I Matter!

There’s a gun shot,
Everyone looks at me.
There’s a scream in the crowd,
Everyone looks at me.
There’s a riot,
Everyone looks at me.
I once thought that look was a look of care,
How naive I was!
My so called friends,
My allies,
Strangers,
Peers,
Mentors,
White faces,
Surround me,
Many times I am the one black face in the crowd,
I thought you stayed close out of loyalty,
Not to monitor me,
Keep your friends close,
But your enemies closer,
Yet whom declared that we are enemies at all?
No one told me.
Words unspoken,
Now are deafening,
As I realise the truth.
You never thought we were equal,
Always suspecting,
Always suspicious,
Always weary of me,
Just because of the exterior you see.
I am human just like you,
We breath the same air,
Share the same planet,
Yet you feel more entitled,
And act accordingly to enforce power,
Hold the reigns.
You only see me when you need someone to blame,
Take the rap.
If there is blame,
You blame and shame me immediately,
On no other grounds but as to what you see,
A black somebody.
If there is an altercation,
You blame me.
When there is wrong doing,
You blame me.
I was blind,
But now I see.
I strive to walk freely,
Proud of my identity,
I will stand my ground peacefully,
Stare straight back at you when you stare at me,
Keeping my dignity,
No longer oblivious to your suspicions,
Not allowing you to control me.
I still walk amongst you kindly,
But I will not allow you to ogle me everytime there is indecent activity,
Not knowing and all assuming,
As you are more likely the sinner than me.
Black Lives Matter.
This is not derogatory to any other lives,
But a reminder to those whom are ignorant,
Whom forget,
Whom haven’t figured it out yet.
Oppressed for years,
The punch bag to many,
I wondered what was wrong with me.
Microdosed insertion of power always looming over my head,
I lost my self worth.
Damaged goods from the lacerations of slavery,
Entrapment,
Poverty,
Does make me angry,
Has weakened me,
But not defeated me.
You need not fear me,
Just acknowledge,
Treat me and my Kin fairly,
Because they matter,
All black lives matter,
I matter.

Justice for George Floyd

What is it you see when you look at me?
I hope you see me,
All of me,
That I bare unashamed,
Unapologetically.
You may read between the lines,
There is no excuse at being blind,
I radiate my full truth,
And my black skin glistens,
Because of all the hardship that I have overcome.
My ancestors were slaves,
Beaten daily,
Working for free,
Treated like animals,
Trapped in captivity,
Stripped of all dignity,
Sold like property,
Fighting for freedom,
Fighting to be free.
Martin Luther King had a dream,
A dream as sweet as could possibly be,
Rosa Parks stood her ground for us,
These brave people would be outraged to see,
Just how cruel this white privilege has come to be,
What is concealed,
Hiding in plain sight,
Or uniforms,
So the world can pretend to be harmonious and full of equality.
A gentle giant was killed because of the colour of his skin,
Disregarded rights,
Abuse of power,
Still restraint,
Begging for his life,
A black man,
An innocent man was killed May 2020,
In Broad daylight,
By a man employed to keep the people safe,
A white man,
In the 21st century.
For no other reason but looking like himself,
Looking like me.
We cannot just let this go,
Start to resign to the fact,
That these things just happen,
Made to feel guilty for rightful accusations of racism,
We must pay attention to the people in charge,
The white man’s reaction,
And not be silenced due to our gender,
Sexual preference,
Or colour of skin.
We are calling you out,
If this world is ready for Me Too,
Then black people,
It should be ready for you.
Humans are wonderful creatures,
But greedy and savage.
I will not apologise for preeching that black lives matter.
Please don’t call me out for stating the obvious.
If white privilege does not exist,
Why is a murderer getting first class service in jail.
A life is a life,
No matter if black or white.
Am I expected to believe that this police man did not know the full power of his tool,
That he could not hear George’s call?
Murder in plain sight.
Abuse of power.
This has happened before,
What do we need to do to make sure it doesn’t happen again?
How can we get the people in charge to see reason?
Another life lost to ignorance,
Racism,
Prejudice,
Power,
Another life lost too soon.
May justice prevail.

