adiaryfromnoone

Hello me lovelies, just a reminder that my YouTube channel adiaryfromnoone BPD playlist releases new footage every week on a Sunday. I will do my best to provide you all with food for thought every week of 2021, but of cause suffering from BPD myself may make my goal impossible; yet thusfar (30/03/21) I have kept my pact, despite being in hospital for an entire week but it was very demanding and hard work. I must be real with both all of you and myself, there may be some blank weeks. To stay on top, on track and to never miss out… Please show your support and share videos like…

And please subscribe asap, it gives me drive, because analytics, if not likes/subs/comments proove that I am reaching people and hopefully helping/educating/relating/processing bringing love and light through truth and reflection of mine own experiences and empathy. I am not a medical professional nor mental health practitioner but I am a self appointed mental health advocate. I believe sometimes you have to know somethings through experience, not learn through textbooks but life itself. adiaryfromnoone is about helping others and encouraging togetherness because of strength in numbers, so please join me and share both this website and YouTube channel to help ke help others?
❤️☀️🙏🏾 Just copy and paste either below…
adiaryfromnoone…
https://youtube.com/channel/UCpOtZyoRdlme1v3uX-fhYTA
BPD Playlist…

Share Button

Small Wedding

When celebrities talk about ill mental health,
The whole world becomes intrigued about that someones wellbeing,
Not knowing how much closer to home someone may be suffering,
That they aren’t hearing or seeing.
Judging family and friends,
But sympathising with celebrities.
It makes no sense to me.
These same very people profess their innocence,
Rather than admitting to administrated distance,
They put between themselves and the mentally ill,
Exhibiting ignorance,
Not there day to day,
But just for the thrill.
“I never knew”,
They say!
“I should have done more”,
They say!
Whilst expecting you to just wish your mental illness away.
Like you have full control for it to go or stay.
As adiaryfromnoone I express myself very clear,
Determined to help anyone and everyone out there,
But Jade is insecure,
Jade is sick in hospital,
I don’t want to be,
I don’t like nor wish to be,
Just to be clear,
My anxiety is sky high,
I am all alone,
Psychosis is rife,
And it is hard to handle all this pain and strife.
Friends online plenty galore,
But in real life,
I have learnt not many at all!
I’m ok with my little family,
But have taken note at just how quick people have forgotten me,
And should I ever pass away early,
It will be those same absent people championng me.
I am here in hospital for ill physical health,
But everything is connected.
5 days in,
Much has been noted and reflected.
I know there is a pandemic but I feel somewhat disposable and unaccepted.
Then the BPD cycle begins as I feel misunderstood,
Unheard,
Abandoned,
And rejected,
I’ll happily delete plenty from the wedding list now,
So it wont be so expensive!

Share Button

I cannot dismantle my entirety to suit you!

When the flip shall the two meet,
I know I have Mental Health Issues,
And I don’t expect anyone or regular health staff to fall at my feet,
But a bit of empathy would be a real treat.
I am not violent or eratic,
So people think I am just sensative and perfetic,
But I got news for you,
We have a variety of personalities just like you,
Cus we be humans too!
There’s no need to belittle,
Speak over,
Condescend me like you do,
I’m here for ill physical health,
But meatal illness and BPD is part of me too!
If you got a problem with that,
Don’t make it mine,
You do you,
Boo!

Share Button

adiaryfromnoone declares you have nothing to prove…

Started off as a dream,
So possible and real it tasted,
I devoured that cream.
Manifested into a nightmare,
A brutal scare,
My thrown now a rusty chair,
My crown,
Now made of thorns,
Slicing my scalp and cutting my hair.
Prayers silenced,
Praise scorned.
All this pain and suffering,
Viscously corrupting,
Emerged so abruptly,
As I lost everything,
Relentless and unsubtley,
Never saw it coming,
Never heard a sound,
Just all of a sudden I couldn’t cope being around,
Not long term,
Short term,
Day by day,
I wanted to permanently disappear,
One way,
To go away,
And I tried so hard,
A number of times,
But the Lord never took me,
Perhaps punishing me for my crimes,
Equality is not what it seems,
Poverty,
Racial disparity,
A black child dared to dream,
Nightmares a reality,
Made me feel unclean,
Unworthy,
Undeserved,
Untalented,
I then understood the world I live in,
Why I never made the final cut,
Got the guy,
Got the part,
Never had good luck,
But I,
Got bullied,
Ridiculed,
Rejected,
As injustice has found me over and over again,
I cannot remember now,
The last time when,
I felt entitled to dream,
And able to start again!
Perhaps in another life,
A reincarnation,
Unless a higher being pardons me,
Grants access to fair accessibility,
Maybe I will reach that destiny,
Eventually,
The greatest achievements,
They never come easily,
A blackbelt in combat,
Battling all things bad,
All things sad,
Maybe one day I’ll make Mumma glad that she had me,
Make her proud,
Maybe the end of my story wont be so bad,
I’ll amount to something,
Use my pain and suffering,
To help others when they get angry and mad,
When their tears keep pouring and they can’t shake the sad,
When they make poor choices and do something bad,
adiaryfromnoone won’t judge,
adiaryfromnoone does not exclude,
adiaryfromnoone declares you have nothing to proove.
You are good enough,
There is no spell,
Nor magic pill,
But with patience and skill,
You can do better,
I believe you will.
I am no Messiah,
Miracle maker,
I have my limits too,
But self belief,
And the blessing of another,
Is a secret super power,
To clear the self hate and clutter,
Making room to get better,
Together.

