A Diary From Noone

She spoke but no one heard, every scream seemed a whisper, and so she took pen to paper...

Category: Words from 2018 (page 2 of 3)

Devils Whisper…

I see what you don’t!
I wish that I could open your eyes,
Rid of your blindness,
And finally let you see,
The beautiful colours around you,
That glistens around your circumference,
All at once,
From below,
And above,
Engulfing your whole mortal coil,
Your entirety,
Love radiates energy that transpires so loudly,
When it is pure,
And true,
It is visible to all,
But seemingly not you!
Somehow blind to it,
You are missing out on this organic beauty,
Is it your mistrust?
Or did I trust too much?
Are your faults to blame?
Or a fault of mine own?
Why am I even a factor?
I know that I have done no wrong,
At least not intentionally,
It’s a two person ticket on your love train,
But,
Envy,
Insecurity,
Suspicions of infidelity,
The devil whispers in your ear,
Clinging onto you,
Trying to ignite flames of jealousy,
Reaping from making you unhappy,
That negativity was his work,
Deceived,
You thought ill of me.
You being untrustworthy of me,
Has truly grazed me,
Bruised me,
And now I fear that it may not heal.
I know no other way to be but myself,
And so I wonder,
Am I at fault?
If so,
Will I continue to be,
Because I know not what to do,
But be myself,
Honest and true,
I would never betray you.
Has the Devil tainted your vision?
Distorted you perception?
Manipulated your impression?
Shaken you up enough to feel owed a confession?
When in fact this was the devils mission,
I have nothing to confess,
Yet I fear that my innocence has left you upset.
I now know not how to act,
What to do,
And fear that the only resolution is to distance myself from you.
I lose two,
But love should always come first,
If my absence is your remedy,
I back down humbly,
But let my actions not fool you,
I accept this duty for the saviour of your romance,
The only love I have ever had for either of you,
Has always been equally platonic.
Either way indecent thoughts were felt,
And travelled from a Devils whisper,
Delivered by your tongue,
Like a bullet to my head.
My heart belongs to another,
And even if there were any truth in the sabotage,
And Devils lies,
I hope one day you may recognise,
That I am loyal,
And would never betray someone,
Some two dear to me,
Never you,
Never you two,
I hope one day,
You may sincerely accept that fact loud and clear,
And come to love and trust me again too!

Without today, there will be no tomorrow! Without tomorrow, there is no today!

Things from the past,
Cannot be left behind,
Because they are also things from the future,
We may think that we have it all figured out,
That we understand,
That we can explain,
Learn from what was,
And as we try to move on,
From what has happened,
We are blind to what will become,
Always coming back around again,
And again,
The circle never ends,
It just keeps on spinning,
Hitting repetition,
Before we even realise,
And activate recognition,
Thinking we are moving forward,
When in fact we are stood still,
In a void that only time never stays put,
Opening doors,
And keeping some shut,
Where we believe that we have the power,
The ability to input,
Output,
When the reality is that we are stuck in a rut,
Where the future becomes the past,
And with the past forgotten,
We once more find ourselves in the future,
Over and over,
I know not yet where this ends.
Only,
Without today there is no tomorrow,
Without tomorrow there is no today!

You Can Take It Or Leave It, But Not Me!

Living with mental illness,
Feels like a life sentence of imprisonment,
A one way ticket to Hell.
Depression,
Feels like burning in eternal flames.
Anxiety,
Feels like suffercation.
Disscociation,
A comatose nightmare.
Psychosis,
Operated by The Devil as a puppeteer.
I am the helpless fly,
Entangled in the spiders web.
I am drowning,
Completely lost at sea.
I am but half the person that I hoped to be.
The socialite,
That no one now wants to see.
Washed up goods.
Abandoned in the woods.
I radiate pain,
So you turn a blind eye to me.
Convince yourself that this situation was somewhere that I wanted to be.
I never wanted to be unhappy,
Cast aside,
Left behind,
Have a little more respect for me!?
If you don’t understand,
Have no time to try,
At least try to accept,
That the life that I live,
I never chose this path for me,
This torture,
This misery,
You can take it or leave it,
But this is real,
And you may not like what you hear and see,
But this is real life,
And really happening to me!

Take A Look At Your Own Mentality!?

Yo!
They heckle.
Freak,
Nuts,
Insane,
Not all there,
Half brain.
Shout your insults,
I don’t care,
You can pick those words up from anywhere!
Not only do you need to expand your vocabulary,
But instead of dissing me,
Take a look at your own mentality.
So you pick on people,
Make them feel small,
Try and hover above us,
Get to us,
And so you feel tall.
How about just minding your own business!?
I have no time for those that are unwilling to learn,
You annoy me,
But I cannot give you the satisfaction,
Of being my main concern,
Nor will I throw shade back at you,
Spreading the blazing fire,
From whence the trigger you did ignite,
Jumping on the band wagon,
Entering a fight with forgotten purpose or insight.
From such scenarios,
The drama shadows the roots,
Heads turn for the wrong reason,
And instead of resolvement,
Acknowledgement,
Resolution,
Prompting inclusion,
Understanding,
And a solution,
The focus gets distorted by your animosity,
Inviting more vultures,
To pollute the minds of the the impartial,
Media gets it twisted,
More haters are enlisted,
The idea of global,
Social,
Empathy,
And Understanding,
Is lost in ignorance pollution.
To the haters,
The trolls,
The small minded,
Blind,
Ignorant,
Judgemental,
I am drowning you out,
Because the venom from your mouth,
Is not worth a whisper,
Definitely nothing to shout about,
And unworthy of me to talk about.
I put my hands up,
With absolutely no shame,
I suffer from mental illness,
Which is a cognitive impediment in the brain.
I still have a heart to Love,
A soul to anchor feeling,
Being a mental health advocate is my choice,
And as I raise awareness,
I do it all for us,
Anyone,
And everyone,
Representing all of us,
With for now,
Just one voice,
But you are welcome to join me,
It is your choice!?

