Please don’t underestimate how complex BPD/EUPD can be!

Since being in a mental health hospital this time round, I have heard nurses dismiss patients when they try to communicate the distress of their psychosis. “It’s not real”, “Noone is there”, “You know that isn’t really happening”! How rude. How dismissive. How dare they dismiss patients like that!? It is so hard to communicate the goings on in the bubble of mental health. One would think that a psychiatric hospital (acute or not)would be the easier and safest places to express ourselves, but stand corrected.
I suffer from psychosis, the nurses always encourage us to chat to them, keep them out of the dark, but I have been dismissed, challenged and told that if I don’t obey the hospital rules, I will be sent home. Such a threat may make people purposefully act out and be rebellious because who wants to stay in hospital!? To say it to me, indicates that my case study has not been analysed or perhaps even looked at. 50% of my self destructive behaviour is a product of my psychosis, I hear no rhyme, nor see no reason, I act out in a pressured or hypnotised state, heavily burdened with psychosis. Hospital rules, any rules do not enter my head. When in a trance, all rationalism and thoughts of consequence play no part. When a professional tells a patient who suffers from BPD/EUPD like myself, that people like me shouldn’t be in the ward, it is shocking, devastating and a trigger towards self destructive behaviour because in fact, rejection and abandonment is what has us all messed up in the first place. Saying such a thing without tact, without empathy, out loud for all ears to hear when I am already upset, is not only a matter of opinion but unprofessional and inconsiderate to say. It highlights a clear lack of skill, communication and understanding.
If I wasn’t supposed to be in hospital, why am I? If these hospitals shouldn’t cater for people with BPD/EUPD, how come at least a quarter of the patients that I have encountered, have it? Did she mean people like me or just me? Is she qualified, educated and trained enough to over ride the many higher up mental health professionals that put me in here? I think not.
I would love to go home, but after two weeks in hospital, I may as well stick it out until something has been done, until something new has been put in place for me to feel safer at home.
When I try to communicate, I feel dismissed, challenged, unworthy, judged, misunderstood and scrutinised. I want to get better but if I am honest the support is quite frankly unsupportive at times. Don’t get me wrong, there are also some amazing staff, this blog is not about slandering all mental health nurses or professionals, there are plenty of good ones and without them, I would not be here. I thank those individuals for that.
I think that BPD/EUPD is quite common amongst the population, but for some reason the diagnosis is overlooked by psychiatric professionals. I was diagnosed with it three and a half years ago. It then came to my attention that there were notes in my files, linking back to when I was sixteen, that said that they had suspected my illness from way back then! Thirteen years before the diagnosis was officially made, apparently they don’t like labeling people to young, but I am pro labels. They give you a foundation to discovering and understanding why you are, the way that you are.
I wouldn’t say that I am a veteran but I have been in and out of hospital consistently over the past three and a half years. Unfortunately, each time I have felt judged, dismissed and persecuted for A)Having an education B)Once having a career C)The occasional ability of conversing in a mature back and forth conversation re. my thoughts/condition /struggles/care plan/concerns etc. D)Questioning certain decisions that have been made on my behalf without my permission E)My main diagnosis being BPD/EUPD.
The one that bothers me the most is, E. Not only do the likes of Jo Blogs not understand it, but also the professionals issued to treat people with it. Someone out there decided that having BPD/EUPD does not warrent acute psychiatric ward admission! Apparently it has been proven that psychiatric wards are not the best environment for,”People like me”! That opinion, even if applied after thorough research, cannot stand or be issued to anyone and everyone with BPD/EUPD. We are all individuals, everyone is different. Not one rule applies to all. Surely it’s obvious, you may have the same illness as someone else but symptoms often differ. Also most mental health problems tend to overlap, you may be diagnosed with one illness in particular but have the same/similar/identical symptoms of another illness entirely. For example, I also suffer from depression and anxiety (both acceptable conditions considered to be worthy of acute psychiatric ward admissions). I also suffer from psychosis (most definitely considered as an illness worthy of an acute psychiatric ward). I tried to commit suicide (a worthy admission). I self harmed (depending on how deep or your intentions, enough to be admitted to an acute ward). Baring all of those things in mind, mental health nurses still have the audacity to belittle me and make me feel undeserved of the help that had been issued to me by people way higher up the mental health ladder then themselves. To my knowledge, mental health acute wards were built and designed with, “Crisis” in mind. Ideally patients stay no longer then 28 day’s. Occasionally longer, depending on possible delegated sections or lack of progress.
My argument is, nothing in this world is black or white. A diagnosis is a guideline, not the be all and end all. Your diagnosis may be one thing, but an individuals symptoms may cross over into the realms of another. I believe that my personal symptoms are often likened to symptoms of both Bi-Polar and/or Schizophrenia, both considered as serious mental health problems, therefore I should be treated and cared for just the same as anyone and everyone else. That is all I ask.
Mental health staff and in fact the whole entire world, need to be educated on what BPD/EUPD is and what the difficulties of having it can be. We tend to be extremely sensitive, paranoid and emotional people. Back handed comments thrown our way, especially when in crisis, can actually trigger and ignite an episode. Alot of us actually feel undeserved of love, care and attention. Many of us believe that the world would be a much better place without us, and if in crisis, unable to keep up with our routine and unable to reap the benefits from help within the community leads to hospital admission, we should be treated as fairly as any other!
It is not healthy, nice, empathetic, caring or professional to be dismissed and told that hospitalisation won’t help, especially if you have exhausted every other possible care provided and been sent there by psychiatric, medical professionals. Personal opinions are inappropriate and should be muted. It should be taken into consideration that people with BPD/EUPD both want and need acceptance, any form of rejection and/or abandonment can rock the boat, and to be made to feel that way in a place of care, is simply barbaric.
BPD/EUPD is a genuine psychiatric condition. It should not be tarnished by the likes of, “attention seeking”/”playing the victim”/”dangerous to be around”. That type of slander, simply breeds ignorance and ignorance spreads like fire. Help me raise awareness and share this post with as many people as you can, if we all manage to change and educate one persons mind each, perhaps eventually, the only thing spreading will be the truth.

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