Share Button

6 week bender…

Back in the day, this tittle may have suggested parties and substanceabuse in one way or another, now its a realisation that I have been somewhat manic all year thus far. Stepping out and actually thinking about iy all, I spot self image and splitting issues, I really consider myself (Jade) to be entirely seperate to adiaryfromnoone but we shate the same heart and mine is broken!
As adiaryfromnoone I am strong, resilient, passionate, brave, open, honest, processing, investigating, reflecting, relating, educating and bossing mental health awareness.
I had been familiarising myself with like minded people, in Facebook groups and sharing my informative videos from the BPD playlist on my YouTube channel adiaryfromnoone only to discover that some groups are very territorial, not fans of my sharing, most likely in fear of me taking the spotlight. I cannot believe (especially the BPD) groups are so pernickety and controlling about my posts. I want to reach out and help, my style of which is by sharing my weekly video’s. Trying to stick to one post a day, despite having a personal odd relationship with time, gave me purpose and healing, to have this access taken away, by the groups designed to help me is hypocritical, contradictory, damaging and absurd.
So now, rejected with no idea of how long I will be blocked and then the need to try and not have that block repeated is unsettling and upsetting. I am fragile, this knock may seem small but I do not cope well with change, my hours and hours of busying myself with adiaryfromnoone every single day, has been taken away.
I don’t know how else to reach out. This is why I have created the Facebook group; MENTAL HEALTH CHAT to not be selfish and limiting, to obviously be weary of trigger posts but to allow people to share and communicate through whatever avenue suits them best, poetry, art, chit chat, offloading etc,so please join our currently small but exciting and refreshing group, “MENTAL HEALTH CHAT”.
So if you read this, on my behalf, please share the following on all socials;
YouTube channel adiaryfromnoone and the BPD playlist, the more people I reach, the more peole I can connect with.
https://youtube.com/channel/UCpOtZyoRdlme1v3uX-fhYTA
Love & Light ❤️ ☀️ xx adiaryfromnoone
Your subscriptions let me know loud and clear, that my mission to raise mental health awareness is being received loud and clear 🙏🏾
Plus I thank you for always finding the time to pop by here and read my latest. Thank you.

Share Button

Radio 5/ YouTube get involved with all things adiaryfromnoone

So firstly I am so excited to know that I am still getting regular traffic on this website and that my words are appealing.
For a bit of a change, all 2021 should things go to plan… I will be releasing weekly video’s about mental health in hope of making people feel less alone.
My YouTube channel is adiaryfromnoone and you’ll want to check out the BPD playlist for new material.
All my social media is adiaryfromnoone
I have also started to build a safe space and place to chat to like minded souls about your woes and feelings, troubles, achievements etc. Please join Facebook Group; MENTAL HEALTH CHAT
Here’s a link to my latest YouTube upload. Is it a story about psychosis or the supernatural!? I think both. https://youtu.be/Dko9Ce7VbVU
Lastly… TONIGHT BBC RAFIO 5 LIVE from 5.45pm I should pop up and share some of my pandemic and mental health struggles andvthoughts on racial disparity. So please tune in ❤️