Colour

The, “N” words,
Nigger or Negro,
Shot, Shot!
The, “B” word,
Black,
Shot!
The, “C” word,
Coloured,
Shot!
Words are just words,
Yet the intension of how they are said,
Delivered with clarity,
Doused with…
Venom,
And…
Spite,
They are as powerful as a bullet to the head!
Shot, shot, shot shot!
Is this what you see when you look at me?
What you think I am?
How you describe me?
Yes,
I am black and proud,
If asked to describe me physically,
Is colour the first thing that springs to mind?
Surely you understand that such language and choice of words like those above,
That is derogative and uncalled for!?
You can pretty them up,
In songs or rap,
Say them about me behind my back,
Hurl them at me in a racist attack,
But such strategies are wack,
You have to understand that I am black,
And I am proud of that,
Because the colour of my skin is part of me,
I was born with it,
It is part of my identity,
But not everything about me.
Prejudice and racism has not ceased it is still very much here,
Not just a part of our past or old tainted wives tales that you may hear,
But if you open your eyes and mind,
You will soon discover that the colour of my skin should not trigger fear.
Despite the colour of our exterior,
Our skin,
We are all just human beings.
I look in the mirror and just see me,
Not my colour,
I look deeper then that,
Trying to find the overall beauty,
Outside and in,
Strip off our skin,
We are all the same within,
So why fight one another?
There is so much cruelty, trauma, hate and sin in this world,
I want no part of it.
I don’t want revenge for those tortured, mistreated and killed because they look like me,
But I do want mercy and reconciliation,
Or it was all for nothing
I acknowledge the past,
And I will always remember those that suffered for equality,
I recognise that the scale of injustice and mistreatment has decreased dramatically,
But I shudder and weep when I study black history,
Rage when I think of all of the lives lost to death and slavery,
Just because of biology and anatomy!
I want to hold my head up high,
In silent protest,
And make the most of this life given to me.
I am privileged,
Lucky to have been born in a more equal part of the world,
Lucky to have been born at this time,
But that luck does not help starving babies in third world countries,
Black children getting less education,
Black teenagers peer pressured into gangs,
Black men being put into prison for just being black,
Black women being raped for just being black,
Just because the devil only see’s their colour,
Forgets that their lives matter,
People even up to now,
They don’t acknowledge that black lives matter.
For those of us with sight,
We are fortunate to see colour,
What a beautiful gift,
Only to be spoiled by the need of power,
Tainted,
And bruised,
Wasted due to inferiority.
Freedom,
That was rightfully ours,
And when I say ours,
I mean all of ours,
But was taken away,
Oblige or die,
Commands and decisions made by self appointed radicalists,
Every knock,
Every bump,
Every push,
Every whip,
My ancestors got back up
And they fought,
And they earned their freedom,
Tested again and again!
I would not be here if it were not for them!
I thank them,
And carry our torch with pride.
When I look at you,
I don’t see colour,
When I look at myself,
I just see me.
I hope that one day,
It can be like that for everybody.
If you pass me on the street and you think my life does not matter because of the colour of my skin?
Do yourself a favour,
Keep your thoughts within,
Button up those lips,
Clench your fists,
And just keep walking,
Because this world is not yours alone,
And my life is not yours to take,
Black lives matter,
Whether you agree or not,
Keep those racist and hurtful thoughts to yourself,
They are your thoughts of harm and pain,
Your problem to contend with,
This planet is for all of us to share!
Join us all,
Or quietly go elsewhere.
This is not a dictatorship?
But a vision to rule out segregation,
An invitation for all of us to be united as one in civilisation,
To include,
Not excluse,
Because of what you look like,
Or where you come from!
Man or Woman,
Black or White,
Gay or Straight,
Christian or Muslim,
Anything goes,
As long as you have a good soul,
Practice in acceptance,
Then there should be no grievance.

Being A Black, Thirt-Two Year Old Woman and Crazy…

After watching, “Being Black And Going Crazy” I have found myself, as a black woman with certified and diagnosed mental health problems, reflecting upon the show and my own personal experiences.
I have been an inpatient at various mental health hospitals in both Birmingham and London over the last three years and cannot say that the ratio of Black patients, White patients, Asian patients and any “Other” patients has dominated more than each other, it has always been pretty equal. Regardless to the culture in which the area of the hospital is situated, because with the huge NHS Mental Health budget crisis, there are often national shortages of beds and so you end up where you end up, regardless of where you come from or which mental health hospital is closer to your home logistically.
I have always tried to accept help when it has been offered, when a psychiatric team suggest you go into hospital, you know it is both serious and important because it is not an easy decision to make or accommodate. If you refuse to comply, you may very well get sectioned and so do always try to accept the help when it is offered, as it is hard to come by.
The only difficulty that I have found as a black woman, is the patronising, inappropriate chat off the ward nurses of African or Caribbean descent. Although I believe that these members of staff were just trying to help, trying to show empathy but they approached me in the wrong way and gave some terrible, unprofessional and uncalled for advice. “Listen my sister, where in Africa are you from? You have a nice skin tone. What do you have to be depressed about? Do you think you are the only one who has had a hard life sister!? You will end up getting diagnosed if you don’t stop. Just pray to God and he will guide you sister.”
Excuse me! Firstly, I am not your sister! Secondly, I am not from Africa! Who cares what skin tone I have!? I don’t know all the reasons and why I am depressed. I most definitely know that life is and can be hard on everyone, not just me! Stop what!? Surely a diagnosis will lead to some kind of understanding, provide some answers!? Pray to God!? I did not disclose that I am religious!
The assumptions’ that these ladies made, the way they spoke to me, what they said to me, it was all because I was a black patient.
Each time I have been admitted into hospital has been because of troubles with my mentality, some of those problems were caused by genetics, both nature and nurture, but not because of the colour of my skin and whether the nurses had good intentions or not, I believe that their approach was unprofessional! I never witnessed them talk to any other people (not of colour) in the same way! I did see them approach fellow black patients.
Every patient, no matter what colour of their skin, their age, gender, sexuality, religious beliefs, diagnosis, they all deserve equal treatment.
“If you would treat the black man like you treat the white man , carry on man! Peace and Love”
“I am a black, thirty-two year old woman with various mental health problems.” Joe Blogs can home in on any part of that information but from the mind of a mental health professional, all they should hear is,”mental health problems”. Ethnicity, age and gender should come second.