollow and too weak to fight.
Leading me to consistent pain and misery,
Yet all that I want is to feel right and safe,
With some reassurance that all will be OK!
My nightmares run strong and deep,
Affecting my awake time,
Not just my sleep.
I banish you,
I pray,
To fully take my control back someday.