I would firstly like to say that the internet is full of absolute nonsensical, unrealistic, inaccurate drivel! The modern generation depends so heavily on the internet, worldwide web, whatever you want to call it. A simple click of a button here and a click of a button there and anything and everything seems possible. Ask a question and an answer of some form, you shall receive. There is no guarantee that your search will provide you with accurate and truthful information, but you wont be left hanging, it will definitely provide you with something. Even better, it takes seconds. You don’t have to spend hours on end trawling through the dictionary, treasures, atlas, bible, historical literature because one’s computer can do it all for you. The only trouble, well perhaps not only, but it certainly ranks high, the trouble with the internet, you have no idea who has provided that information, where it comes from, how accurate it maybe, opinions get mixed up with fact, just because they provide you with something in black and white does not make it factual. You wouldn’t knowingly take medical advice off an architect for example, but there lies the problem, the internet has no face, perhaps that is exactly what you are doing, when the pop up answer to your search engine question comes up, you go along with it no questions asked. Perhaps you should ask, who the hell is answering my question? The internet is great, do not get me wrong. You can practically do anything and everything on line. You can buy clothes, food, music. You can talk to your friends. You can watch the news. We literally don’t have to leave the house but don’t believe everything that you see or read. The internet can lead you down a rabbit hole and into a maze of self diagnosis, inaccurate tests with nonsense theories, fraud. It isn’t as shiny and spectacular as they have you believe. I guess you just need to keep your wits about you and acknowledge that a real football match outside come rain or shine is healthier then a computer game that relies on fingers and thumbs. A night out with friends and face to face conversation is undoubtedly better then cruising social media all evening and hiding behind a picture taken over a decade ago! A trip to your doctor, optician and/or dentist in person is detrimental to one’s health and undeniably better then cruising the likes of NHS direct for example. Please note, no disrespect to NHS direct services intended.

Hypothetical response, “What about my anxiety? It prevents me from leaving the house, the internet keeps me in touch with the world!”

I completely understand from first hand experience, how difficult leaving the house can be. How much easier it is to confide in your search engine and history rather then actually communicate in person with another being. I know how hard it can be to say things out loud, to ask for help. That is why I created this website, I write my poems and share my thoughts via blogs because, yes it is therapeutic for me but most importantly I don’t want you to feel alone, misunderstood, unheard. You are not alone reader, I promise to always endeavourer to understand you and will always listen. I speak the truth from my heart. I share because I want to help you, others, everyone. I speak from first hand experience, I am not making things up. You can relate to me. Obviously bare in mind that we are all different and unique in our own way and what works for me may not work for you and vice versa but I share non the less and you can draw from it as you wish.

I have recently been considering visual and audio blogging via You Tube. I have spent most of today checking out what (in regards to mental health, particularly depression, Emotional unstable personality disorder, anxiety hallucinations and self harm, the problems that I have, my reality.) is already out there and I was surprised to not find that much of relevance. I would say that people often enjoy watching and or listening, if you are having trouble concentrating due to hallucinations those options can be easier than reading. I believe that this may be an avenue that I need to adventure. The trouble is, after all of the technical stuff that I will need to figure out, video footage makes things seem so much more real. No alias name like, “Noone” to hide behind. The idea of exposing myself visually makes me feel vulnerable, anxious and panicky but I am trying to remember that the messages that I intend to share are so much more important then any of my self image hang ups. Mental illness isn’t pretty and it doesn’t smell like roses. It’s raw, painful, limiting and ugly but it isn’t yours alone, nor mine, strength in numbers. We may not be able to beat it but we can accept and fight it together.

One thing that I saw when I was researching was this glamorous, young and beautiful woman explaining about how she hadn’t blogged for a few weeks because she was depressed but all was now well and she was ready to blog again. I am trying my best not to question how quickly her depression both appeared and disappeared, I have been struggling with it for a good sixteen years and counting but who am I to judge? As I have said before, we are all different. Not one remedy can cure us all. The girl spoke of how she didn’t believe in taking any kind of anti-depressant and how she was an advocate for healthy eating and healthy living, that was the only medication that she needed. She was talking about herself and what works for her but I found it offensive. Yes to healthy eating. Yes to healthy living and a healthy lifestyle but don’t reject the idea of medication. We strive to cope, understand, fit in, smile, feel well and if medication helps to enable such qualities of life, I don’t think completely dismissing medication is wise. I also don’t believe in the magic pill or that taking copious amounts of medication will cure us all together but one must explore all options for themselves and find a happy medium.

For those of you that read, watch and listen to blogs on line, please always be mindful that we are not all cut from the same cloth, what works for one may not work for you. Some people blog for the likes of fame, money, popularity. They may discuss things that they don’t know or care about. I don’t vow to know everything about the pro’s and con’s of mental health but I promise that I care, and I welcome you to accompany me on this crazy mental health journey. You may hide behind me, I will show face for all of us. Together we can share and draw upon our experiences in order to learn, educate and move forward.

It was a long one, thanks for reading.