I don’t want to hurt you…

Sometimes I just want to scream,
My head starts pounding in advance,
As if I had just smashed it on a wall,
Thump, Thump, Thump,
Bang, Bang, Bang,
I try so hard to be clear,
To make sense,
To be alliterate whilst trying to be considerate,
Yet it is like I am talking a different language,
Accusations such as childish, sensitive, self indulgent,
They are thrown at me,
When all that I am doing is trying to be the opposite,
Trying to be good,
Do right,
Say right,
Most people wouldn’t care,
Disconnect from those who don’t accept,
There lies the problem,
In constant pursuit of acceptance and acknowledgment,
I seek approval where most don’t bother,
Attempting to be the good guy,
Whilst being honest with no lie,
I seem to offend you all,
Which is the opposite to my intention,
I have always felt so open,
Once perceived as emotionally intelligent,
Now apparently emotionally unstable,
I open my heart to you all,
I get put down,
Challenged and shut down,
Accused and abused,
Ridiculed for being socially inadequate and slightly insane,
Time after time, after time, after time,
I pick myself up and hold out my hand in constant pursuit of love and happiness,
Only to be slapped down,
You shut down and leave,
I cannot comprehend,
I do not understand,
Does my illness make me blind where others can so clearly see?
I don’t want to hurt you,
If someone out there does,
It isn’t me!
I am aware that my desires are considered a typical cliché,
But I just want everyone,
To just be,

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