Glum

I am tired of talking.

I am going around in circles.

The magic has gone in this place.

The ward is like a prison with its multiple locks and bolts.

They scrutinise and patronise but just don’t seem to realise what is wrong with me.

Acid rain, shaking limbs, jump starts in my heart.

All of this they don’t see,

Anxiety riddles inside of me.

I just want clarity.

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Something

There is something inside of me and it’s getting stronger.

It’s growing and growing and I want it to stop.

It’s taking over me and I want it to stop.

I detect in my tummy,

Though I think it’s all over.

It gets stronger every day.

Whilst I am wasting away.

It strengthens as I weaken.

I don’t recognise myself no more.

You say don’t harm yourself but Jade’s already gone.

It has power over me and is fooling you, me and everyone.

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Vanity or Insanity

Is it vanity or insanity that has changed my reflection?

Regardless, I feel sick looking in the mirror.

I was never a fan of what I saw,

But what I see is no longer and me.

Trapped within the same skin.

The real Jade is somewhere within.

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Dear X Boyfriend

You watched me,

some might say stalked me,

eager to cath your prey,

a predator,

you played me and you won, what can I say!

Playing dumb, sweet and besotted,

no one could tell,

no one knew,

how manipulative you could be.

You wormed your way in and pushed others away.

Infesting my life with your vile, poisones infection.

You numbed me,

ostrasized me,

all that I was, was you.

With dampened spirits I followed you,

cared for you,

cooked,

cleaned,

washed your clothes,

yet nothing was good enough.

Associating with homaphobic, opinionated, small minded individuals.

You admired the shovanistic opinions of your male family peers and expected me to change and behave in the manner of which your sisters had succumbed to.

They cursed at me,

you cursed at me.

They questioned me,

you questioned me.

They accosted me,

you accosted me.

They tore us apart,

and YOU broke me.

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Can you bear it?

“I know I should think well of myself but that’s not enough: if others don’t love me, I would rather die then live – I cannot bear to be solitary and hated.”

Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte

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Assertiveness

What is being Assertive? How does one become assertive? When are you assertive?

Apparently (quoye my cpn) I am only assertive when angry!

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Depression

What is depression? If you can’t physically see it, then how is it real?

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Raising Awareness

Were you aware that someone you know/ are friends with/that you associate with… suffers from several mental health disorders? Albeit no detail (as yet) how does it make you (the reader) feel?

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Silent Movie

Like a silent Movie,

They watch me,

Try to understand me,

Their eyes search mine.

Trying to strip all the layers and search for my pain,

Yet they only see through me,

Not to the core of my problem,

But through me as if I was transparent,

Good Cop, Bad Cop, Friend, Lover, Mother, Father…

I have seen them all.

Yet not one helped, caught, or saved me,

They’ve all seen me fall.

I have been pushed, pulled, crushed and moulded all of my life.

They tried to make me, but decided to break me.

They tested me in order to see me fail.

So now in a room full of sickness, sadness and a loss of dreams.

My silent Movie streams live for all to see.

The louder I shout to be heard,

The darker it becomes.

So I give up eventually.

My hearts beating fast,

Memories are flashbacks,

Tingling sensation, harder and harder to breath.

I fight, kick, punch but the darkness surrounds me.

Smothers me and I am lost within the black cloud.

Nothing left but a silent cry.

So fitting, for a silent Movie.

End Credits.

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