Blame

You say it isn’t fair.
I would agree,
but this isn’t all about you.
I say, it was not for you to decide.
The lies and deceit,
The mask,
I fooled you to protect you.
I lived my life for you.
How is that unfair?
It is unfair that you never saw the cracks.
You allowed me to hide.
I was not a slave to pride,
I was a slave to you.
You could have helped,
supported me,
but it is not your fault.
I blame it on the black dog,
the black dog that followed me,
that I tried to run from.
I blame it on the black cloud.
The black cloud which hung over me,
despite my efforts to run or hide.
Consumed with sickness,
rotten to the core.
I tried to scream,
I tried to shout.
You never took the time to ask what I was on about.
I was left with no strength.
Defeated I succumbed.
It killed me,
I died alone.
They called it suicide.
“A desperate attempt for attention that went to far.”
I call it homicide.
It killed me.
I had no choice.
Don’t call me names,
selfish,
cruel.
Don’t seek something or someone to blame.
I only ask that you be more aware.
If next time,
someone needs you,
perhaps you can be there.
Shed no tears or worry for me,
finally I am free.
Finally I am happy.

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