A Diary From Noone

She spoke but no one heard, every scream seemed a whisper, and so she took pen to paper...

Category: Words from ’16 (page 1 of 7)

Institutionalised

This song was written within the confinement’s of institutionalisation. They have sectioned me but they may never section my creativity. I thank my wonderful, generous, caring, patient friends for their emotional and creative support. They came with the tools to temporarily fix my wings and accompany them whilst soaring the sky. What a view, what a feeling, what an honour. I thank the five of you for your magnificence xxxx
Have a listen…

Listen to INSTITUTIONALISED WITH VISITORS by noone adiaryfromnoone #np on #SoundCloud

If you believe in the power of creativity and expression, have an interest in memtal health, please look at my fundraising pledge and share/donate xx

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This was last year’s,it was amazing and with your help, it came be again.

New Years Eve

Being thirty two,
New Years Eve is nothing new,
Same old thing,
Getting drunk and seeing the new year through.
Watching the forever changing hands of the clock,
Tick Tock,
The countdown carries us from old to new,
Already putting pressure on ourselves,
Declaring resolutions about what we will,
What we won’t,
What we plan to do.
This year I have Cinderella fever,
I want to go to the ball,
Have a little dance is all,
But I have Scrooge Itus,
And don’t want to pay,
Getting older,
I now realise the value of saving cash for a rainy day.
Yet it is New Years Eve,
2016 is ending,
Out with the old and in with the new,
2017 is coming no matter what I do,
And I wish a very happy New Year to all of you.

XX No One

Happy Holiday’s To One & All 🎄🎹🎈🎄🎅

Ice daggers nest amidst the crisp air.
Layers are not spared for the Pigs in blankets.
Jingle upon jingle,
The Jenga walls rise,
Consistent with roaring repetition.
The greenery glistens with Diamonds and Jewels,
Competing with the twinkling stars,
The brightest at the peak,
A sea of Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh below.
The blaze of Cherrie’s and Marmalade crackle.
The spit and roasting sizzles,
Clinks and clanks activate and churn the spinning windmill.
Imitation’s of Ho Ho Ho escape unheard,
Shoulders rub together,
The old and the young,
The festive season has begun!
Merry Christmas to one and all.

Destined For Catastrophy

They say that in life,
When we are born,
We are all on a certain path,
But what they don’t tell you,
Is that one decision,
One simple decision,
Can change and alter that path,
In some cases for eternity,
In others,
You may get lost for a little while,
As each path leads to another,
And another,
But the lucky ones,
They finally get back on track,
And fulfil their born destiny,
The luckier ones hurtle in their born direction,
From birth until their end,
But some of us get so lost,
And bewildered in the darkness,
That we loose a sense of self,
And without knowing ones self,
How can one know their own destiny?
I feel that I fall into the later category,
I feel like I am drifting out into the endless and bottomless sea,
And before I took sail,
I had lost every part of me,
Not misplaced,
But lost forever more,
And so I go on,
And on,
And on,
Drifting,
And drifting,
Not sure of my future.
I fear that I may have forsworn my born destiny,
But somehow know that it will be a lonely and bitter end for me,
Whoever, “Me” may be!
I dream and fantasise that one day,
Someone will come along and save me,
But as time passes,
Second’s,
Minute’s,
Hour’s,
Day’s,
Week’s,
Month’s,
Year’s,
That notion seems more and more improbable,
I just cling to it for comfort.
I don’t know what I was born to be,
What life could or should have had in store for me,
But I feel in my bones what will be,
What looms above me,
And it is not pleasant,
Welcomed,
Nor warranted.
It is disaster and catastrophe!

The Poison Of Loneliness

Between the sheet’s she lye’s,
Unable to wake from slumber,
Paralysed,
Just another number.
All sense of self forgot,
Seemingly still and at peace,
The person she was and now she is not,
Deceased,
Sometime ago.
When the temperature is low,
And the British air is crisp,
Shivering alone,
One desires a lifetime accomplice.
Loneliness is her poison,
And she drank it all at once.
And so,
She sleeps.

When The Curtains Close…

When the curtain’s close,
And the applause dies down,
I enter another dimension,
Spinning dizzy on an irrational Merry Go Round.
My mask scrubbed off,
Costume neatly hung,
Lines stored for tomorrow,
I cannot pretend anymore,
And I am left in sorrow.
My hands shake,
Arms ache,
As I try to embrace myself,
Rocking back and forth,
Backwards and forth.
Most people get nervous when the stage lights go up,
Yet for me,
It is when the lights go down.
My heart sinks.
There is no platform to pretend anymore.
I loose my voice,
My heart heavy and sore.
Weak in the knee’s,
Unsteady feet,
The magic fades,
Leaving me weak.
The star has gone,
I am No One,
Someone,
Anyone,
Everyone,
No sense of self,
Or belonging,
Alone,
Just me!
Whoever that may be!?

keeping up appearances…

Are distractions’ a type of remedy,
Or are they just another mask,
A cover up of my inner enemy,
A form of deceit and so people won’t ask,
The dreaded,
“How are you!?”
I admit there is some relief in distraction,
But it is not a subtraction,
I still feel so very wrong,
And like I am keeping up appearances in order to belong.

I tried

How is it so?
Out and about amongst festive cheer,
Yet I am quivering with fear.
I don’t know what’s the matter,
I don’t fully know what is wrong,
I just feel isolated,
In a room full of lovely people,
My feelings are supressed and suffocated,
I am not at one but trying to be deceitful.
I want to fit in,
Be strong,
Let laughter outbursts linger on,
But I ain’t strong,
With others or alone,
I just don’t belong!

We Can No Longer Deny it, December 1st Is Here…

As Christmas is nigh,
I look up at Santa’s map,
The starlit sky,
Where he shall sleigh his mighty sack.
December is here,
I feel nothing but cold,
The young ones full of cheer,
Ba Humbug I am getting old,
But as Christmas is near,
Children write their lists,
In hope of getting many gifts,
To be bestowed upon them December 25th!

Happy Christmas 🎅 one and all. December can be a lonely time for anyone and everyone, be Kind and make it known that you care for the good people in your life. From a mental health point of view, I have struggled, relapsed and been in Crisis over many Christmas periods. I was in a mental health hospital through the Christmas period a few years back, I remember being permitted hospital leave on December 25th and relaxing with my Mum, Step Dad, Sister and late Grandfather, it was magical. While the lucky ones enjoy lavish gifts, the even luckier ones enjoy friends, family and festive cheer. Enjoy your Christmas but be mindful of those on the streets, the elderly who are lonely and feel forgotten, the sick children in hospital and their parents and families, the lonely, the suicidal and unwell. Please share this link, it is easy to forget the unfortunate during the hustle, bustle, preparation and celebration of Christmas. A little acknowledgement and a smile may be small and effortless to you but mean the world to another.
Merry Christmas From No One xxx

Concequences…

The paint has gone,
The filter erased,
The ink has run.
In an instant,
From a wonderful friend,
To an awful bitter end.
I don’t understand the unrecognisable someone that you had become!?
From someone,
To no one,
In a flash,
In a heartbeat,
From a gentle butterfly,
To an erupting volcano.
Your face red like lava,
Your talk hot like ashes.
Harsh words,
Terminated,
I shall not hear or endure no more!
Not once but twice,
You have driven me to tears,
Yet only friends for a matter of months,
Not years!
And so the story ends,
Because I cannot pretend,
And I have no energy to make amends’.

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