Share Button

Melanin In A Humans Skin…

I feel the pain of my ancestors beating like a drum,
The rhythm of my heart,
I feel the weight of pain and oppression on my shoulders,
And carrying it inevitably contributes to my depression.
I’m lost,
I’m in the dark,
So far, far, far away from where our ancestors expected us to be one day,
When they abolished slavery,
And said that we would all be free!
What a joke!
What a travesty!
The white man mocked them,
They mocked us,
They mocked we,
Including me.
… So an offer of opportunity to better ourselves,
To go to places like England and America,
To get jobs and have a better life than in the Caribbean or Africa,
But then when my ancestors came,
Especially my personal and immediate family to,
“Great Britain”,
Travelling weeks and weeks and weeks over seas,
To reach a wonderful destiny,
Only to face a bleak reality,
Not as much physical contact,
But brutal ridiculing for being black.
“Ou Ou Ou Monkey”,
“Ou Ou Ou Go Back To Your Own Country!”
How dare they!
How dare they?
How dare they!?
We had supposedly equal rights,
The common Wealth,
We were supposed to be received by a welcoming union,
But twas a make believe that we were connected,
And would therefore be accepted.
Chaos and violence as my people were rejected,
Treated like we were infected,
There was nothing wrong with my family,
They were not dirty,
They were not ill,
They were not sick,
They were not bad doers or ill wishers,
They just wanted to be left alone and able to humbly work hard to grow on their own,
To live,
To develop,
To blossom,
They came here to England for better opportunity,
But unfortunately faced a very bitter reality,
And you may wonder why I say WE in 2021,
So far from the 1950’s and The Wind Rush and so on,
But you’d be very niaeve to think that the pain just stops with one person.
It carries on and on and on overtime,
Through generation to generation.
The magnitude of pain that was put upon my fellow brothers and sisters,
My uncles and aunties,
My grandparents and parents,
My cousins,
My family,
Your family,
Our family,
The black people,
Us black people,
We,
People like me.
I wonder if my ill mental health is because I am emotionally in tune,
And therefor I cannot ignore or forget,
The bitter taste bestowed upon people like us,
Like me
There still has not been a grand enough apology,
There is no easy remedy,
They may be able to get a Vaccine out for a deadly virus that spreads and kills,
But there is no Vaccine for prejudice,
And racism,
And stigma,
And Taboo,
Because that is a mindset
And no matter how little teaching they do,
And once a blooming year we have,
Black History Month,
It’s not enough.
There is a process that in unison we must go through,
To move away from our past,
To transition with all loose ends tied up to the here and now,
In the present day,
To move forward and progress to the future.
Right now,
And for sometime now,
The time line is stuck,
And that’s why there is anger,
That is why our pain is triggered,
Nothing has been dealt with and so our pain lingers in the air,
We cannot pretend that we don’t care,
And ignorant oppressors can no longer pretend that we are not there,
Black President,
Black Monarchy,
Many Black Pillars of Society,
See and hear us now,
God Almighty!
Yet we cannot and will not ignore the past
Give out a free pass and move on,
All of a sudden.
Yes the worst are now dead and gone,
But still
Too many of today’s society think they can move,
Speak,
And fight,
Exclude,
Ignore,
Refuse,
Because they have the right,
Being light,
Having white privilege,
To look down on us,
Lie to our faces,
Or even worse,
Hide behind computer screens and offcom complaints,
Disrespecting us,
Trying to shut us down and silence us,
All because of the dark shade of a person’s skin,
Paying absolutely no attention to what is within,
In 2021,
How disgusting!
There is an expectation to not put all people in the same category,
The irony,
Such is the root of racial disparity.
I cannot forgive,
Because racism is still trickling down the system,
I cannot ignore that racism still exists.
With all the knowledge our species has,
How can we as a society,
Still be so transfixed with the melanin in a humans skin!?

Share Button

BPD since 16 at the very least, diagnosed 2013

BPD,
You are strong,
Where hence did you come from?
Despite all of my efforts,
I know you will never fully be gone.
You are a menace,
And I am a victim to your nuisance.
You are a bully,
You are dangerous,
A hazord,
Savage,
Brutal,
And far to strong,
I’ve tried religion,
Medication,
Spiritualism,
Therapy,
But you never leave me,
All I wish is for you to be gone.
Unless you have it,
It is the greatest challenge to explain this illness to everyone,
And you revel in it,
My failure means you have won,
But it ain’t over yet,
I am the fat lady,
And I have not yet sung,
Someday I will,
And you will be obliterated, Annihilated,
Blasted into smitherines,
And unable to poison anyone.
Just vermin from the past,
In absence,
You will be forgotten,
And we shall reclaim our strength,
At last!
Until then we fight,
I dawn light upon you,
To make others aware,
To stay clear,
For those already consumed to have hope,
That all of the pain and misery,
Will be honoured in our eventual victory.
F### you BPD!

Share Button

Mental Health YouTube channel adiaryfromnoone has been refurbished…

Please click the link, #watch #like #share #subscribe for consistent uploads 2021…

Share Button

With you by my side, i’ll be OK…

Please don’t be weary,
I’m more of a danger to myself,
Than anyone else.
I’ve got ill mental health,
It’s not completely contagious,
So please don’t leave me on the shelf,
I want to be amongst,
I need to be amongst everyone else.
Excluding me
Because of my disability,
Is highly unfair,
All I want is to be involved,
Surely society has evolved,
Just enough to know not to lock me away,
Because with you by my side,
Chances are i’ll be ok.

Share Button