Destined For Disaster…

Staring at the wall again,
Trying to remember when,
Everything was so good back then,
Looking back at photo’s,
Trawling through social media,
The filtered photo’s deceive ya,
Me and the Girls,
Me and the Boys,
Cocktails,
Mocktails,
Endless joys,
Youth,
Freedom,
Expression,
Creativity,
Power,
Sexy,
Sassy,
PARTY!
Those years were golden,
I now understand the phrase,
But gradually everyone has grown,
Moved on,
Progressed to the next phase,
Transitioned in only the best ways,
Detached from the old days,
And the only one left in pain,
Sad and angry,
Is me!
Stuck in a rut,
The door hammered shut,
I am so far removed from them,
They don’t bat an eyelid,
But even if they did,
They don’t see,
They don’t recognise me,
I am the lone soldier,
That basks in the memories,
That they did leave.
How is it fair,
That those who have done me wrong,
Have moved forward,
Happy and strong?
I was insignificant then,
And I am insignificant now.
Staring at the wall again,
Straining to remember when,
There were no voices.
What shall I do?
Take some pills and end it?
Make myself bleed to control it?
Talk to someone?
I cannot.
If things don’t mend and positively change,
I just don’t think I can go on.
Anchored by trauma,
Separating me from old dreams,
Repelling dreams a new,
I loose my desire to push for a break through,
I cannot foresee anything,
I feel so weak,
Not strong,
Perhaps I was destined for despair all along!?

Patiently Single I Shall Be…

When did the act of a monogamous sexuality,
Become so unpopular and replaced with polyamory intimacy and orgy?
In order to find love with someone,
Must I spread my legs widely?
This generation of Internet googoo,
And selfy gaagaa,
Ain’t working out for me so far.
I want romance,
To be wooed with words,
Not pictures of absurd’s.
I want our hearts to beat simultaneously,
Not just through climax,
But because our souls connect,
And we become one,
Each others rock to lean upon,
Not just your Cock to sit on!
Genuine,
Love,
Like it has been cast from the divine above!
To take our time,
Tune into our senses,
Vanilla tastes sweet,
In my opinion it is so underrated.
Yet to many it is categorised as boring,
Therefor the only action my bed gets is me snoring!
Looking for “The One”,
Is increasingly frowned upon,
But I want to love,
And be loved,
Not just make sweet loving.
I seek the ultimate chemistry,
Stronger then anatomy,
Longer then organic intimacy,
Unbreakable and vast compatibility,
That connects TWO for eternity.
Until I find this,
Albeit lonely,
Patiently Single I Shall be!

His name was, David…

I didn’t see,
Blinded by infatuation,
I didn’t realise,
Easily manipulated,
I didn’t know,
Stupidly innocent.
You sort me out,
The weak,
Those without confidence,
The innocent,
The desperate for love,
Naïve.
I was an easy catch,
Desperate for love in every form.
But to you,
I was a rag doll,
A punch bag,
Easy prey,
And I suffered at the hands of your voodoo and acid tongue.
Like a vampire,
You sunk your Teeth into me,
Draining all of my strength,
The power leading to my recovery.
Your ambition was to control me,
Lure me in with a false sense of security.
Your true colours showed eventually,
And thank goodness that there was an escape for me!

Like a fool….

I never went fishing you know,
I dipped my toes into the murky and ferocious sea,
But I wasn’t looking for you,
Not really.

You doused yourself in beauty and charm,
And quite the lothario you drew me in close to you,
Scooped me up and so that we could be together.

Like a fool,
I gave you my heart,
In fact I gave you everything,
All of me.

But once you had lured me in and seduced me,
Kept me captive as you’re prisoner,
Your desire changed.

Tantalised with the thrill of capture,
You withdrew,
Left me to wilt like a malnourished flower,
Weak, destitute and fading away.

Although the pangs of heartache protruded throughout all of me,
Hypnotised and mesmerised by your snake like charms,
Broken beyond repair,
I wished that you would stay,
But never have come.