Lets keep things real…

Please don’t mistake my blogging and poetic rambling as a plea for sympathy. Perhaps I am airing my dirty laundry, deepest darkest fears and secrets but it is my laundry to air and secrets and fears to share. I do it because once it is put out there, it becomes very real. I am numb and overcome with the burden of psychosis, things often get distorted, burried, tied up, confused. I feel suffocated and gasp for air, with every breath, exhale, inhale, once I familiarise myself with the pattern and begin to breath with ease, with each exhale, I let go of some tension. It is similar with my writing, albeit inconsistant and confused, to me it is like breathing and all that I share, the weight and heaviness seems lighter. When people connect and understand, life seems a little brighter and a lot less lonely.
It is important to me to be honest about what I am going through. It is easy to lie to myself but not you (the reader). The more I try to articulate my experiences, the more real my experiences become. I am super sensitive, in many ways childlike, confused, heavily medicated and people I encounter should probably be aware that I am unwell. I reiterate, not for sympathy, not out of pride, not for attention but to keep things real. If I had trouble with my eye sight, you would see my glasses or contacts, trouble with hearing, a hearing aid, walking-crutches etc. Mental health is often invisible, but I don’t  want to hide. My recovery revolves around acceptance. How can you accept me if you don’t know who I am? My illness does not define me but it is a huge part of me at present and therfor I must be accepting and honest about who I am and hope that the people in my life will do the same.

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