www.adiaryfromnoone.co.uk
“No One’s Lounge” via my YouTube channel noone adiaryfromnoone
All social media, adiaryfromnoone

Sunshine Baby!!!

The sun is shining,
Music travels through the breeze,
People are looking so pleased,
It’s that vitamin D,
Taking the edge off,
Making life that little bit more easy,
Prompting smiles,
Pleasure,
Gratitude,
Who has time fòr attitude?
There is so much more pleasurable,
When the sun comes out to play,
And paths the way for a brighter day.
I find myself smiling,
Aware of sensitivity,
Rushing through my body,
The heat,
The warmth,
It’s so inviting,
One can’t help but find themselves delighting,
Not just my skìn,
But my soul is glowing from within.
Is it my routes?
Or just the sunshine skanking!?
Either way,
Mother of the universe,
Please,
Keep it coming!?

Lingers…

She’s standing on her own two feat,
Air in her lungs,
A healthy heart beat.
Looking good,
Painted Nails,
Face and hair,
But don’t get mislead by the hood.
Cobwebs in the brain,
Unstable in the mind,
Insane.
Trying so hard to fit in,
Suffering in silence,
As the weight of mental illness lingers within.

Low…

They say,
“Here today,
Gone tomorrow”.
One should feel relieved,
To rise,
When it be ‘morrow!
Yet with every new day,
For me,
My heavy heart,
Pangs with disappointment,
And wrenching sorrow,
The cycle never ends,
Nor does it thaw out,
Become hollow,
The lacerations are internal,
The exterior,
Just a front,
A show,
A cover Up,
For just how low,
I get,
And go.

After Death!

Just keep pushing forward,
That is all that you can do.
Easy said but not done.
I’m stuck standing still,
It may appear so but it’s not from free will.
Everyone hits hurdles and we all fall.
You get back up,
Strength and stamina will keep you up.
Endless brutal falls make each rise harder than the one before,
Tired I wonder why I am fighting for.
In times of need we loose hope.
Dreams and ambition fuel fire,
Self belief is our saviour.
Dreams scorned by failure and disappointment,
Disintegrates ones entire character and being.
You are not alone.
Loved ones will be there,
Help shall be provided.
Being overehelmed can cause segregation,
Loved ones may walk away.
Help is available.
I don’t mean to confuse you with my complications nor push you away,
I just don’t fit into this world,
And often death seems like the only way,

Too late…

You should have been there,
You should have noticed,
You should have helped me,
You should have saved me!
You could have asked,
You could have told me,
You could have had my help,
You could have been saved!
I tried!
I Tried!
No you turned your back on me,
No you looked the other way,
No you didn’t listen,
No you didn’t help!
You put up a brick wall,
You looked fine,
You shut me out,
You didn’t ask!
I Tried!
I Tried!
I wish that we spoke,
I wish that I could have communicated with you,
I wish that I could feel that you cared,
I wish things ended differently!
Your pain did not translate,
Your suffering wasn’t clear,
You kept me at arms length,
Things could have ended differently!
Now I am gone!
Now you are gone!
Yet there is a lesson to be learnt here,
Which may lead to truly saving someone!

If you know someone who suffers from mental illness, checking in on them regularly could be a deal breaker. Feeling just an ounce of significance can save lives! Knowing you have someone to turn to can save lives. Feeling acknowledged can save lives. Knowing that support is available and warrented can and does save many lives. So be a sport, show some love and support, always be mindful that when people are mentally unwell, reassurance of security can be detrimental.
This following clip is of season 1, episode 2 of, “No One’s Lounge” my new mental health chat show via my YouTube channel noone adiaryfromnoone all about stigma and taboo. Please check it out and share it all about. Donations will assure more episodes to come, crowd funding throughout the year… only 7 more to go and halfway there to number 3 🤞🏾❤

Shells Of Egg…

In a tangled web,
With shells of egg,
I fear where exactly I should tread,
Unbalanced from clouded dread,
Struggling to interpret the silence of forbidden hushed words unsaid.

Please check out No One’s Lounge, a sparkling and brand new mental health chat show, via my YouTube channel noone adiaryfromnoone created by yours truly. In order to embrace and fully understand mental illness, we must open up, talk and learn from one another, knowledge is power!!! Let’s disregard the stigma attached to the taboo subject of mental health…

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