An unreachable star in the distance…

Have you ever been so tired that it becomes simply exhausting just to breath?
Have your eyelids felt so heavy that they ache when they are open?
Have you ever hid indoors afraid of going out and seeing people?
Have you ever cried so much that your body runs out of tears?
Have you ever had a broken heart, so shattered and punctured that it hurts when you breath?
Have you ever driven your friends away because your behavior is erratic, manic, overwhelming, selfish and out of sorts?
Have you ever kept things in because you believe that your family’s pain is greater then yours!
Have you ever just wanted to be rocked and cradled to the pain stops?
I have felt all of these feelings for sometime and it never gets any easier, but now they are all enhanced with grief and I fear tipping over the edge. I fear loosing it like I have done before. I know what is required of me, strength. I need to be a Pilar for my mother and family to lean on but I don’t think I can do it. I am not Strong, I am weak. My acting days are over. I have no self control. I cannot pretend to be strong to help others. I can barely see straight. Aching muscles, blurred vision. Short for breath, dry mouth. How can I help my mum if I am to weak to come to terms with things myself? Strength seems like an unreachable star in the distance!

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