My support worker took me to buy an outfit for my Grandad and Cousins funeral today. Low self esteem and high anxiety accompanied me today like any other, but trying to be brave, I subconsciously suppressed it, until now. It’s 3.30 in the morning and although trying to distract myself with netflix’s finest, my heart is beating overtime and the practicalities of today are sinking in. The funeral is nigh and I am not prepared to say goodbye. I don’t want to say goodbye at all. I don’t understand half of the feelings that I am feeling. I am trying my best to hold it together for my loved ones and aware that I appear to be coping and taking it all in my stride but appearances can be extremely deceiving.