Always be mine…

It’s the same old shit over and over again,
Like the ice lolly in the fridge,
Every bridge,
I make,
Seems to crumble,
Even the ones made to share,
Laid before me.
Why is it that no one seems to want me,
We cannot fault a dependant baby,
Nor let go of a seemingly dependant child,
Teenager,
Young adult,
I may be extra needy now,
Whether it be that I am done with the subconscious sherades,
Or now unable to keep up with the fascade,
Those developmental needs not met,
I try to forget,
But they are cemented in my memory,
And taint what lies ahead of me.
Being illegitimate,
A bastard,
I have never got over that,
But I was lucky enough to have you.
Sometimes now it doesn’t feel that way,
I don’t feel I should have to say,
You should know anyway!
I am not asking for the world,
Nor all of your heart,
But just a space in it would be a good start,
It was always two,
Society suggests it should be three,
But we were a pair,
Growing up together,
Just you and me.
Then there was three,
But your chosen one never liked me,
Nine years passed,
And still no improvement,
Disappeared over night,
Not even a goodbye,
He left.
Then restored,
It was just you and I once again.
That other figure,
The donor,
He was always looming,
Mostly by fantasy,
He was welcome,
But chose to barely see me.
Time passed,
I left the nest,
You watched me sore,
Independence all around,
Famous firsts,
Like living alone,
We experienced separately,
But in synchronicity.
I was strong back then,
Defiant,
Independent,
But I lost those qualities somewhere along the way.
I am more needy now,
Some might say.
Delighted that you found your love,
Your soul mate descended from above,
And this one even took me under his wing,
Accepted me from the beginning.
Two became three once more,
Three became four,
A little one more,
That we all love,
Cherish,
And adore.
Sprinkled with extended family,
You now have your 2.4,
Being an adult,
I am so happy for you,
But being ill,
I need you still.
I feel cast to the side somewhat,
Sometimes remembered,
Sometimes not,
In fact often forgot.
I know that now you must devide your love and time,
I just don’t want you to forget that I need you,
And I am still here,
Patiently waiting,
Standing in line,
Because I will always be your daughter,
And Mother,
You will always be mine.

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