Don’t tell me I’m selfish for trying to hurt you.
Don’t call it abandonment for trying to leave you.
My decisions are not about you.
My decisions come from a place I wish that you never discover.
A place with no name,
But such power and determination.
It tells me to do what I do.
Think what I think.
Stop when I stop.
So I try to block…
This thing inside is a part of me.
If I hurt it, it might stop.
Kill it, it will stop.
I hurt it, it does stop and gives me control, power, releases tension, creates ease.
To kill it, it’s trickier.
Does it mean killing me?
I want to destroy it.
Obliterate it from inside of me.
And just be…